Judge Homer.

One of Homer Simpson's wise sayings was "If a thing's hard to do then it's not worth doing". This is now the attitude of the law and that goes double for the spineless morons on every seat in the Houses of Parliament.

Setting up your own courts and dispensing your own justice is most definitely not allowed in this country. Vigilante groups are illegal. Even defending yourself against a criminal remains illegal despite several of the lying toads in government pretending they want to change that.

So it should not be surprising that the Ministry of Justice started a probe into the illegal Sharia courts that are popping up all over the place. Actually, I was surprised to learn that they had begun such an inquiry because our leaders have all the strength of over-diluted jelly and all the moral fibre of a sociopathic child-meat smuggler.

I was not at all surprised to hear that they had given up the inquiry because the criminals didn't want to be investigated. What the blistering crap did they expect? "Oh sure, effendi, come right this way and see our illegal courts in action. Pick up your dirty postcards on the way out." You would think that the Ministry of Justice, of all people, would realise that those who are involved in illegal activities are likely to resist being investigated, but such considerations are evidently far too complex for them.

The failure of the Ministry of Justice probe has generated new fears among politicians and pressure groups about the increasing influence of Sharia courts.

The Ministry of Justice is not fit for purpose. Sack the lot and hire some new ones.

They are worried the courts' decisions may run against the law of the land, particularly in divorce settlements for women.

Another quote from wise old Homer - "D'oh". That one was in the Iliad, I think. Besides, it is irrelevant whether a Sharia court's decisions match the law of the land or not. They are illegal courts and constitute vigilante justice. That is the only consideration necessary.

The scrapping of the inquiry comes in a week when Islamic extremists have launched a campaign to declare 'Sharia-controlled zones' across Britain.

They are not even hiding their determination to self-rule within the UK. They are putting up posters declaring whole sections of towns and cities to be outside UK law and entirely under Sharia law. The Mail even has a photo of a loonie in the act of putting up a poster. And the dozy cretins of the Ministry of Justice can't find them. Follow the posters, and lay off the cocaine for a while, and you might eventually get there, folks. With a little luck you might even find them before the first dead smokers, drinkers, homosexuals and musicians start showing up. But I doubt it.

What will happen when the first gay corpse is dragged behind an untaxed, uninsured tatty taxi and dumped in Piccadilly Circus?

Nothing.

The police are now target driven so hard crimes get dropped. If it's hard to solve, it's not worth doing. It might make you miss your target for the month so best get out there chasing dropped fag-ends and drivers doing five miles an hour over the speed limit at 3 am on an empty motorway.

On the other hand, it's difficult to blame the police for not chasing serious criminals when the courts are just going to let them go anyway.

One day I'll buy a little island somewhere, big enough to grow food and a few sheep. It'll only have one law, and that law will be displayed at every landing point all around the shore. It will say, in letters visible well out to sea, 'Just fuck off'. I am considering a second law 'And don't come back,' but I think that's implicit in the first law anyway. I'm just waiting until the global warming scam makes those little islands very cheap.

This country? It's stuffed. Forget it. It's run by halfwits who can only tell you one thing for certain, and that's the flavour of their office windows. They are not going to do anything that could be mistaken for an intelligent action at any point, ever. Don't wait for them to grow a brain between them. It is not going to happen.

We're not going to hell in a handcart. We arrived some time ago and the handcart has gone back for a refill.