Thursday, 20 October 2011

All in one!

Finally, the junk science comes together in one article and the only journal that will publish it is the Daily Mail.

In this particular invented scare story, a 42-year-old woman is computer-aged to what she would look like at 52 if any of the rubbish was true. For reference, I am 51, smoke, drink, ignore all guidelines, eat what the hell I like, haven't been inside a gymnasium since school (and rarely even then), and have none of the symptoms described. I am also not obese and don't have cancer or gallstones or kidney stones or anything else wrong with me.

I often have bags under my eyes but that's due to lack of sleep brought on by an excessive attraction to espresso. Yes, I drink caffeine too, and have no idea how much per day so don't ask.

So, two glasses of wine a day will give you the complexion of WC Fields in a mere ten years. Really? Wine isn't even proper drinking. It's what you drink when you're off the booze. If WC Fields had two glasses of wine in a day he'd have died of withdrawal. He was, shall we say, considerably more efficient at ridding the local environment of booze and it took him longer than a decade to get that famous red nose.

Smoking will turn you as grey as John Major and eating sugar will turn you into Mr. Blobby. Oh, the drones lap it up. The idea that almost nobody looks as good at 52 as they did at 42 (without surgical intervention) simply doesn't occur. The concept of a computer model that is designed by prohibitionists to show exactly what the prohibitionists want it to show is way too difficult to grasp. I'd pity the simpletons if I didn't hate them so much.

I think my favourite simpleton so far has to be Very Female Ex-pat.

Ewww. Lisa, England must stink. Smokers are so gross. Filthy from the inside-out. For sure, those who binge drink are also filthy on the inside, and stink, too, but those of us who drink with moderation and to accompany our fine dining, are far from stinky, whereas smokers most certainly are stinky." - Very Female Ex-Pat, Japan, 20/10/2011 2:04 

It's okay when she drinks but everyone else is disgusting. Especially smokers, who can see what's coming for her because we've been through the same template, but poor dopey VFE is happy in her bigotry and convinced it can't happen to her. Much as a lot of vapers are now - they think stopping smoking tobacco counts as stopping smoking, but it was never about the tobacco. It was about the act of smoking. The sights are still on you folks.

Here she is again, doing a CAMRA.

It's not wine, it's the rest of the rubbish people consume. Why pick on wine when people are stuffing their faces with soft drinks, sugar-laden snacks and other stodge. Leave wine out of this equation. - Very Female Ex-Pat, Japan, 20/10/2011 0:25 

'Don't ban me. Ban them instead and I'll support you.' It didn't work for CAMRA and it won't work for you, VFE. You see, these people plan to 'ban them' as well as you, not instead of. You're trying to deflect a cluster bomb five feet to the left. It won't help.

There it is, all in one. Smoking, drinking and eating. Any of those things will make you look like Herman Munster's ugly brother even though it never actually does in real life. But experts have said and studies have shown and like Climatology, computer models are real and real life is just in the imagination of heretics.

It's funny to watch this wino squirm while still, still bashing smokers. She has the mentality of someone looking up and seeing a piano-shaped object and wondering why it's getting bigger.

One day it'll hit her.


Anonymous said...

I heard a simpleton on the radio last night talking about the proposal of people over 65 being coerced to move from their 2/3 bedroomed house to a smaller gaff.
She was 60 (a very young 60 apparently)her hubby was older (but young inside), but instead of being indignant, angry or pissed off with the proposal she thought that the age limit should be raised to 70ish.
What the fuck's up with these people? Where is the over my dead body mentality gone?

banned said...

"I am 51, smoke, drink, ignore all guidelines, eat what the hell I like..." and the rest of that paragraph. My doctor began telling me that I would be dead within ten years (smoking, drinking, diet blah blah) three decades ago yet here I am still passing an annual medical (employer requirement) 3 decades on.

This weeks good news, DT 19/10/11 Cure or prevent osteoparyasis(sp?), you guessed it,2 glasses of wine a day.

Curmudgeon said...

It's also an urban myth that alcohol causes "boozer's nose" anyway.

Tuesday Kid said...

That sort of scaremongering gives you two poor choices: age naturally and look old, or have a boring life full of boringness and still look old.

I know which I went for, which is why I smoked crack for two years (don't try this at home).

Smoking Hot said...

Now we just look old? l thought we were all supposed to die?

Maverick said...

Classic line ... " Wine isn't even proper drinking. It's what you drink when you're off the booze." .. had me spluttering my tea over the keyboard in laughter ..

nisakiman said...

Funnily enough, I was talking to one of my clients just last week about this sort of rubbish.

She's a doctor, and she and her husband bought an old house here a few years ago. It's in an old village on a hill, and access is by foot only up long rough steps the equivalent of about three or four flights of stairs. The conversation started when she expressed surprise at how not out of breath I was when bringing all my tools (I'm a carpenter, and usually need loads of kit for a job) and materials up to the house. I then proceeded to tell her that I was 62 years old (she thought I was 55 max), I'd been smoking since I was 12, that I drank at least a bottle of red wine every evening, plus a couple of beers (yes, I know you don't think wine is a real drink, but it's my poison of choice :¬p), I eat full fat everything, plenty of sugar, salt and whatever, and that I sleep five to six hours a night. And I never get sick.

I also told her (in no uncertain terms) that I wasn't too keen on the health nazis who seem to be setting the agenda these days.

Ha! You should have seen the expression on her face! Shocked, or what!

Fortunately she's been a good customer for a few years, and we get on well, otherwise I might have lost her!

All she could say was "Oh! Well it must be genetic..."

Yeah, right.

James Higham said...

Was that the age 10 years one with two glasses of wine a night? No wonder she looked awful - only two glasses.

Anonymous said...

I think 'ex-pat from Japan' has probably picked the wrong country. The Japanese love their ciggies and their whisky.

timbone said...

I am 60, and people are surprised, so am I. According to health fanatics, I should either be dead or look it. Instead, I don't. I smoke at least 40 a day. I gave up for 4 years once when I was 20. It made me ill. I drink at leat 10 bottles of wine a week, at least. I have regular blood tests, and recent heart and lung tests, I am fine.
The 'experts' tell me I should be 12.5 stone, I am 16.5 stone. I lost weight a while ago, and got down to 13.5 stone. People kept asking me if I was ill.
What is important is this. I eat a well balanced diet. No, not vegan or even fat free, well balanced. No, not calorie counting and 5 a day shite, well balanced.
ANother important thing is this. I excercise. No, not go to the gym or make sure I walk with a stopwatch. I just make sure I use my body, oh, and I am a trombonist, which means that my heart and lungs work hard.
So, to sum up, I should be dead, or look dead, when in fact, everyone loves me because I am gorgeous!

View from the Solent said...

You should stop reading all that stuff. It's not good for you

Anonymous said...

The deep wrinkles are from the fashion for getting a deep tan when holidays to the continent stopped being just for the very rich, not from smoking.
A fashion reportedly started by Coco Chanel in the 20's.

Decades ago a lady at work, non smoker, non drinker but avid sunbather who had baked herself on Spanish beaches for a forthnight for years,around the age I am now, even had deep wrinkles on her chest.
It seemed to have turned her skin to leather.

I did try sunbathing when I was at school , but it was so boring I couldn't keep it up for long and the fake tan was so primitive in those days, I resolved to be "pale and interesting" from then on.

Of course it would be perfectly in keeping for anti-tobacco to pass pictures of elderly sunbathing enthusiasts off as the long term effects of smoking.

Some of them used olive oil so they could cook better, but in those days nobody knew what the long term effects would be.


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