I am not, and have never been, funded by any tobacco company. If they want to fund me to moan about the ridiculous control freaks who pretend they care about health, I will accept.
I would even put their logos on the blog.
Ah, but... if I were to put their logos on the blog, that would be considered tobacco advertising and the control freaks would demand they be removed. If I then took the logos down, the same control freaks would insist that I was hiding my connections to the tobacco companies and that the absence of logos proves it. See how they work?
That's not really important. No tobacco company has ever offered to fund me and I doubt they ever would. Why would they, when I do it for free anyway? Although they might be induced to pay me to keep quiet about the latest addition to the blogroll. A site I should have been paying more attention to during this year's gardening cycle.
It's easier to grow your own in Wales than in Scotland and the Welsh Arsembly are about to ensure that gardening becomes a big interest for a lot of the Welsh. That fragmented society Frank describes is about to lose more links. Not content with dropping society on the floor, the idiots Wales elected are now stamping on it.
When (not if) the controlling dickheads decide to make growing tobacco illegal, they cannot police it. The plants will grow as big as you let them, they will grow in a pot on a windowsill as well as in the garden. Not as big but they'll have leaves and flowers on them and that's what you need. They do not have the distinctiveness of cannabis, the leaves look just like any other common border plant. You don't need all the fancy lighting and installation that goes with cannabis (and banning that has totally stopped all growing, hasn't it?). It will even grow wild on waste ground and produce vast quantities of seed. Within a few years it could be sprouting in the Dreadful Arnott's window box and the chances are she won't even notice it.
Health? This war on smokers was never about health. Never. There was not one iota of concern for anyone's health in the minds of any of the Ban Brigade and there still isn't. It is about control and money. That is it. Now they want to ban advertising for foods 'they' consider bad for us. Oh, and where did the antismokers start? Do you remember?
Make no mistake, it's a war. We smokers have always tried for compromise, complied with more and more draconian regulations and put up with assaults on our liberty - and sometimes on ourselves - but where we have tried to fight back we have always tried to do it fairly. With consideration for non-smokers.
That approach has to be abandoned. It's time to seed this land from coast to coast with tobacco and to hell with those whose children get hold of it, whose dogs and cats eat it and who find it growing in their gardens. Too bad. We didn't start this war. We didn't, and still don't, want to fight it. The demands of the antismokers have just kept coming, they have become more and more intrusive and more and more downright evil. The hate and abuse directed at smokers with Government approval is disgusting. The medical profession are actively seeking all our deaths and if we don't die, they have a pill to fix that.
No smoking on trains or anywhere on the platforms. No smoking on buses, at bus stations or bus stops. No smoking in pubs, clubs, restaurants, or cafes even if no nonsmoker has ever entered the place. No smoking at work. No smoking outside work. No smoking in the street and soon no smoking in the middle of the fucking Sahara desert. A camel might explode if it gets a whiff of smoke, or some council arsewipe will show up to fine you for dropping ash in the sand.
Is that enough? No. No smoking in your car. No smoking in your home. No smoking in your garden. No smoking in your rowing boat even if you are five miles offshore. It is not going to stop. If you like a drink or a burger, they have already started on you and that will never stop either.
That's just some of the demands of the antismokers and I've left out the ones calling for snipers and gangs of armed thugs. Do you know the demands of the smokers? Have you ever heard them?
There aren't any. Not one. There is only one small request. "Leave us alone".
The antismokers will never do that. Never. They will not stop until we are eradicated and stopping smoking is only a temporary defence. Ex-smokers are not quite as villified as active smokers yet but once they've eradicated us, the difference between an ex-smoker and a never-smoker will suddenly become all to horribly clear.
I know the born-again non-smokers who have embraced the path of Righteousness will not believe that. Those ex-smokers who have not become Righteous will see it coming. Forewarned is forearmed. Another apparently lost saying.
Everyone has heard of the Daleks. Absolutely ruthless and unstoppable killers. They do not sign treaties, they do not make deals, they do not compromise. When you fight Daleks the outcome is - they die or you die. Leave one alive and it keeps killing. They cannot be reasoned with and they are not interested in your opinion. They simply keep doing what they do until whoever is the Doctor this time manages to destroy them.
The Daleks are fiction but that mindset is not. It is the mind of the Righteous. That's why the BBC does it so well. That mindset does not care about you. You are inferior. You must comply or be exterminated. The Righteous mind considers no other options. Your opinion is irrelevant. They know best.
That is what smokers have been trying to reach compromise with. That is what the entertainment industry, the drinks industry and the food industry have been dealing with when they think they are reaching a reasonable compromise. They are up against Dalek-like minds and they have not realised. The Righteous will not stop. Every compromise is just another step on the way to total domination.
