Friday, 9 December 2011

I have in my hand a piece of paper...

...wrapped around some shredded leaf, and it's burning.

That piece of paper has more value than anything Dai Cameroid is ever likely to bring back from Brussels.

Cameron is either incredibly stupid or very smart indeed. I don't think he can possibly be anywhere between those two extremes.

If he is a total gimboid, as he appears, then the EU will put pressure on him to either do as he is told or step down, and he will then do one or other of those things. The EU have form on this: Italy and Greece's leaders were brushed aside, those now in charge in Ireland and Spain are doing as they are told. The EU have even started a petty vengeance against those rating agencies that have downgraded their countries. That's actually comical. Don't these EU bureaucrats know who's really running things? Where do they think all their credit comes from?

So if he is a dope in the EU pocket, then those genuine Eurosceptic MPs will have been joined by a lot of planted EUrophiles whose job will be to make some trivial concession look important enough to shut the rest up for a while. That might have happened without Cameron's involvement at all so it doesn't prove his gimboidity in this instance.

There is another possible scenario in which Cameron would still appear to be a total gimboid but would be playing a very long and devious game.

Let us suppose that he actually does want an EU referendum, that he wants the EU to lose it, that he actually wants to be in charge of his country and not merely a local official on behalf of the EU. How could he go about achieving that?

He could not start by tub-thumping and shouting. He doesn't have a majority in the House and even if he did, some of his own party are EU drones. He is in coalition with the EU Brown-nose party sometimes referred to by the totally inaccurate name of 'Liberal Democrats'. So, if he tried to push through a referendum he would certainly fail.

Even if he succeeded, can he be sure that the population will vote us out of the EU? He's only going to have one chance and if he fluffs it, that's the end. No more chances. If the EU win that referendum there will never be another.

If the EU lost they would make us vote again, as they have in every other country where they lost. And again, and again, until we gave them the answer they wanted. Cameron must be aware of all of this. The EU drones in Parliament and in the general population know it too. If there is a referendum and the EU loses, we'll just do it again. The EU has nothing to fear from a referendum but those who want out have much to fear. The EU never loses because the voting only stops when they have their answer. Then it stops for good.

So maybe a referendum isn't the best way. Engaging all the devious brain cells in my possession, I wondered how I might go about things in Cameron's place. The remaining four non-devious cells looked away in disgust.

What I would do in this instance is certainly not to have a referendum. I might lose, and if I win I'll have to do it again and again until I lost. Then there would never be another chance. So no, I would not give you all a vote.

What I would do is piss you all off to monumental levels. I would have the Press reporting every petty little EU diktat, every instance where someone has suffered because of EU legislation, and all the while being big pals with the EUphiles in Parliament. I would do apparently idiotic things, to swell the ranks of the EUsceptics and make them as vocal as possible. The first thing I'd want is for everyone in the country to be aware of what the EU is doing to their lives, their businesses, everything. I'd want to hear protesting voices. Lots of them. I'd ignore them all.

I won't listen to what you want because I want you to want it more. I want you to want it more than anything and the best way to achieve that is to tell you you can never have it.

Then I would set about pissing off the EU. Get in the way, disagree, stick my nose in where it's not wanted, and finally chuck a King Dick spanner in their bailout plan. They will plot revenge, as they always do. As they are now doing.

Greece was not allowed to leave the single currency even though it's destroying them. We will never be allowed to leave the EU. A referendum is futile, it will just be re-run until we answer correctly. Really, there is only one way out.

We have to get thrown out. The majority of people in this country have to want to leave so there is no popular uprising in favour of staying in, and the EU have to want to be rid of us so badly that they are willing to lose all that easy money we hand over, and the fishing, and the oil, and the financial sector and more. If we are thrown out, Cameron can then call a general election and win. Those who will produce knee-jerk 'We must get back in' soundbites will be voted into oblivion and the risk of losing to UKIP will be completely wiped out.

Is that his game, I wonder?

Or is he just an empty forehead who will now either step down or roll over?

Time will tell.

Tick-tock, Dave.

Oh, and if Oily Al's promise of independence for Scotland is ever going to mean anything, Scotland has to be out of the EU too. Otherwise they're just swapping masters.


Xopher said...

Famous European saying - 'Do not adjust yEUr mind, reality is at fault!'

Richard Allan said...

Always remember Comrade Lenin's dictum: "The worse the better".

hangemall said...

L-i, I've not trusted Cameron since he obfuscated over whether he had ever taken cocain. We don't know what happened behind the scenes before or during the meeting.

One possible scenario is over at Sue's place

Leg-iron said...

Xopher - yes, reality is the part needing adjustment in EU-land. Reality can't be changed but since they are disconnected from reality, they don't realise that.

Leg-iron said...

Richard A - Lenin's tricks work as well against Marxism as for it. Fortunately the Marxists will never accept that.

Leg-iron said...

Hangemall - I've wondered whether the EU has some kind of DSK-style scandal ready to let out if Cameron doesn't do as he's told.

