Wednesday, 13 July 2011

Water, water everywhere -

- but don't dare drink a drop.

Yes, water is bad for you now. Did you know it's as addictive as cocaine and claims many more addicts than all drugs combined? Secondary water fills the sewers and costs the NHS money (don't ask me, I haven't reached their level of insanity yet). Urination will soon be monitored and any excess will be forced back in.

The NHS – along with leading doctors and nutritionists – advises the public to drink about 1.2 litres (or two-and-a-half pints) of water per day.

Everyone, every day, no matter the temperature, no matter how much physical work you do. You are all clones and all require exactly the same. Like bacteria.

However, a report describes the danger of dehydration as a ‘myth’ and says there is no evidence behind claims that water prevents multiple health problems.

Dehydration is a myth. You cannot die from that. Water is not the fluid your kidneys use to remove contaminants from your blood and lack of water will not give you kidney stones. Believe it all, drones. Don't drink water, accept no salt at all, and your life will be perfect.

Glasgow-based GP Margaret McCartney says the NHS Choices website’s advice that people should drink six to eight glasses a day is ‘not only nonsense, but thoroughly debunked nonsense’.

Practically everything that has come out of the health service for the last two decades has been thoroughly debunked nonsense. Why pick on the one possibly sensible suggestion they have made in all that time?

She adds that the benefits of the drink are often exaggerated by ‘organisations with vested interests’ such as bottled water brands.

Aha, it's Big Water. Evil capitalist Big Water is forcing their filthy addiction on you all. You don't need water to live. All it does is make you pee and that's a disgusting and filthy habit. Water addicts exude their filth through their skin and they stink. Why should the rest of us have to put up with that sweaty stench? We demand the right to BO-free air and if anyone wants to drink water they should do it in their own homes and not bother we perfect ones.

The drones still won't see it, you know. They will never make the connection. Not even when the shrivelled corpses of their friends and family clatter to the ground around them, still they won't see it. Even though the technique is always exactly the same, they simply cannot comprehend what is being done to them. Soon they will teach children to slap bottled water out of people's hands and encourage the denormalisation of the vile urinators.

There's something deeper here though. Yesterday, washing caused obesity. Which is ludicrous. Today, there is no such thing as dehydration and we're all drinking too much water. Even though we drink far more tea and beer, so the straight-water intake is not the principal fluid intake overall.

So, when is the water supply due to collapse? Alternatively, how much tax can we expect to pay on water soon?

Rain barrels are currently very cheap and all you really need to do is boil it. Could be worth the investment.


Anonymous said...

To the issue of water taxes, there are those of a sort in some parts of the US where collecting rain water on your own property is banned and you can be fined. The monopolistic "logic" is that the government owned water supplies would be threatened if rain water were not permitted to seep into the water tables and into reservoirs from which government draws the water, which it then sells back to the residents, metered for a fee. Parts of Colorado come to mind and I think there may be others, you cannot collect rain water that falls on your own private property, government claims the right to it.

Slamlander said...

Anonymous is full of BS. There is no such ban on rain water collection except in mosquito zones. Even then, they only require that it be covered by mesh. You don't really want mosquito larva in your drinking water anyway.

Yes, I have actually lived in Colorado. We call that bullshit over their. I believe that your word is "bullocks". ;)

Slamlander said...

I posted this at the LA Times and on my own blog The Slamlander

The DEA maintains that Marijuana is a schedule I dangerous substance: my answer

Dihydrogen Monoxide has no acceptable medical use either and it is not on any drug schedule. It is highly addictive and has withdrawal symptoms that always result in death. Taken in excess, it can also result in death, more certain than marijuana. In fact, it is 1000 times deadlier than heroine. Its potential for abuse is enormous.

Dihydrogen Monoxide is also known as a Universal Solvent and can dilute and carry in solution almost any other substance, both organic an inorganic. An overdose of Dihydrogen Monoxide kills by dissolving and leeching out the minerals in the body. The sufferer enters a coma and dies. there is no known treatment for massive Dihydrogen Monoxide overdose.

Why isn't it on the DEA's Schedule I?

I thought that might get a chuckle ;)
By comparison Marijuana is relatively benign.

JuliaM said...

