We are the British. Resistance is futile. Oh, and "Black!"

If you have a set of coloured lights, one for each of the primary colours, and you shine them all at something, the light looks white. If they're all off, then you see black. Where lights are concerned, black is not coloured. White is all the colours.

With pigments, it's the other way around. Black absorbs all visible wavelengths so it has all the colours in it, and white reflects them so it has no colour. Whether you consider 'black' or 'white' as 'coloured' is a matter of which aspect of physics you're looking at.

In the real world, the one not inhabited by the Righteous and the professionally offended (we could call them 'reality deniers') none of this applies to people. It applies to lights and paints. White people are not white, we vary between a sort of pink and an ashen grey depending on how much we had to drink last night. Actually, I have met two white people, and both were very scary. One was a chemist who looked as if he showered in bleach. The other ran the greatest homebrew shop I've ever seen and was known as 'the zombie'.

Generally though, if your skin looks actually white, it means you are not at all well and quite possibly dead.

Not so long ago, you could not buy a blackboard but you could buy a chalkboard. That was before another arm of Righteousness banned them on the grounds that chalk dust will give you rabies, or warm your globules, or something. You also could not order black coffee or refer to a black telephone as 'that black one' or indeed use the word 'black' in any context whatsoever in case it offended someone. Oddly, it never seemed to offend anyone sensible who was black, in the same way that 'whiteboards' or 'white coffee' never offended any sensible white people. Even though white coffee isn't white and very few people are as white as a whiteboard. Incidentally, I used to have a tin of paint called 'Rustin's blackboard black' which was such a tremendously matt black you couldn't see it. Nobody on the planet is that black.

You were not supposed to call black people 'black', you were supposed to say 'coloured', and the Righteous reasoning went that, well, not everyone with non-white skin is black. Some are beige, some yellowish, one I know of was orange for months (too many tanning pills so we sympathetically referred to him as 'Tango'). This served the Righteous agenda of separating 'white' people from everyone else.

Then they changed it again. Now, 'coloured' is offensive even though those who call it offensive are the same ones who insisted 'black' was offensive. The term 'coloured' when used to refer to people was always offensive. It was a useless descriptor because all it means is 'not white' so it covers everyone else on the planet. What about those like me, who have an almost chameleon-like ability to go out for the evening a healthy pink and wake up the next morning ash-grey? Sometimes tinged with green.

PC terminology changes all the time. Fail to keep up and there will be Outrage! Then they will rewrite history right before your eyes.


Hansen was even labelled ‘ignorant’ and ‘overpaid’ by society blogger Toby Young on the Telegraph website - the same newspaper Hansen writes for as a columnist.
Mr Young wrote: ‘Alan Hansen, the overpaid football pundit, just dropped a clanger on Match of the Day. In fact, make that two clangers.
‘Clearly, Hansen’s intentions were honourable. But his ignorance is breathtaking. Is he really unaware that the word “coloured” has been verboten since the mid-70s?’

Mid-70s? Really? I seem to recall Outrage! over the use of the word 'black' in any context within the last ten years. This Righteous switch is recent, so it's no surprise to find someone missed the memo.

What the football chap said was not racist. He was not calling for any kind of censure or control. He merely intended the word as a descriptor. True, it's a lousy descriptor and always has been, but is he really to be branded Hitler because he was using an old copy of the Manual of Righteousness? There are those calling for him to be sacked over his use of the wrong current PC term.

People are desensitised to real racism by nonsense like this. There are white people who beat up black people just because they are black. There are black people who beat up white people just because they are white. That is racism. Yet what causes Outrage! is the use of a word that is currently on the Righteous naughty list.

If a black man called me 'honky white trash' is that racist? I would not consider it racist unless it was prefaced with 'kill the...'  It's an insult, yes, but I've had worse. In some contexts it might not even be an insult.

I don't care when I'm called 'wop', 'spic' or 'dago' by people who are too dim to know the proper derogatory term for Italian. I don't mind when I hear, once again, the line 'What do you call a Welshman with a hundred girlfriends? A shepherd'. If you come from Wales you don't laugh at that joke. Not because it's offensive but because you've heard it a million times and just wish they'd come up with a new one. I don't worry about insults because insults are only words, and I can retaliate with words of my own.

I only worry about words when they are accompanied by bared teeth and fists or weapons. 

Ron Manager... oh wait... Alan Hansen, did not even intend an insult. Oh look, I just insulted him by using the wrong name. Did he die? Is he bruised? No. It had no effect on him whatsoever. Even though my use of the wrong words was deliberate and his was not.

Counting Cats has an article in which he argues that any culture that must be defended by legislation is a culture that's on the way out. He is right. If the culture cannot survive without laws forcing everyone to comply then that's a culture nobody really wants any more.

British culture, whether English, Welsh, Irish or Scottish has nothing to fear from immigrant peoples. No matter what colour their skin, no matter where they come from, we absorb them. We have never needed laws to force us to do this. They bring new foods and new words and new ways and we'll absorb them too, and often corrupt them to suit ourselves. Eventually we don't even notice the differences.