Argue, or even hint that they might not be working in everyone's (or indeed anyone's) best interests and you get the same response, no matter the subject of discussion. All dissenting smokers are shills for Big Tobacco. Anyone disagreeing with global warming is an oil industry stooge. Anyone against further alcohol controls is working for Big Booze. Anyone against food controls is in the pay of Big Food or Big Salt or Big Cheese. You are addicted and therefore your mind is scrambled to the point where you cannot make your own decisions. No matter the subject. It's always the same.
It's not new. Think back to all those online discussions where someone so much as suggests that uncontrolled immigration might not be perfect. Immediately they were - and often still are - declared a BNP member, a gas chamber advocate, a racist, a bigot, a Nazi. They were, and are, brutally and viciously put down. Just for raising the subject. It's the same game.
The reasons the Righteous do all this are also the same every time. Money and control. This kind of disgusting individual, the slimy, oily contents of the likes of ASH, the BMA, most of modern politics and so on, get a particular sadistic pleasure from ordering others around. The more ridiculous the assertion, the more pleasure they take in watching others comply. These are truly revolting people, the very dregs of humanity, and yet they consider themselves superior. Such vile individuals have always insinuated themselves into administrative positions because they are no bloody use for anything else. Just as a paedophile will try to get a job as a priest, in a school or nursery, the repellent control freak will do their utmost to rise above their park keeper status to a position where they can control more and more people with more and more perverse demands.
The money? That is taken from you by force. You are taxed to pay their wages and if you don't pay you are prosecuted. You pay for those medical officials and in order to keep the money for themselves rather than spend it on the healthcare you think you are paying for, they direct you to live by arbitrary rules allegedly designed to make sure you never get sick so they don't have to use the money on you. That's not what the rules are for. They exist only so that you can be blamed for your illness.
That applies to smoking, drinking, food, how much exercise you take, anything at all. The money you pay as an insurance against becoming ill is not for you to use if you become ill. It is to pay for the consultant's golf club fees and his new Bentley and his huge house and his children's private education and so on. If you get ill, it's your own fault. You cannot have followed the rules or you wouldn't be ill. The rules consist of invented numbers and arbitrary declarations but that doesn't matter. Protest your compliance all you want. If you are ill then you cannot have been following the rules. It's your fault so they don't have to help you.
The Netherlands' government have decided they will no longer pay the antismokers to tell them how to make people suffer. Suddenly it's all about smokers' health again, smokers will die because nobody is helping them, plague and despair will blight the land. The antismokers are back to square one and they genuinely believe that we do not remember that this is where they started, and that we do not remember anything that has happened since.
That's not hyperbole. They truly think that way. The Righteous are superior and are the only thinking beings on the planet. The rest of us have no minds of our own and cannot remember what we had for breakfast. We plebs could not possibly have seen the plan unfold for tobacco, then again for alcohol, salt and food. Only the Righteous have the brains to deal with such complex issues. It worked last time and it will work again.
On that last part they are unfortunately right. They keep coming back with the same rubbish and the dopes keep falling for it. The thing is, they normally wait a few decades between their attempts and this time they aren't going to do that. This time the Prohibitionists aren't going to slink off, lick their wounds and plot their return.
This time they intend to push until they have absolute control over every detail of everyone's life. This is our opportunity to show them as they really are and to show them what happens when they persist while the tide turns.
It's time for smokers to take the offensive. No more taking it on the chin. No more turning the other cheek. The antismokers have not had a war so far, they have been shooting fish in a barrel.
I know some will come here and say 'Well, can't we compromise?' Listen, that is what smokers wanted all along. Let us have our places and you have yours. The results of our attempts at compromise? A ban on smoking on private vehicles soon to be followed by a ban on smoking in private homes. Many rented properties already have this. Just you try compromising on beer or lemonade or salt or sausages. Go on, have a go. Watch the prices rise and the places you can buy these things fade away. Then come back and talk about compromise.
No compromise can be initiated by the smokers. All our attempts have been ignored and that will continue. The government will not even discuss the issue.
Next Spring I will be sprinkling seed everywhere I go. Most won't grow but I have so, so much of it here that I only need a fraction of one percent to germinate to set this in motion. One plant growing here and there is enough. Each one will produce thousands more seeds. Tiny seeds that the winds will carry for miles. Once it starts it cannot be stopped.
Don't bother telling me that people might get sick or be inconvenienced. Don't bother telling me that cattle and sheep will eat it and the meat will be full of nicotine (it won't harm the animals or normal people, and I don't care about antismokers). Don't bother asking me for compromise. We've tried that over and over and there is no compromise on offer. Only more hate and spite.
In the years to come, when even the most ardent antismoker fails a cotinine test because of the weeding they did at the weekend and the roast beef they had on Sunday, when these plants are popping up like triffids on every railway embankment and every roadside verge, perhaps one lone antismoker will think to themselves...
"All the smokers ever wanted was to be left alone. If only we had."
Somehow I doubt they will ever reach that conclusion. Still, there'll be free tobacco for all just there for the picking.
We won't need the tobacco companies any more. Perhaps then the drones will accuse us of being funded by hedgerows?