Sunday, 31 January 2010

The Boobs of Doom.

Or the Buttocks of Doom. Or my favourite, the Beergut of Doom.

There used to be an urban legend about silicon breast enhancement units exploding in aeroplanes due to the low pressure. I doubt it ever happened, but Alky Ada has evidently take the idea on board.

So, now that governments are wasting money on expensive nudie-pic generators which produce inferior images to any porn site on the net, the terrorists have worked out a way around it.

Oh, come on. I recall reading the obvious solution all over the place as soon as the Cheap Thrill Scanners were announced. Now it seems it's so widespread that even the security services have realised.

They are going to implant the bombs inside their own bodies and inject the detonator.

Look. These people are the logical end point of Righteousness. They don't care about human life and they have reached the point where they don't care about their own either. You cannot buy them off. They'll take the money and buy weapons and come back and kill you harder. The Cause is All to these people. Reasoning with them does not work. Bribery does not work.

They will blow themselves up with a belt of dynamite. Who imagines they'd balk at sticking a needle into an implanted bomb? They are using a different mindset to the rest of us. Totally different.

Does anyone remember hearing about the Celtic fighters in history? Blued up with woad in the interests of diversity, they fought without armour and without ever backing off. They did this not simply because they were bonkers, but because they believed - absolutely believed - in destiny. If today was your day to die, no amount of armour would save you. If it wasn't your day, you didn't need any armour. If you died, you were reborn in another life. They believed this absolutely and they didn't care at all if they were killed in battle. That sort of mindset is at work here and it's not something the West has seen for a long, long time.

What do we do now? We have X-ray machines and all liquids in little bags and laptops scanned separately and people going through security without most of their clothing and then they step into a machine that makes the rest of it vanish, all at vast expense and none of it any use at all now. So, what to do? Easy, right? Ban needles and syringes from public transport. Ah, but...

Security sources fear the body-bombers could pretend to be diabetics injecting themselves on airliners, Tubes or buses in order to prevent anyone stopping their suicide missions.

So in order to stop one bomber, how many diabetics are we willing to allow to die?

I suspect, with this government, we are about to learn how many diabetics are worth one terrorist. And it will all be wasted, innocent lives.

Take the needles off them and they'll make a hole with a cocktail stick. At a pinch, they'll do it with a spoon. Read up on the Celts. They are the closest in Western history to the loonies we face now.

We don't have any left, unfortunately.

8 comments:

Fausty said...

Therefore the scanners are waste of money as well as being a drain on our freedoms.

BBW has unearthed a TV show on which the scanners are shown to be pretty useless, anyway! It's in German, but you might be able to follow it.

Paul said...

H'mm how about:
Breast Implants and a Pacemaker

Boob bags can hold a lot more than a shoe

An electronic device with wires coming out that you can't see through

Both conveniently close together

Forget diabetics, how many wealthy middle aged women travel?

Anonymous said...

I asked a friend to bring some cheddar out from the UK, it's been a while and I wanted the real stuff, not some fake colonial crap.

He had some issues at both airports, it seems cheese is the new C4.

Careful about going through security after a cheese sandwich; they might want to get stuck in with a scalpel, or controlled explosion - fondue anyone.

four eyed assassins said...

Are they checking spectacles ? I remember a film where this bloke is searched before meeting the top mafia boss. He gets into the office and attacks the guy with an arm of his spectacles. He had sneakily sharpened it and pierced the guys eye and plunged into his brain.I think it was Michael Caine who played the specky assassin. Always think about that film when I'm at airports next to a specky foreign looking guy.

apocalypse nowish said...

http://www.boingboing.net/2010/01/28/australian-censor-bo.html

Not a good time to be a woman...

John R said...

I think the comparison with the Celts is pretty accurate. Shame our leaders havent been told - mind they'd probably ignore it unless a highly paid consultant told them.

The other assumption that seems to underpin all our leader's decisions and actions is that terrorists are dumb.
Whitehall assumes they dont read the news and see what we're up to.
Whitehall assumes they dont change their ways to avoid what we've just put in place.
Whitehall assumes they never change weapons, just carry on using the same old stuff. And so it goes on.

The idea of smart terrorists has yet to penetrate their concrete skulls.

Anonymous said...

ho hum time to bring jihadists infected with interesting ailments on to the front line.
so many communicable ailments have decently long incubation periods.
Plus you can replace a whole lung with some interesting material. They did it with ping pong balls back in the days of TB.

Mrs R said...

Similar to Anon @12:21 - It isn't a good idea to carry fancy candles in hand luggage.

@ Anon 00:19 - we're already getting all sorts of undetectable nasties already, including TB - which the native population is no longer being vaccinated against.

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