I visited Treherbert once. Once was enough. It's nestled in a valley between sheer mountains so the sun rises at about 10 am in summer and it's gone by 3 pm. It's tiny and there is nothing to attract visitors. The only abundant natural resource is sheep shit.
So a local madman has been making paper out of it. He's doing well, too. Surprisingly well. Who would have thought there'd be any demand from paper made of shit? Well, it's ideal for writing to MPs, I suppose. Especially if you tell them it's edible rice-paper.
Oh, but the man's inventiveness goes beyond shitpaper, oh yes indeed. He built a still to make his own vodka. That didn't go so well. So he's blown up one of the few houses in Treherbert's only street.
One of the residents brings forth the Cheeldren, naturally...
Neighbour Susan Minty, 52, said: 'He was definitely old enough to know better - he's going to wake up with one hell of a hangover.
'It's crazy, you don't go making something like that in a terrance street especially when there's lots of kids about.
The name sounds familiar. She might have been at school with me. She's quoted so the misspelling of 'terraced' is down to the ineptitude of the journalist. As for her claim of 'lots of kids', well, go and have a look at Treherbert. There aren't very many people at all.
But crazy? The man makes paper out of sheep shit, and she considers a still 'crazy'? I would think that the still is one of the more mainstream things he's been doing in there.
What I found very interesting was the reaction of the police -
'It's not a criminal offence to brew your own alcohol for private use, unless it's being carried out without licence for commercial benefit.
Well, I knew that was true for beer and wine, but distillation? I had thought that was illegal full stop. When we had glass stills in labs, for producing distilled water, we had regular visits from the revenue men to sniff them in case we were making booze. It doesn't happen any more because we have reverse-osmosis for cleaning up the tap water for experiments and you can't make booze with those. Maybe it's different in Scotland?
There'll be a lot more of this amateur distillation happening, legal or not. That's all thanks to Darth Shenker and his merry band of evil bastards, backed up as usual by the BMA which used to be a medical institution but is now a political party you can't vote out.
So, ASH score one death today, the Shenkerites score one serious burning, and the BMA can claim credit for both.
They'll be partying tonight.
Incidentally, the local madman in question is pictured in front of something I remember well from my early youth in the 1960s. We had one of those fire/oven combos in our council house, and his looks original. I wouldn't mind having one of those now. Cooking without electricity or gas charges. Sounds good.