I was at school with kids with surnames like Tomacevsky and Poslad, in among the mass of Davies and Evans and Prossers. What nationality were they? Welsh, of course. Their families had been in the country for generations. They had definite Welsh accents. Why would I object? My own family includes Barberos and my own surname derives from the German while my first name is Irish. Check my DNA and you'll probably find I'm related to everyone on the planet. I am Multiracial Man, the Ultimate Mongrel and as scruffy as any mongrel you'll ever meet. Racist? Against who exactly? I belong to them all and chances are, so do you.

We had Pakistanis running shops who would call you 'butty' and 'boyo' with Welsh accents. They looked like Pakistanis still, but they were Welsh. And they had no objection to selling bacon or booze. You wanted to buy it, they'd sell it.The stock in the shop had no connection to the owners' religion at all. Islamophobia did not and could not exist. We were vaguely aware of Islam just as we had noticed the church in passing but neither contained anything to frighten us.

None of those people needed laws to 'protect' them from the natives, other than the same laws that applied to all of us and protected all of us from the likes of the skinheads. They were around, sure, but nobody liked them. I never met a white person who liked skinheads and had some unfortunate encounters with those we called 'the Densa boys' myself. Their brand of racism extended to anyone not fitting the old eugenics idea of Aryan, and I don't.

These new laws that claim to promote inclusivity have entirely the opposite effect. When moron after moron can regard the innocent misuse of a simple word as equivalent to marching six million people into gas chambers then something somewhere is very wrong. It is deliberately wrong. It is intended to be wrong. That's why the rules keep changing.

Black people, Muslims,. all you 'minorities', take care when dealing with those who claim to be looking out for your interests. You have moved into a strong culture that will, if it's allowed to, painlessly and effortlessly assimilate you. You will be British, no matter what you look like on the outside, no matter which god you follow, no matter how you choose to set up your home and your life. Everyone here does those things differently anyway, a few more differences won't even be noticed. One Of Us.

The Righteous and their permanent taking of offence is not to protect you. It's not there to save you from slavering white cannibals ready to tear you limb from limb and spit-roast your children. We're not like that. We don't want to force you to be exactly like us and there's no need anyway. Left alone, it'll happen. Resistance is futile.

Yes, the Borg were modelled on the British. Our language is composed of bits of grammar and vocabulary from everywhere we've been and that's most places. Restaurant menus cover most of the recipes we assimilated from all over the world. Clothing is modelled on anything the rest of the world designed and we liked the look of. My own family came here from Italy three generations ago. None of them now speak Italian, hardly any are Catholic, they are primarily Welsh and they drink beer and whisky. Some of them don't even like olives!

So I speak from experience. This country is a Borg cube. Set foot in it and the assimilation begins. It's not obvious, we don't force the issue, it just happens bit by sinister bit. Those Islamic hate preachers can spout all the shit they like, we're sucking in their congregations and there is nothing they can do to stop it. Shout and bawl, preachers. We have fish and chips. This cannot be resisted for long.

The ones trying to stop it are not the immigrants. They are our own malcontents and vicious spiteful bastards who see themselves as polar opposites to the National Front but who, really, are the same. While the NF wanted a 'pure white Britain' (ridiculous since the earliest inhabitants so far discovered were Iberian) and were prepared to use violence to get it, the Righteous want the exact opposite, the destruction of the white race and its culture, but are just as prepared to use violence to get what they want.

Their form of violence comes in the shape of laws. Laws that excuse any non-white violent attacks on whites as justifiable while decrying any white mention of those who the Righteous deem different as being akin to a demand for racial purity.

Let's be clear on this. There is no such thing as racial purity. In fact, if you look at the history of human shagging, it's touch and go whether there is even species purity. We will, let's be honest here, poke it anywhere warm and wet. Rabbits could learn from us.

The Righteous actually think their Frankfurt school crap will work here.They think they can destroy British culture by sending more people from different cultures to live here. We. left alone, would just absorb them and the Righteous know this. So they make up laws to separate us and to put us in fear of those we once welcomed.

Immigration is the UK. It is what we are. It is what we assimilate and what we have welcomed since before Stonehenge.  This island at the wet end of Europe has always taken the dregs, the leftovers, the runaways and the mongrels. They come here and they make themselves British and then they look at the rest of the world and say '"We are British. We live in the shitty place at the arse end of the world and we love it here. Fuck you."

We are British. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.

The Righteous cannot win here in the long run. Their desperation shows in their Outrage! at trivia. Let them squeal like pigs. It's abattoir time. What they hare never grasped is that while this British culture assimilates what it wants, what it does with things it doesn't want can be brutal. You cannot object. It's our culture.

The professionally offended will arrive here within seconds because I said both 'black' and  'coloured'. Hello, hello to you all. I'll respond when and if I can be arsed.

They, like Dickie Doubledickless, will never work out why I just don't care.

Call it a disability and give me money.

Or maybe we could go back to the old days and just ... get along.

It used to be so easy.