Saturday, 24 December 2011

The Christmas Remenisce

I had to join Farcebook again. An old school friend keeps sending Christmas cards and I can't send them back because the dipshit never includes a return address. He mentioned Farcebook, I looked him up and found him - and he's a bloody Marxist now! He was a hang 'em and flog 'em type at school to the extent that the Tory furthest to the right would have said 'Now hang on a minute'.

Well, I thought, I could hardly introduce him to my current Farcebook persona. He'd send the Red Army round to my house. So I have another one, designed to sell my books to commies. They won't like the Brown Gorgon's poem in 'Fears' but they'll appreciate the Coagulation one in 'Dark Thoughts'.

I am shocked and dismayed to find an old school friend has fallen into the deepest trench of Socialism but well, a good capitalist never lets an opportunity slide. I'll be a capitalist one day, if I ever have the money. It's not likely to be soon. Anyway, the books are politics neutral so far and when Panoptica is finished, the far-left and far-right (same thing really) will either read it as something to be aspired to or they'll wake up. As long as they buy it.

There was another of our group who joined the BNP for a while. Again it was odd because he has no racism in him at all, no beef with immigrants in the slightest. At school, we'd have pegged him as the future socialist. People are strange.

A third is into mediaeval battle re-enactments. I last heard of him years ago when he said he had given up smoking. His Farcebook pictures show that he is now bald. I am not. Therefore stopping smoking will make your hair fall out. Hey, it's as scientific as anything the antismokers have ever come out with. At least I have a verifiable sample.

We were a small and scruffy group, the dirtbags that even geeks avoided. We played wargames in one guy's room because he had a long, narrow room with the wargame board along one wall. It was a tray, about fifteen feet long and filled with seven hundredweight of dirt for shaping the day's battle. The 'pieces' were 1/72 scale Airfix models and they had to be right. Not just thrown together. We had the book of rules, played that way for about ten minutes then said 'sod it' and got the airguns out. Eventually we just filled the models with cut-off match heads as we built them. I didn't smoke then but the stuff we inhaled must have killed us all by now.

Oddly enough, the only one who is dead was the non-smoking non-boozer (we were barley wine afficionados in the days before it was weakened) who played for a professional football team and was never involved in our chemical escapades. He wasn't there when the Strepsils tin filled with weedkiller-explosive went up. He wasn't there when we had to keep hosing down the shed because our bonfire became somewhat overlarge. He did not partake of the apple wine that had aged so wonderfully strongly.

All the rest of us are alive and well. The ex-smoking swordsman, the Commie, the Hulk and me.

Funny old world.


JuliaM said...

"There was another of our group who joined the BNP for a while. Again it was odd because he has no racism in him at all, no beef with immigrants in the slightest. At school, we'd have pegged him as the future socialist. "

He joined for all their other policies, then...? ;)

Anonymous said...

Was it this bloke?
John Gibson

you plonker said... plonker he he, change it to

it is indeed a funny old world where naive muppetts write odd stories as bait.....forget it my dear old fantasist i am 2 steps ahead of you.

you have no input on anything Leg Iron, under another name, another site, nothing will come without warning

i call the shots in complete confidence my fat faced chum, i will do as i please.

and you will find out soon enough.

marry xmas to everyone and a happy new year

Neal Asher said...

You'll find me on farcebook - self-promoting as hard as I can. And definitely lacking in any Marxist inclinations.

Anonymous said...

Ditto bonfire and fence.

Our particular bonfire was in a fireman's garden. It may well have been embarrassing for said fireman to be called out to put a fence fire out due to a bonfire he had helped build and was in his garden!

chefdave said...

What's going on with You Plonker, does Leg-iron have his own pet troll?

Leg-iron said...

plonker - bait? There's no bait. I don't have time to play yet.

Although maybe we already have played. Have you found me on those antismoking forums yet?

Leg-iron said...

JuliaM - he was a natural Labour voter, and the sort who would look at all a party's policies, so it's likely that he went there because Labour had become so non-Labour.

Currently he's non-political and considering giving up voting.

Leg-iron said...

chefdave - it's the nasty little spite-filled cretin who gave Pat Nurse such a hard time. Gets his kicks from being a total arse, all the time.

A very unpleasant individual, the sort who would go far in an organisation like ASH.

goodbye angry people said...

You havent got time to play then Leg-Iron?....i reckon that silly excuse will keep you going for many more weeks, dont you feel such a prat keep repeating it?

the hole was of your own making leggy , with silly threats from a pompous prat who is as helpless as stupid.

you made up the shite and you will wallow in it now for all to see.

oh by the way before i leave you, stop guessing, stop bluffing, stop baiting its a waste of time, the control has always been mine despite you dreaming up that everyone must be a soft prat like the members of the angry cult such as yourselves and leave personal details on the internet.

just remember leggy/pat nurse/smoking hot and the rest of the anger mongers who will probably do more harm than smoking will ever do to their health due to their obsessive anger. there is a price to pay for posting obscene images and language from a blog or unjust censorship because of opposing views to that of the cult.

it is indeed about education and now you have been educated.

see ya

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the blog Mr Iron, its much appreciated. All the best for next year, i hope its well smokie drinky.

Frank said...

To be fair, this turd doesn't sound like double dickhead. But I suppose if he doesn't take his tablets, his persona may change.

CIngram said...

At school we had a special room for people like him.

Bill Sticker said...

Indeed Leggy, it is a funny old world. Inhabited by strange creatures, and occasionally the odd freakshow.

John said...

Calling Smoking Hot an anger monger shows that this troll hasn't got a bloody clue. Smokey just ignores the idiot and says nothing. Someone said like getting rid of bugs on a windscreen. Can't argue with that.

Anonymous said...

Was that plonker and angry people an example of a troll?

Never knowingly seen one before. I did expect the post to be full of cruel and cunning wit, but it was... well, bland. Also rather facile and incredibly puerile, really, the sort of thing you would get in the playground from the weakest of the school bullies, the one too scared to make physical threats but who would stand in the corner making asinine comments. There were a few who would be uspet, but I tended to ignore them.

I am seriously disappointed; the poor fellow cannot even find the uppercase key, for Heaven's sake!


p.s. Happy Christmas, LI, you have provided a lot of enjoyment and food for thought.

Anonymous said...

Proper trolls can actually be quite clever, this one is just wtf?

Troll attempt: You sound pretty much like the 'occupy' plonkers, you don't have anything to say and even if you did you couldn't articulate it properly.


opinions powered by