Monday, 11 January 2010

Death makes Doctors lose their minds.

Others have already covered the story of the dead Doctor's view of politics. He thinks the Brown Gorgon is not actually the Master, a deranged and dangerous lunatic from another world, but is in fact a far better Prime Monster than the Cameroid would ever be. He should read his own storylines.

I'm a Doctor Who fan but I prefer the old curmudgeonly doctor played by William Hartnell. They've all been far too cheerful and sympathetic since. Actually, I'm more of a Davros fan. I want him to win one, just once. How much more dangerous is a Dalek than a mobility scooter, really? At least Daleks know how to drive the things.

"I would still rather have Gordon Brown than David Cameron," Tennant told the latest edition of Doctor Who magazine.

Well, I don't really want either of them but... wait a minute. The latest edition of Doctor Who magazine? When did that become an outlet for political propagandising? What's next - the Beano turning the Brown Gorgon into the man who tamed Dennis the Menace, while the Dandy casts Boris Johnson as Desperate Dan, champion of cow pie? It's a kid's comic. They get enough political propaganda at school. Give them a break.

Was it the Beezer or the Topper that had the Numskulls? Now that one, we could work with.

David Tennant is an actor, kids. He's not really a Time Lord and he's from Glasgow, not Gallifree. He is not super-intelligent (as has been evidenced in that interview) and if he was a Time Lord he wouldn't be allowed to vote because he'd be an illegal immigrant. So either way, he has no business telling you who should be running the country. Anyway, he's dead. I watched him die on TV and get reborn into another cheery damn Doctor. When is he going to be a proper grump like the original?

Mummylonglegs is incensed enough to use most unladylike language. She'd still shag him though. As long as he kept quiet. Constantly Furious has a very nice dissembling of the dead Doctor's political analysis. In short, there isn't one. It's 'vote Labour because the other guy is worse'. Standard campaign literature from Labour party head office.

I doubt the Cameroid will be any worse than the Gorgon. I doubt there's anyone in the country who could be, apart from maybe Russel Brand. Unfortunately I don't think the Cameroid is much better either, although he does have the advantage of not being totally bonkers.

It was perhaps a stroke of luck that the ex-Doctor's support of the Gorgon appeared on the BBC while the Sunday Mail published excerpts of a book that, if even half true, suggests that the Master is running the country after all. Fausty and Al-Jahom have already covered this so I won't go on about it again.

Anyway, there's no need to worry about a Dalek invasion any time soon. They won't come here because their eyepieces will be classed as cameras and confiscated, they'll all get arrested for being in possession of a sink plunger and they won't be able to park anywhere. Just as well, since there is also no Time Lord to sort it out for us. The Doctor isn't real.

The Gorgon, unfortunately, is real and the drums in his head will keep on pounding until he is out of office. The drums in all our heads will pound in time with his. The Gorgon would give all those Daleks disability benefits and tax discs for their little robot suits and council houses (no stairs, naturally) and then confiscate their computers to look for Dalek porn. He'd invent Dalek terrorism and encourage radical Daleks to form vociferous groups to keep us all terrified.

Doctor Who, you've been duped. The Gorgon is not your ally.

He's nobody's ally. The Gorgon works alone and the way things are going, he soon will be.


Antipholus Papps said...

"the Beezer or the Topper that had the Numskulls?"

I think it was Whizzer and Chips!

Uncle Marvo said...

It was the Beano. Original and best.

John Pickworth said...

Scotland does have a gift for producing mad whacky characters don't they?

See what I did there? Got that Dr Who chappie, the kids comics and Gormless Brown summed up into the same sentence ;-)

PeterJ said...

Get a grip! The Numskulls was in the Beezer, along with Tom, Dick and Harry.

Still, David Tennant may become less annoying now he's dead.

Mick Turatian said...


POP, Dick & Harry

Leg-iron said...

Ah, the Beezer. That and the Topper used to come as broadsheets. They lost a lot when they went tabloid.

JP - I suspect the reason the Gorgon doesn't want alcohol controls is that it might make all those Labour voters sober up and see what's really been happening.

Anonymous said...

Whatever the case, the Numskulls is in the Beano now.

PeterJ said...

Mick - you're quite right - bit of automatic typing there. But the Beezer was the only comic I got every week until Boy's World (sadly taken over and killed by Eagle)...

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