Tuesday, 16 March 2010

Don't get ill. The NHS doesn't like it.

All you sick people are costing the NHS money. You horrible, horrible sickies with your non-smoking and non-drinking-related diseases are costing two billion quid a year to fix. That's almost as much as smokers, and you lot aren't even paying extra tax to cover it! Those illnesses can't be linked to a health scare either so there's no point in bothering with them. Well, the NHS has had enough of you getting into their doctor's surgeries and spreading your second hand squits and third hand sneezes all over the place. They want you to stay home and die quietly.

Seriously. The NHS can't understand why so many people run to their doctor at the slightest sniffle or ache.

This is the same NHS who promote the idea that any sniffle or ache might be swine flu. The same NHS who promote the ASH nonsense that sitting in a chair once occupied by a smoker will give you cancer. The same NHS who spout the terrible news that tuberculosis is on the rise, norovirus lurks in every cafeteria, any scratch will result in MRSA or necrotising fasciitis, if the alcohol doesn't get you then passive drinking will, if you don't die of obesity you'll die of anorexia, you are going to get diabetes if you have a can of fizzy pop, caffeine will make your heart explode, salt will turn you to stone, if you masturbate you'll grow hairs on the palms of your hands and go blind, if you have sex you'll get AIDS or cancer of the naughty bits and if you hold it in, your prostate will eat your nuts.

But they just can't understand why the entire population is made up of feeble little crybabies who run to the doctor if they have a bit of a sore head.

Our health nannies have put out instructions on how to wash your hands, how to use a toilet, what you can eat and drink and what you can't, how much exercise you must do, what you can inhale, and soon lessons on how to sleep and how to move quickly from one place to another.

It's not even consistent. Once, eggs were great, then eggs were full of cholesterol and would give you heart attacks, and now eggs are great again. Drinka pinta milka day - remember that? Now, everyone thinks they are lactose intolerant and every pint of milk will translate into six gallons of dysentery as it passes through their bodies. Chicken is healthy, chicken will give you campylobacter, chocolate is good - bad - good - bad, and so on. No wonder people's heads are spinning. They are listening to this crap.

Some people really do have a problem with milk, but very few. It's usually the milk proteins rather than the lactose. But hey, let's not get distracted by reality here. We are talking about the NHS.

All the NHS wants is your money. Spending that money on treating illnesses is such a waste. If we all took out private healthcare, they could sack all the doctors and nurses and every administrator could have an entire ward for an office.

They don't want to treat smokers. They don't want to treat drinkers. They don't want to treat the overweight. All those people get major ailments and that costs money. Now they don't want to treat people with minor ailments either, because that costs money too. Money that taxpayers have paid in. The NHS is not free healthcare. It is pre-paid healthcare. If you're not paying in, someone else is paying for you. It is not free. It is, in fact, bloody expensive.

NHS - what is the point of you? Why are you so expensive when you don't want to actually do anything? Why, if smokers are paying 10 billion, costing you 2.7 billion (you claim), are you not delighted to welcome us with open arms if we do get sick? We pay four times as much as we cost, on top of the income and NI taxes, and you don't even like us if we have a broken arm!

The NHS has put out scare story after scare story, and is now surprised to find that the people they have been trying to scare are, amazingly enough, scared. The NHS does not want to do the job it is paid to do. Therefore, the only answer is to close it down.

They do have important matters to attend to, of course. I mean, drop those scalpels and needles, people, there are far more important things than patients to deal with.

There's taking offense at an advert, for a start.

What the NHS needs is a simple clearout system. If your office has a carpet, you're sacked. The money could go towards some doctors, nurses and cleaning staff for a start.

There'd be enough left over for two on-site bars, one smoking and one non-smoking.


SickNHS said...

Last thing NHS wants are patients. It is a vast employment scheme. Get rid of all the public health advertisements for a start.

PT Barnum said...

Doctors call them the "worried well". Maybe "hysterical hypochrondriacs" would now be more appropriate in medical jargon.

Anyone know who Liam D's successor is going to be? Or is that a post-election decision?

wv = gammon (hey! I'm a vegan, I'm being oppressed!! I'll report you to Hattie.)

Leg-iron said...

I've heard that term 'worried well'. The thing is, it's the medicos who worried them all in the first place.

I have no control over that word verification thing. It has a twisted sense of humour sometimes, I've noticed.

banned said...

'We have asked that the advertisements be removed and we are very disappointed that the bus company has declined our request,'


DaveA said...

Here is the report that the healthy cost far more to treat than smokers and fatties. Thanks also for the Freedom2Choose add too.

“Based on healthcare costs in Holland, where the study was conducted, a person of normal weight can expect their medical bills from the age of 20 to total £210,000 over the course of their lifetime, while an obese person's costs will be £187,000. Smokers, whose life expectancy is the shortest of the three, cost the least, at £165,000, the researchers from the National Institute for Public Health and Environment calculated.”


dvide said...

There is another way to look at it too. When something is "free" (albeit at the point of service) demand obviously goes through the roof. It's duh. People who use the NHS don't have receive any market signals to reduce their costs, by not visiting for those minor sniffles.

And why the hell should they if they're forced to pay just the same? Does the government think they can just steal our money to pay for the NHS and then tell us it's our national duty not to use it too much. Hah.

Anonymous said...

2.7 billion to treat smokers? Oh no, yesterday I saw the figure of £5 billion +! God knows where they got that from (out of thin air?)

Coming soon, only politically correct conditions to be treated on the NHS with arguments about waiting times for trans-gender ops.

And why is it that almost everyone over the age of 55 these days is diagnosed with diabetes and high cholesterol - because Big Pharma wants to peddle their statins?


TheUKLibertarian.com said...

Beautiful post. Really.

Shittius Stirrius said...

I put this on the wrong story earlier but here goes.

This is the CRAP that the NHS spends their money on.

Have a look at the delegates lists and you will see, NHS everywhere.

Aint they got no bloody jobs?

2010 Delegates 225 ( Registered so far )

2009 Delegates 846

2008 Delegates 759

2007 Delegates 603

2006 Delegates 523

2005 Delegates 585

Mrs Rigby said...

How would they have coped with adverts for some of the Carry On films?


They probably wouldn't be allowed to make them now, because they'd offend almost everybody - but that would be equality at its' best!

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