I suppose we'll soon find out.

dicktatorship democracy said...

the eu was envisaged to be a morality check on our corrupt courts - but, in my experience, the european courts and their human rights legislation proved to be just as corrupt, injust and ineffective as our own...and far slower too; we now live under a police surveillance state rolled out through the state-enforcement of spycam-infested 'long'-life light-bulbs, bug-happy estate-agents, and ear-wigged electricity-meters installed with government approval.

encouraged by this authoritarian lead, the private detective business is rampant in the united kingdom at present - my bullying belly-aching bellicose landlord and his solicitor have got private investigators on my tail at this very moment, hoping presumably to dig up some dirt on me. one of the fellows in question rather gave himself away see, a smart well-groomed public-school type just doesn't fit the bill around this part of hackney...just a tip, but i think he needs to grow some dreadlocks...

in fact, the poor sod's so comically conspicuous that i'd wager that every gangster in east london has a mug-shot of him on his phone by now...and all his details down to his inside-leg measurement.

the undercover sleuth and his colleagues are trying to nail me procuring and puffing a spliff, i my guests...but, as upright upholders of the law, i reckon these guys would be more pertinently employed investigating whether their client pays correct levels of income-tax on all his properties and investments, domestic and foreign.

Roue le Jour said...

Easiest way out of the EU is a military coup, democracies only, see? I wonder if the Greek colonels could us any tips?

general willie hague said...


great idea - i'll get my cannon out and splatter the queen's head.

dave - the dildo depository of downing street said...

hey, what about me? don't i matter?

Anonymous said...

I don't think it's democracies only anymore, since Greece and Italy are now satrapies.

Mark Wadsworth said...

'We have to get thrown out."

That is an excellent plan and one I had thought up myself. Why go through the hassle of all that paperwork involved in leaving when we could just ignore the EU for so long and so blatantly that they lose patience and chuck us out?

English Pensioner said...

I'm getting round to the thought that Cameron might be more devious than I gave him credit for, particularly with Boris standing in the wings waiting to jump should the opportunity arise.
I would like to think that he is either trying to "give the EU enough rope and they'll hang themselves" in the eyes of the electorate, or is working towards getting the EU to throw us out. Either would have the same result as far as he is concerned and would probably get him re-elected in due course.

Anonymous said...

I think he is letting them hang themselves! He has to know the EU is dead.

sockratease said...


sorry my friend, a dead thingy cannot hang itself - that's a non-sequitor i think you'll find.

Anonymous said...

Then why the hell don't we all do something then?

Not marches or demos by permission of the Stasi but small noisy shout sessions.

Find a Town Hall get twenty mates and a loud hailer and shout in unison "EU--DON'T PAY".
Catchy innit. But if it happened all over the country for five or ten minutes and then dispersed before the Stasi turned up it would gather pace and be uncontrollable. Football matches. Shopping Centres. Anywhere. "EU_DON'T PAY"

Sums it up I reckon.

l'empereur sarposy said...


l'union européenne est morte! vive l'union européenne!

cordon ramsarse said...


oh fuck off you faux-french fuque-huit - britain has been invaded and colonized by the romans and the french and yet we have never surrendered our cultural integrity and submitted to the mucky foreign habit of infecting the sunday-roast with the rank odour of garlic.

leanna foxhole said...


i think the threat alone will be sufficient, darling...if you like, i'll come along too and lend some moral support.

the grecian duke said...


oh tophole, my good man - that'll do nicely...i promised the old bag something from the body-shop for christmas.

cordon ramsarse (littoral stinker) said...


oh please use some imagination you fucking ineffectual french poodle - what we require here is some direct action...wedge john prescott's arse in the eurotunnel at ashford and feed him on bucketloads of bangers and baked-beanz.

Tattyfalarr said...

"wedge john prescott's arse in the eurotunnel at ashford and feed him on bucketloads of bangers and baked-beanz."

Just make sure the arse end is pointed the right way and all forward-facing orifices are sealed.

st jezza d'arc - holy chapel of the toxic exhaust pipe said...


...fine thinking, my'll make le mistral seem like a light summer breeze in le parc and should induce either total european surrender or irreversible brain-coma within approximately 3-6 hours at gas mark 7.

Anonymous said...

Leg Iron what has happened to your commenters? Have the silly tarts all come over here from Guido's place? FFS

Anonymous said...

Yes, Anon. The silly person who has been commenting under various silly nicknames has been hanging around LI's blog for some months. But I don't think that LI likes censoring. Ignore the ramblings.

sub-utility said...


co-incidence - my landlord let the electricity company break into my room back in 2002 or 2003...they claimed that the previous tenant left a debt and that they needed to change the was all most suspicious...the lock wasn't damaged, the key-meter appeared untouched and there had never been a debt on it...i'd lived there for about two years, hiding from the taxman whom i'd snubbed on religious grounds...i'm sure it was the spooks...they didn't appreciate my politics.

spark up said...


i'm told that the commenter in question used to do things on guido, but has not done anything on him since january 2009 - save for one political demo...

...and i also believe he left a piece of correspondence there concerning an issue of local unimportance. guido's a complete fucking waste of cyberspace, obviously.

key-meter control-freaks said...


strange you should mention the energy own lanlord has, without consulting us, just transferred all the tenants' electricity accounts (the individual ones for their private rooms) from edf energy to eon - leaving aside the illegality of this action, it's also most eon are dearer. i definitely smell a rat too...

wi-fi hot-spots have ears said...


we now live under a police surveillance state rolled out through the state-enforcement of spycam-infested 'long'-life light-bulbs, bug-happy estate-agents, and ear-wigged electricity-meters installed with government approval.

please add to the list of suspects the growing number of crêperies, patisseries, bijou french cafés, delicatessens, and trendy little bodega-style juice and cocktail-bars which have sought to subvert and infiltrate the monotone grey of the traditional british suburb.

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