Note to prospective burglars. I will use it, I will not call the police and you will be found in the woods in weekly instalments, apart from the edible bits. The current legal system allows me no other course of action.
I am not famous. Mylene Klaas is, apparently. She scared off some burglars by waving a knife and being hysterical at them - she did not make contact with them at all - and she was cautioned for it. The burglars, at the time of writing, have not been inconvenienced by the police at all.
Jonathan Shalit, Myleene's spokesperson told the Sunday Telegraph: 'Myleene was aghast when she was told that the law did not allow her to defend herself in her own home.
The law used to be an ass. Now it is far less useful than that. The law is less useful than a jellyfish and not worth the cost of a phone call. You might as well call your dentist if you're being attacked, at least he can make arrangements to replace your teeth. All the police will do is arrest you, steal your computer and load it with kiddie porn. There is only one possible response to a statement such as 'the law does not permit you to defend yourself in your own home' and that is - if you are attacked in your own home, don't involve the law. You are on your own either way. If the law is involved, they are on the side of your attacker. Why would you call in reinforcements for him?
You don't even have to break the law any more. You don't even need to sound as if you might. All that's needed is for someone in your employ to say something that rhymes with a currently banned word. You will be arrested and your computers impounded (they always do that now, have you noticed?) at once.
Should you expect an apology for wrongful arrest and the theft of your computer equipment, you'll get this.
A council spokesman said: “As far as we were concerned it was an offensive comment, so we got in touch with the police.”
This sad and feeble council got in touch with the police because someone's employee used a term that rhymed with a racist term. Did the police say 'Oh for Christ's sake, when are you people going to grow up?' No they did not. They arrested the man who didn't commit what was not a crime, fingerprinted and DNA-swabbed him and stole his computer equipment. Then locked him up while they had a cup of tea and an equality seminar.
The authorities never apologise because they are never wrong. Read about the Spanish Inquisition. They operated on the same principle. They could not be wrong. If they arrested you, you must be guilty. They just needed to work out what you were guilty of. Or make something up.
Would you call the police to deal with any real problem? I would not. Would you contact the council about anything at all? I would not. These people cannot be trusted and have no interest in anything other than blaming whoever is nearest for whatever has happened. I prefer to have no contact with any of them at all.
So, burgle my house, and you vanish. I am not worried about repercussions. Burglars do not leave their nightly work plans with anyone else. Don't worry about the blood. I have tiled floors to dissect your corpse on and enough abbatoir experience to make a neat job of it. You, burglar, will be disposed of tidily. The police need not stir from their cocoa and targets.
Am I the only one thinking this way? There's me and Mylene Klaas anyway and oh, maybe one or two - million - others. Before you set the blue lights flashing, officers, consider why that might be.
An ass is a beast of burden. A useful creature and worth preserving and looking after.
Ringworm is a fungal infection of the skin. Something that attacks its host, provides no benefit and causes nothing but irritation and considerable wasted time trying to sort it out.
The law is not an ass.
The law is ringworm.
_______________
PS - Update on stolen child. He is still with his grandmother because Elfin Safety have deemed it too dangerous to drive him to his State-sanctioned new home in the current weather. Clouds, silver linings, etc.
15 comments:
Sussex Police, eh? I'm going to need to break in a new tag...
In Amerenglish, the plod most certainly is an ass.
Is there any way to name and shame the twerp that reported this to the police.
Of course nthey will go and arrest someone,soft easy target innit.
The police said it was illegal to have an offensive weapon in your own house. How do you peel the spuds ? Shut the curtains first I suppose in case you're spotted.
I see elfnsafety cancelled the bonspeil ( 3,000 curlers to play a giant curling match on Lake Monteith - first time the lake has frozen over properly in 30 years ) because it might be slippy and they couldn't guarantee safety.
Oh and councils have advised against gritting paths as if you attempt to grit the path and someone slips then you are liable as they assumed you gritted said path properly. If you just leave it and more folk fall that's nothing to do with you.
Good news, Bonspieler, they ignored plod and went ahead with the curling anyway. :-)
DP. Good news indeed. This facebook and twitter revolution might herald a return of people power !
Section 1 of the Prevention of Crime Act 1953 outlaws the possession in any public place of an offensive weapon "without lawful authority or reasonable excuse".
having a knife in your own house isn't a crime because it's not a public place.
I think we should all send an email to the councillor that instigated this charade:
"Dear small minded nobody,
You no likey the word Likey? Get on your Bikey and take a Hikey.
Regards (and a plague on your house)
Beware of Geeks"
So that's "bigger" gone
"Baccy"
"Log" "bog" "dog"
"Soon"
"Tank" "bank" "Thank"
"Link" "soap" "dope" "think"
"trout" "spout"
These lists of forbidden words could get quite long.
Bugger - what can and can't we say?
If the need arises, could you talk me through the dissection?
Read the article. If the police spokes person claims noone was there, why warn her? Is threatening noone now a crime?
-=P=-
John R - instruction will be provided. I can do Halal and Kosher too, if there's an appropriate priest handy.
Anon - I doubt she had the knife in her hands when the police arrived. So it was a warning about holding a knife in her own home while shouting at criminals, in the absence of any evidence of a knife or a criminal other than her own word.
That's a good enough reason not to tell them anything.
I've also realised I spelled her name wrong. Well, it was late and I'd been at the fire-water.
Sir Henry Morgan: careful, you may be accused of being a trigger in the woodpile.
I read that article 'Likey' with increasing rage while trying to relax in the pub after a visit to my osteopath. What made the initial complaint and arrest worse was the complacent attitude of the council and police following it. Thank goodness the '45-year-old IT company manager' is both articulate and media savvy.
If I find myself in a similar position I will most certainly be following Nighjacks advice, but then I don't have a wife or worried children to be thinking of.
Police, A Survivors Guide For Decent Folk
Apparently the police in question deny being spastics (ie. deny this story). Maybe Myleene was lying. She does, after all, have a strong vested interest in lying to make the police look stupid
...
Post a Comment