"Don't drink water..."

Fantastic advice! I'm sticking to whisky, then!

delcretin said...

Don't worry, we'll still be able to get powdered water from Big Pharma. Instructions: Just add water.
Warning: may contain water.

hangemall said...


Ah, filthy Dihydrogen Monoxide, aka Hydroxyl Acid aka Hydroxylic Acid aka Hydronium Hydroxide and probably other things.

From something I copied from somewhere many moons ago:-

Dihydrogen monoxide:

* is called "hydroxyl acid", the substance is the major component of acid rain.

* contributes to the "greenhouse effect".

* may cause severe burns.

* contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.

* accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.

* may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes.

* has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients.

Despite the danger, dihydrogen monoxide is often used:

* as an industrial solvent and coolant.

* in nuclear power plants.

* in the production of styrofoam.

* as a fire retardant.

* in many forms of cruel animal research.

* in the distribution of pesticides. Even after washing, produce remains contaminated by this chemical.

* as an additive in certain "junk-foods" and other food products.

I think it was part of a spoof street interview project by some students asking the public if they wanted this vile substance banned.

Back to drinking the stuff, I remember reading somewhere somebody writing that an early paper on the topic said one should have a certain amount of water *in the diet*, not necessarily separate from everything else.

View from the Solent said...

W C Fields was way ahead of GP Margaret McCartney

Anonymous said...

The drones will easily side step this...they'll just drink more lager, coke and red bull.

Sue said...

As usual, I'm speechless. Who are these people that continually lecture us?

I think I'll come back to the UK and start a vigilante group and shoot them before they open their mouths.

Bullets cause death too.

Zebras said...

Who doesn't just drink when they're thirsty? Does that not work anymore?

Anonymous said...

Here are some links to the bullshit:

You may not be aware of this, but many Western states, including Utah, Washington and Colorado, have long outlawed individuals from collecting rainwater on their own properties because, according to officials, that rain belongs to someone else.


Although rainwater collection is drawing new interest as an onsite water source, harvesting rain is against the law in two states and is limited in a third.

Colorado and Utah prohibit rainwater collection, and Washington State allows it only in a few regions such as Seattle and the San Juan Islands, the Journal article said


As bizarre as it sounds, laws restricting property owners from “diverting” water that falls on their own homes and land have been on the books for quite some time in many Western states.


Yes, it's all just bullshit.

Thnaks for letting me know since I live in the western part of the US, I wouldn't know as much about it as you living somewhere else.

Slamlander said...

@Anonymous: I've lived in the West for over 43 years including California, Colorado, Texas, Nevada, and Oregon. I've only lived in Europe for 14 of my years; the first 6 and the last 8.

I had a rainwater barrel in Colorado Springs, when I worked for MCI. I was also stationed at Fort Carson for a while in the 70's.

Yes, the Metropolitan Water District had a clain on groundwater in most of California but there was never any restriction on rainwater.

Check out the bio on my website, dude.

Anonymous said...

Dear Mr Leg-iron

The internet is a wonderful resource if used wisely.

It can supply real information direct from the information source: thus if one wishes to determine whether Colorado state laws proscribe rainwater harvesting one can readily search for the information from a Colorado state website.


Of course this may end a lot of harmless bickering and spoil some fun, a bit like CAGW* and the deadly effects of second hand tobacco*** smoke but without the employment prospects.


* Computer Aided Global Warming**

** I think.

*** All other smoke is good for you.

sixtypoundsaweekcleaner said...

Well, in olden times, doncha know, they used to drink ale rather than water, because water was almost always contaminated.

Not much change there then, with chlorine and floride being added to our water without our permission...

Who knows what it's doing to our insides?

Leg-iron said...

£60aweek - what do you mean, 'in olden times'? ;)

I don't care what happens in Colorado. That's a long, long way away. I have considered what I'd do if 'water control' takes hold here, and what I'd do is run a rain-downpipe in through the wall to the garage. In there it would fill tanks and overflow back into the same outside pipe.

It can be made at least unnoticeable, if not invisible. I hope it won't come to that, but it costs nothing to think ahead.

George Speller said...

Pen and Teller:

goody two flues said...


that's naughty

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