No more hard drugs.

I avoid all forms of medication because most drugs have side-effects that are worse than what you had in the first place. Every day I get generous offers of discount pharmaceuticals by Email, usually starting 'Dear Mr. Floppy...'

That bit still works despite the warnings on the baccy and despite the same warnings on the booze. Just can't seem to kill it unless I think about Deborah Arnott. So, no Viagra here, not yet anyway.

The NHS supply this to men whose flexible friend refuses to develop a stiff upper lip. Quite right too, it's a medical issue that the NHS can fix. There are those who insist the NHS should not be involved and there is some logic these days in keeping medical problems well away from them. Some say the NHS 'should not be using my tax money to fix people who are ill' and the same people insist we must keep the NHS while not allowing anyone to use it. Ah, reality is so difficult to get a grip on for some people.

Now it seems your NHS-sponsored bonkathons are to be rationed. You can have two goes a month and that's it. Married men can sell their spare ones on the internet. It's back to the old lollipop sticks and elastic bands for anyone who gets a bit frisky at the wrong time of the month.

Viagra does have some potentially nasty side effects, which is a little odd considering that it was originally designed to treat some other ailment, was found to be no good at that but is now sold because of its unusual side-effect in the trouser region. Still, it's not safe for everyone and so anyone thinking of getting this hard drug really should only get it after a doctor has checked it won't kill you. If it does, the funeral director will have to drill a hole in the coffin lid and they charge extra for that. Although I understand it's free to have a little flag on the end.

So, what is likely to happen? It's obvious really. Those daily spam Emails keep coming for a reason - people are buying dodgy willie-pills from them already. When the NHS restricts this medication, those using it will simply buy from the criminals. People who would be advised by a doctor to avoid these drugs will not be so advised by the criminals. Some will be fakes and some will contain dangerous additives.

This is already happening with tobacco and booze and soon it will happen with prescription drugs. The criminals will flourish and we'll all be told we're very naughty for funding terrorism. By those who seek to control us. Um...

It seems to me that it doesn't matter who you buy stuff from any more. We're going to get terrorised anyway. At least the criminals don't terrorise all of us at once and they charge less too.

But hey, as long as the NHS smoking cessation Gestapo and the five-a-day forcefeeding officer get to keep their BMWs, who gives a stuff about the patients? They just clutter the place up. Get rid of them and the NHS won't need doctors or nurses either and they'll then save enough money to put deep-pile carpets throughout the admin block and employ knob inspectors alongside the smoke-sniffers and the waistline measurers.

Funding criminals and terrorists? We already are!