SNP : Gullible oafs.

Picked up this story via Freedom-2-Choose (Scotland). Pat Nurse has the imminent car ban in her sights too.

I hate driving. I can do it, Italian-style. I have a license which has remained untainted by points or endorsments since the day I earned it, my driving criminal history consists entirely of one (1) parking ticket which was my fault for not paying attention and I paid it the same day, so there is nothing - apart from the current absence of a car and the current overfill of Black Bottle - to stop me driving. I just really, really don't like doing it. 'Don't drink and drive' was the advice, years ago. So I don't drive. I've made my choice.

When I drove I didn't smoke while driving. No children in the car, no passengers most of the time (I once had a Mk. 1 Cortina with only the driver's seat in place. It was fun to stop next to hitchhikers. They're a fussy lot, none of them would get in). No, I didn't smoke because I have never mastered the art of one-handed rolling and because I needed both hands on the wheel in a terrified death grip while mad people kept getting in my way.

So really, banning smoking in cars will not affect me. This, however, does:

SCOTLAND'S Environment Minister has launched an angry tirade against smokers who lit up in Princes Street Gardens during the fireworks display.

Stewart Stevenson on Twitter branded four people puffing away next to him during the end of festival exhibition as "foul", and also praised New York's ban on smoking outdoors.

This man is supposed to represent the people. He hates the people - or at least, he hates those who do not conform to his views. Between twenty and thirty percent of those he represents, he regards as vile scum. If you smoke and vote SNP in Scotland you are mad. They hate you. They consider you 'foul' because you are burning a tiny bit of a leaf next to a quarter of a ton of exploding gunpowder.

Princes Street Gardens. Middle of Edinburgh. Right damn smack in the middle. Buses and cars and taxis and lorries and a busy train station next door and also on this night, burning pyrotechnic chemicals. So what does the Environment Monster worry about? Four people burning approximately half of one plant leaf between them. Really. I have tobacco plants and those leaves, even north of Aberdeen, will make eight to ten smokes each. Professionally grown ones in more temperate climes are likely to produce far more. And they won't lose leaves to overdrying and fungus as this amateur does. This is what the Environment Monster is paid to whine about. By. You. And. Me. We pay this girlie-man to cry about his awful, awful dreams.

Perspective is lost on all MPs of all parties. They are all idiots. Vote them all out. I don't care if the BNP get in, they couldn't be worse than the demented morons we have now. At least they wouldn't support the terror gangs of the UAF and the ASH and the Shenkerites, and they would say 'Stick it into your most southerly sphincter' to the Fourth Reich of the EU. As to the BNP's Leftie policies and societal segregation ideas, well aren't we suffering those anyway, no matter which main party gets in? How are they worse exactly? How are they even different? Because they hate different groups of people? Every party hates certain groups. Why would we each vote for the ones that hate us? Make your choice. If you smoke there aren't many.

In the current climate, you could turn the BNP into Kristallnacht in a matter of days, if they could be induced to put ego aside and ignore the increasingly irrelevant and actually trivial middle-class Leftie bleating. Unfortunately (or fortunately perhaps) they are politicians so ego is all they have. Just like all the others. So they remain an irrelevance, a sideshow, a target for tiddlers in the UAF and so the game goes on.

I'd prefer UKIP although their stance on death penalties and using troops to quell riots makes me very uneasy. I'd find it hard to vote for support of that. Once you put down one lot of dissent with the military, it's much easier next time...

Again, ego will keep the UKIP sidelined. Votes would go to local known individuals rather than to party-approved imports, if they were available. Come on Farage, you of all of them must be able to see this. Don't turn all Salmond on me or I'll have to form my own party and that's not going to go well. Especially if I were to win. Imagine Kim-Il-Legiron-Khan and change your pants at once. I'd have a regime that would make Vlad Dracul cover his eyes and say 'Oh dear'.

I considered signing up to comment at the Scotsman but what's the point? The indoctrinated cannot be reasoned with, the intolerant are as intolerable as they always are, and those people are not worth the wear on my keyboard.

