All in one!

Finally, the junk science comes together in one article and the only journal that will publish it is the Daily Mail.

In this particular invented scare story, a 42-year-old woman is computer-aged to what she would look like at 52 if any of the rubbish was true. For reference, I am 51, smoke, drink, ignore all guidelines, eat what the hell I like, haven't been inside a gymnasium since school (and rarely even then), and have none of the symptoms described. I am also not obese and don't have cancer or gallstones or kidney stones or anything else wrong with me.

I often have bags under my eyes but that's due to lack of sleep brought on by an excessive attraction to espresso. Yes, I drink caffeine too, and have no idea how much per day so don't ask.

So, two glasses of wine a day will give you the complexion of WC Fields in a mere ten years. Really? Wine isn't even proper drinking. It's what you drink when you're off the booze. If WC Fields had two glasses of wine in a day he'd have died of withdrawal. He was, shall we say, considerably more efficient at ridding the local environment of booze and it took him longer than a decade to get that famous red nose.

Smoking will turn you as grey as John Major and eating sugar will turn you into Mr. Blobby. Oh, the drones lap it up. The idea that almost nobody looks as good at 52 as they did at 42 (without surgical intervention) simply doesn't occur. The concept of a computer model that is designed by prohibitionists to show exactly what the prohibitionists want it to show is way too difficult to grasp. I'd pity the simpletons if I didn't hate them so much.

I think my favourite simpleton so far has to be Very Female Ex-pat.

Ewww. Lisa, England must stink. Smokers are so gross. Filthy from the inside-out. For sure, those who binge drink are also filthy on the inside, and stink, too, but those of us who drink with moderation and to accompany our fine dining, are far from stinky, whereas smokers most certainly are stinky." - Very Female Ex-Pat, Japan, 20/10/2011 2:04 

It's okay when she drinks but everyone else is disgusting. Especially smokers, who can see what's coming for her because we've been through the same template, but poor dopey VFE is happy in her bigotry and convinced it can't happen to her. Much as a lot of vapers are now - they think stopping smoking tobacco counts as stopping smoking, but it was never about the tobacco. It was about the act of smoking. The sights are still on you folks.

Here she is again, doing a CAMRA.

It's not wine, it's the rest of the rubbish people consume. Why pick on wine when people are stuffing their faces with soft drinks, sugar-laden snacks and other stodge. Leave wine out of this equation. - Very Female Ex-Pat, Japan, 20/10/2011 0:25 

'Don't ban me. Ban them instead and I'll support you.' It didn't work for CAMRA and it won't work for you, VFE. You see, these people plan to 'ban them' as well as you, not instead of. You're trying to deflect a cluster bomb five feet to the left. It won't help.

There it is, all in one. Smoking, drinking and eating. Any of those things will make you look like Herman Munster's ugly brother even though it never actually does in real life. But experts have said and studies have shown and like Climatology, computer models are real and real life is just in the imagination of heretics.

It's funny to watch this wino squirm while still, still bashing smokers. She has the mentality of someone looking up and seeing a piano-shaped object and wondering why it's getting bigger.

One day it'll hit her.