Monday, 19 December 2011

Fifty Captions.

(I'm supposed to be working but procrastination is more fun)

Fifty old photos, fifty captions.

The photos are here and my attempts at captions are here -

1. The ladies took their turn in helping to fill the dirty bomb.

2. He took umbrage at her not being a virgin... so she stabbed him.

3. The Knobhead Express encounters an unexpected tree.

4. "Do you want a smoke, or are you chicken?"

5. "I'm sure I heard someone speak."

6. Never again would Roger blow a kiss at a bear.

7. Cedric was shocked to note that the cycling skeleton wore a wholly unsuitable hat.

8. Mavis thought that maybe it was time to take personal hygiene seriously.

9. The fat hairy kid was never much use in goal.

10. The child obesity inspectors call.

11. Emily and Josephine demonstrate the art of wardrobe cycling.

12. When it was Johnny's turn, the other kids substituted Easy Alice with a hen.

13. Rubber. If his father had known about it, he wouldn't be here.

14. Smoking stunts growth. This man is 54.

15. Boxing, sponsored by Scottish Widows.

16. Piglet's anti-child shield seemed to be working.

17. "See, Bob? I told you a bull terrier would never attack a gorilla carrying a parasol."

18. He had been dead fifty years, but his chat-up lines were still incredibly effective.

19. Showtime at the Baked Bean Feast.

20. "No problem. It's double-barrelled"

21. "You said you wanted to stroke my pussy.. Where are you going?"

22. "I'm not going through all that again. This parrot is dead and I want my money back."

23. The look in the cat's eyes said "Call the police".

24. There is no more secure mode of child transport than the firmly clenched buttock.

25. Quoth the raven: "What the fuck?"

26. Every winter, the potholes on the M25 are worse.

27. The Crufts' new 'Smoky-Drinky' category.

28. She knew the heads hadn't seen her because the trousers had not reacted.

29. The NHS recruits a new goat-sliding consultant.

30. The Russians had managed to get in on one ticket.

31. Deborah Arnott arrives for her pre-TV makeup session... three days before the show.

32. When he married her, she neglected to mention her addiction to sprouts.

33. This year's beer festival was limited to one drink per participant.

34. At the ' Miss Hideously Ugly but Good Figure' finals.

35. America. Land of the free... and some very small psychos.

36. "Goooorrrrdonn. It's tiiiime".

37. The perils of the travelling peanut salesman.

38. A young Madonna demonstrates the correct way to punt a gherkin.


40. "Shut up woman, or I'll swat you with a dwarf."

41. The gin trap. They get in, drink the gin, and they're too pissed to get back out.

42. They don't want it, and they have uniforms. Don't mess with the uniforms.

43. "It's an unusual shape," said the cat, "but it's neatly brushed."

44. The railways demonstrate their new cut-price engine horns.

45. The rest of the band never understood why Ozzy insisted on wearing that dress.

46. How modern teaching sees mathematics.

47. On reflection, Death decided the scythe was more his sort of thing.

48. "I'm sorry. This has never happened to me before."

49. Another two ministers face the sack.

50. "So, Santa. Did you bring everything?"

Your turn.


subrosa said...

As we said in the 50s 'Fantastic'! Now I'll be chuckling in my sleep.

jocelyn jack esien said...

1. for heaven's sake sit tight mabel - if the mini-skirted generation get loose, they'll get the jump on us.

the women's institute of expressionist art said...

2. i was a bit worried when my daughter said she was going to pose for a nude portrait - but i can now see that rothko did a really good job on her.

she always wanted to be a real bitch said...

35. hillary clinton on her first reconnaisance mission to afghanistan.

boris and dave indulge in a spot of 'rugger' at the bullingdon club said...

6. my god, your tackle is unstoppable, johnson.

the rocky school of relationship counselling said...

i was only playing around

the rocky school of relationship counselling said...

15. i was only playing around

polar joke time said...

48. i love you rupert, but it's impossible - you're the wrong colour

Anonymous said...

2. She had one almighty orgasm:)

worked to the bone said...

18. what d'you mean you "haven't come yet?"

professor twatzkopf said...

23. usingz ein carefrei prozess von scientifisch eliminatzion, ich have konkluded dass it iz mein helmet wot iz zer puzzy-magnet.

miss bluebeard said...

28. well, you see...when they insisted on examining it close-up they all lost their heads.

curious cock-tales said...

12. the battle of the peckers began to swing in favour of the sunday roast.

Anonymous said...

15. Wear these or you'll go blind

Anonymous said...

26. Even as a child, Arthur had never got the hang of mechano

31. The make-up department had done their best with Deborah

32. It struck Barry that he’d mixed up the studio numbers

33. Well, as Dad always said, you don’t look at the fireplace when you’re stoking the fire

37. Nellie had packed her trunk and was rarin to go

38. If he opened a bit wider, Louis was sure he could get it all in

43. Yep, Nigel had a girl in every port even if one was a right vixen

44. Network Rail celebrates a train arriving at its destination

48. He’d asked for svelte, with long, golden locks whereas…..

49. The gels hadn’t quite understood the notion of domination

50. Daemon wondered whether to start with horrid Nanny or his siter, Hortense


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as respectable citizens we must do our bit to save this country, enid - prevention is better than cure, say i...we must sit firm on the white man's libido lest it break free and end up in the wrong hands.

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