Monday, 17 May 2010

Ming the Meaningless.

The arch-enemy of Flush Gordon, Ming the Meaningless, wants the Speaker's job. It's hardly surprising. He's a Lib Dem and they all want to be Speaker because the Speaker isn't allowed to make a decision on policy. It's the Lib Dem dream job - all the money, all the prestige, no decisions.

Spooky Madcow has apparently launched a PR campaign to avoid being voted out of the Big Brother House and to keep his job. That's it. PR. It's all they are about now, any of them. Why bother with all those reality TV shows? The Houses of Parliament contain things that are even more bizarre than having to climb a mountain of blancmange or eating kangaroo testicles.

Everyone I speak to says they'd never watch 'Prime Monster's Question-dodging Time' because it's dull. Really? It's top-level TV these days, right up there with Big Brother and Australian Jungle Has-been Torment Fun and the Simon Cowell Humiliate-an-Idiot show. It leaves Constipation Street, the cul-de-sac in Liverpool where nobody with any sense would buy a house and that farm thing that used to have someone called Seth in it right out in the cold.

No wonder the Brown Gorgon was such a big fan of 'X factor'. It's how government is run these days. Form over function, every time.

I look forward to the Cameroid facing down the next Labour party frontman with 'I will answer his question if he eats this spider'. Although if it turns out to be Ed Balls it wouldn't be much fun. He has tarantulas for breakfast. Prescott the Hut wouldn't have batted an eyelid (he can't, his eyes are too fat).

You know, that might even get the viewing figures up. 'Would the Prime Monster like to choose between a vote on a referendum on the EU, or eating this live slug?'

We complain about the BBC licence fee but really, the BBC could produce a show like this for far less cost than we currently pay for it. It would probably do far less harm to the economy, too.

In this week's episode, Ming the Meaningless beams his deadly Indecision Ray at London in order to take control, while Busted Flush Gordon is incapacitated and forced to sit on a bench at the back and mutter incoherently. Ming's robot henchman, the Clegginator, has snared the deadly Cameroid and is ready to unleash that left-leaning monstrosity on the world at Ming's command.

Does that sound like a cheesy Sixties science fiction show? It does, doesn't it?

It's modern British politics. Come on, BBC, try to keep up.

Politicians complain that we don't take politics seriously. They really can't understand why.


subrosa said...

Just one wee point LI. Ming isn't the arch enemy of Brown. In the days when I used to take the red-eye to London on a Monday morning, Ming and Gordon always sat together. Best buddies. The reason Ming didn't accept a place in Gordon's cabinet was because he feared the backlash from Scottish libdems.

Surprised me it did, but then I was naive at the time.

Anonymous said...

Bring back Betty Boothroyd a speaker who did the job with dignity! Since her stint we've had Lord Gorbals Mick - someone who gave the real Gorbals a bad name & Bercow - whose heart belongs on the Labour benches. Surely there's one honest deserving MP out there who could do the job properly?

g1lgam3sh said...

Nice :-)

Gendeau said...

"Surely there's one honest deserving MP out there who could do the job properly?"

You're new around here, aren't you!

Like the optimism, but it won't last - reality sucks in politics

circus monkey said...

Ming looks knackered these days. He needs to go back on the tonic wine, poor old soul!

Antipholus Papps said...

"Surely there's one honest deserving MP out there who could do the job properly?"

George Galloway would be good value for money! It would make the transition to Big Brother house complete.

Leg-iron said...

Subrosa - true, but it's more fun to imagine Ming in a Fu Manchu moustache and the Gorgon in Spandex.

A lot of Spandex.

Leg-iron said...

I wonder - could any of the parties afford to lose an MP to the Speaker's chair at the moment? Better to leave him in place, since no party has anyone to spare for votes.

They could pick out an SNP or Plaid Cymru MP for the chair. That would be funny.

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