Tuesday, 19 January 2010

Reality? What reality?

The latest round of the Westminster reality game show, 'It Wisnae Me', stars the man known to all as the Hoon. Sort of like the Fonz but with the street cred taken out. And the hair. And the brain. Well, okay, not so much like the Fonz. Perhaps more like Droopy the dog on valium.

The Hoon is trying a double finger-point maneouvre. First it's the 'It wiz the Gorgon' gambit. The nasty Treasury cut the budget for the troops right in the middle of a war, when they were really quite busy and could have done with some actual equipment to do their jobs. He says 'treasury' without naming his finger-pointing-target but we all know who was running the treasury at the time. I would say 'I'm looking at you, Gorgon', but I can't bear to.

Simultaneously, and risking blowing his main brain gasket with such double concentration, he goes for the 'It wiz the Blur' approach. We all know the buck should stop with the Tiny Blur, because he was Prime Monster at the time and how we managed to end up with a Prime Monster you wouldn't buy a used car from, well, that's a question that will vex great minds for centuries to come. We can't be blamed for replacing him with a sock full of spaghetti tied up ugly because we didn't get a choice on that one.

It seems the Blur wouldn't buy equipment to send the troops to war in case someone at the UN noticed we were going to war. I'd have thought the arrival of a lot of soldiers in someone else's country would have been a dead giveaway but then I know nothing of military tactics. Perhaps the Blur wanted to sneak them in disguised as a consignment of lampshades. Ah, but the Blur's thinking must have been along the lines of 'If they have no guns, we can't be accused of going to war. They're just unusually aggressive tourists in funny clothes.' He might have done better to round up some of our football hooligans, load them up on Stella and then drop them in Iraq with a map to a fictional off-licence and benefits office in Saddam's house. Two birds, one stone.

In all the bickering and finger-pointing that's been going on, they seem to have overlooked something. An awful lot of people died, and are still dying, in two wars against countries that were no threat to us at all. Our soldiers went into those wars short of basic essential equipment just so that the Tiny Blur could say to his mates at the UN - 'War? Us? No, no, we're not even thinking about it. Honest, mate. Would I lie to you?' They went to war without boots and bullets so that Labour could strut the world stage and look good.

Around thirty percent of the people of this country still say they'll vote Labour. Meanwhile, not one member of their beloved politicial party is willing to stand up and say 'We were wrong.' Instead they shunt the blame from one to another and wash their hands of any responsibility. Those are the sort of people thirty percent of this country want in charge. The sort who care about money but care nothing for lives. The sort who never accept responsibility for anything they do.

I can only conclude that thirty percent of this country exists in some kind of parallel reality which the rest of us never see. In their world, the politicians aren't filling their pockets at our expense, they aren't making up idiotic laws that apply to us but not to them, they aren't criminalising trivia and treating every minor infraction as if it was Lex Luthor's latest scheme to destroy the planet and they aren't turning the police into the paramilitary wing of government.

So how come we get the shitty reality then? Where's the reality enjoyed by those other thirty percent?

You know, I think it might be found in a well padded room somewhere. The only way you could get a result showing 30% in favour of Labour is if you did the poll in a lunatic asylum.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

The 30% are all civil servants and bankers. IOW, those who are and continue to benefit from the profligate and corrupt gravy train.

JuliaM said...

And the professionally unemployed who want to keep the money rolling in...

sickofit said...

Fine article but I would suggest the deluded and don't care's make up at least 70% of the population.
Conclusion based on a subtle poll of the views of the adults I come into contact with on a monthly basis.

As these are real people talking to me and not some dickhead poll drone on the 'high street' talking to the 'right targets' I would suggest the 70% is fairly accurate.

Snakey said...

"The sort who care about money but care nothing for lives. The sort who never accept responsibility for anything they do."

In other words, sociopaths and psychopaths.

whitewash said...

I've never understood Bliar and Hoons argument that they couldn't buy equipment for a war in case people thought we were planning to fight rather than seek diplomacy and a peaceful resolution. Surely it's the duty of the government to cover all eventualities ? If they were challenged as to why they were planning for a war they could easily have said it's the duty of the government to do this just in case they couldn't manage to get a peaceful solution.
The 30% vote for Labour whatever they do is probably an undersetimate. Everyone I know who works in the public sector would vote Labour.

Marchamont Needham said...

With the client state we have now 30% is only to be expected. Would you vote for the Tories if you were on benefits, disabilty or whatever?

With the Labour scares about tory cuts, start adding in a lot of public sector workers too.

This lot may be the biggest bunch of hopless shits ever to hold power, but don't write them off yet.

paul said...

"My father voted Labour all his life. I will too."

Chalcedon said...

This 30% presumably representa significant number of non-job public sector workers, a significant number of benefits claimants with 2 cars, 50 inch plasma TV and a nice holiday every year, votes collected by the nice mr Patel to save the ladies from a stroll to the polls plus members of the Labour party and Communist Party.

postman pat said...

Postal voters will be helpful aswell. Glenrothes was neck and neck between the SNP and Labour up to polling day then Labour won by 'surprising' 5,000 votes. Strangely the postal votes for Labour were 5,000.
And of course the voting forms all went missing so the names of the voters couldn't be verified.

Giolla said...

Not related to this at all but thought this might amuse you:
Researchers have found that death-related health warnings on cigarette packs are likely to encourage some people to smoke."

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