They believe I'll kill them with a tiny bit of leaf. Good. I am happy to boost their psychosomatic terrors to the best of my abilities and I started practicing this game very young. They believe thousands die from passive smoking when nobody has? Fine. Thousands will die, antismoker, and guess what? One of them is you. Or your child, I don't care, you choose. I have no more guilt to feel, the relentless guilt-fest has immunised me.

Psychosomiasis is not hypochondria. It's much more fun. People have, quite literally, convinced themselves to death and more often into symptoms of real disease. There are deeply religious people who have so convinced themselves of the reality of stigmata that they do, actually, bleed from wounds they've never had. So you want to believe my smoke will kill you? I will be glad to help. You want to worry your children into sleepless nights and permanent terror? It's easy. I'll show you how. Heck, I don't need to. You're perfectly capable of doing it yourselves and already are. All you need are a few words of encouragement and your children will grow up as neurotic and as scared of shadows as you. Let's meet and talk, smokophobe. It'll be fun. For me.

There will be nothing wrong with your lungs when you die, smokophobes, as there is nothing wrong with mine after thirty years of puffing at the leaves. You will die of nothing but your own gullibility and that is not a problem for me.

Just think of me as a sort of Darwin's advocate (anyone left who can get the reference?)

As for the Salmond man, that oily fish I once considered a viable alternative to the usual dopes in government, it turns out he is as gullible and as easily manipulated by drones as the rest of the smokophobic oafs I've been hoping to remove.

The Scottish Government recently said it had "no plans" to extend the smoking laws in the near future, but has admitted that passive smoking for children travelling in cars is a major concern for ministers.

A major concern? Global condemnation for letting the Magwai go, covering Scotland in so many useless windmills you'd need a platoon of Don Quixotes to even get started, pub/club industry collapsing, that little independence thing they seem suddenly keen to push onto the back burner, oil rights, massive unemployment, drugs rife, and their major concern is that kids might get a little whiff of smoke from a driving parent?

Oh, let's not worry about the stuff pumped out by the car they're in and the ones around it, let's forget the plasticisers and the residue of those vile cleaning chemicals (anyone tried that spray dashboard cleaner? You have to leave the car alone with the windows open for a week), let's forget that the water-filled dummy in that child's mouth was filled with water in Korea, let's overlook the little detail that if you drive in Slough, the air coming through your beautifully clean and chemically-saturated non-smoking car contains more tobacco smoke than any smoker could produce in a lifetime, let's pretend it's all one thing.

Let's worry about someone burning a fraction of a leaf and of someone getting a hint of smoke from a fraction of a burned leaf. Because we know it's never hurt anyone at all, ever, but it helps to distract us from doing anything actually important.

Salmond, you are an idiot of the first water. And the last water, and all the water in between. Plus the ice on top and the wet mud beneath and the rain also. Idiot.

Your ministers are even more stupid than you. Your environment monster could be a study for a PhD in stupid. The buck stops with you, Oily Al. You gave him the job. You are responsible for his prejudices. You have made his prejudices government policy. You disagree? That is not what your voters see. Especially the smoking drinking fat ones. Oh wait, they just became ex-voters, even the ones who are less fat than you. Ah well, that EU parasite life beckons, eh, Al?

And still, the SNP are the best of the four main options in Scotland. If there is a God, he really, really hates Scotland. I am sure he hates fish-boy more than me because he has not yet put me in a position of being globally ridiculed. You bloody fool, Salmond. It would have been so easy if you just had a little bit of common sense and a hint of courage. Do they surgically extract those on election? Dammit man, what the hell did they trade you for your principles?

What did they pay you to alienate the smoking and drinking voters of Scotland? Scotland! Are you totally fucking insane? Don't you have windows in your room? What next, a haggis ban? Oh but your EU pals have that one already fired up. Along with a ban on fatty foods which will consign you and your moronic monsters to utter obscurity forever. You short fat dick.

We are apparently forcing democracy on Afghanistan, Libya, Iraq and soon Iran.

Why?

The means of electing idiots make no difference, the idiots still get in.

Libya might as well have stayed with the Gadfly. He shat on the Westmonster and Holyrood governments, after all.

If you drink and vote SNP... well, that game is coming. Eh. Al?