Tuesday, 25 October 2011

How to lose friends and alienate people.

The Occupiers are busy turning into a more authortitarian version of that which they claim to despise. No surprise, the Righteous wasted no time moving in on them, and now their brave new world is starting to look exactly like the old one but without a roof. Know your enemy, Occupiers, it's not always who it seems to be.

Next, the protest has the potential to stop the Remembrance Day service at St. Paul's. Well, even Hitler didn't manage to close the cathedral but the crusties have done it, and just in time to disrupt the remembrance of those who died to keep it open. They must be so proud. Wave goodbye to the last vestiges of public support, Occupiers. Don't imagine you'll be allowed to leave. Your Righteous handlers won't let you.

Inside the hollow halls of Wastemonster, the fantasy belief in public support is even more bizarre than outside.

Ed Miliband, the Labour leader, described the vote as “a humiliation” for the Prime Minister. “If he can’t win the argument with his own backbenchers, how can the country have confidence that he can win the arguments that matter for Britain?” he said. 

It appears Moribund hasn't been paying attention here. The very fact that all three leaders ordered their MPs to vote against something most people want is enough to destroy confidence not only in Cameron, but in his own party too.The vote is not the humiliation for Cameron. That lies in his orders to vote against one of the main things he promised in order to get elected. He does not see that.

Mr Cameron’s aides insisted that he would emerge from the rebellion with the respect of voters because he had refused to back down.“The Prime Minister is standing firm on his policy. He doesn’t have any regrets,” said a Downing Street source.

The respect of voters because he refused to back down? He's continually backed down on the very issue he was voted in to deliver, namely a referendum on the EU or at least a halt to handing over more power. From this voter's perspective, he has not 'refused to back down'. He has chickened out and declared, very clearly, that he never intended to deliver on his election promises. And he thinks that earns him respect?

A No10 spokesman said: “The House of Commons has clearly voted against this motion.

Yes, and everyone out here in reality-land knows that's because they were all ordered to, backed with threats. Only those who decided their necks were worth more than their seats voted for the motion. The rest will find out what the public think at the next election.

So the public are fully behind the crusties outside Parliament and also fully behind the demented insular dictators inside.

We are also fully behind controls on smoking, controls on booze, controls on food, green taxes on fuel, and many, many other things. We are fully behind public sector strikes and the death-fest that is the NHS. We are fully behind abortion and fully behind anti-abortion. Fully supportive of the Church and of gay marriage and of diversity and of immigration and... well, all I can say is, that's one hell of a big behind, and we're all behind both cheeks of it.

I suppose that's why so much shit lands on us all. Perhaps it's time we stopped being behind and tried the view from the front for a change.

Protests achieve nothing. There's no point taking to the streets when the windows in Westminster are so covered in drool nobody can see through them any more. Fight? With what? Pitchforks against tasers?

Government, crusties, fake-charities, pressure groups, all of them have one common interest. Money. Actually, that's their only interest. They don't produce anything so the money they depend on comes from us. In taxes.

The most effective way to bring all of this crashing down would be a mass resignation. If everyone in the private sector handed in their notice, every business declared itself bankrupt and closed, and every single one of us went onto benefits,. the country would stop in a week. That's not going to happen. Too many people have huge mortgages and loans, they won't risk being homeless and nobody could blame them.

There are small things we can all do. Tiny changes that, spread over millions, soon add up. Get your tobacco and booze somewhere cheaper for a start. If you're in Scotland, get a few friends together and order a batch from a depot in England. You can then access all those offers Oily Al has just denied you. He cannot stop you, the EU won't let him. Take up brewing. Get your tobacco abroad. Or grow it yourself.

Upgrade your car or phone? Why bother? Everything you buy puts a little more tax into government coffers. You don't need a bigger TV, just sit closer to the one you have. You don't need a faster car, it will only cost you more in speed cameras and insurance and petrol anyway. Posh phones use the same network as cheap ones, first class travel gets you there at the same time as second class travel, and all these things not only save you money, they put less into the tax box too.

Look at things and think 'Do I need that enough to give this government 20% of the price?' When you're talking about high-ticket items, that 20% can be a lot of money and most of the time it's on things you don't need anyway. How many times have you brought an impulse-buy home and thought 'Why did I buy that?' I've done it and I bet most people have too.

You can make bread for less than the price of an additive-rich pre-sliced loaf, you can use beef dripping as lard, frying oil and even as a butter substitute. You can swap things rather than dumping your thing and buying the other thing. Second-hand items can often be just as good as the new item and they can be extremely cheap. Sometimes free.

These are all small things and individually, they are of little consequence. Yet look at the panic when Tesco profits dip a little. People aren't wasting all their money, the economy is doomed! If many people do small things, they have a big effect.

Spend less. Then earn less. Work less hard. Earn enough to stay alive (I'm actually below that at the moment and I don't recommend it). Don't bust a gut for stuff you don't really need. That's what's really killing you, not the smoke or the booze or the fat or the salt. When you add it all up, more than half of what you work for is going to the government and they'll use that money to boss you around. You are literally dying to pay tax.

Pay less tax and they'll die, rather than you. Feel no guilt, these people are not your friends.

It's the only weapon we have left. Use it.


Smoking Hot said...

Excellent piece, LI

SBC said...

I agree with Smoking Hot and not Dave.

Anonymous said...

I must admit that now that I go out much less often, including just out to the shops etc - as was discussed on here a few days ago (or was it Frank's place? Can't remember) - as well as saving myself shedloads of money (oodles more than I spend on tobacco, even at full price) it gives me a small feeling of satisfaction that for every item I don't buy or service I don't use, that's just a little bit more tax/duty/VAT that the Government don't get.

JuliaM said...

They are the best comedy show in the capital, though!

Anonymous said...

Spending less won't work.
The Government will just jack up VAT, petrol tax etc to make up its cash shortfall.
We suffer, snouts stay in the troughs.

P T Barnum said...

@ Anon 08:45

But then we'll be saving even more money! Barter, repair, swap, import - it's the only way that makes sense.

Anonymous said...

Dear Mr Leg-iron

These people are addicted to our money. It is our duty to help them, nay force them to break their addiction.

Please help these poor politcos, beurocrats, bansturbators and fake charity leeches overcome their terrible addiction to other people's money.

Join GAMMA* now, support GAMMA now, send money to GAMMA now.

You know it makes sense.


PS I'll be growing tobacco next year and I only smoke three ciggies a year.

* Global Action for Mendacious Money Addicts

pc fuckoff (on the 'all things bright and beautiful' beat) said...

well now, what a year...we've had the arab spring, followed by the british summer, and now we're knee-deep in the effluent drips running-off the moral canvass commonly known as the crusty autumn. lo, a bunch of bolshie boy-scouts descend to hold a bi-sexual jamboree in the porch of a structure designed to symbolize the bountiful bouncing bosom of mother nurture, but which, by default, and by virtue of being held-up through the pulpitary power of prayer alone, has risen inexorably from the ashes to become the revered national icon of getting-away-with-it by the skin of our bloody teeth. still, i suppose the real grown-up martyrs, dying daily for democracy in syria, need something on youtube to give them a crafty careless chuckle, poor bastards (of the free world)...and, after all, it's got to be a good-sight-better than the involuntary vision of a depleted white-house ideology helpfully emancipating both you, your family, and your closest neighbours, from the misery of western laissez-faire oppression in the flashburn of an imperially irrational instant...

...so yes, indeed, sir, here in the parish of pounds, shillings, and pence, the newspress is pumping, and the dear lambs have boldly taken-on the local vicar...

...but nevertheless, i grant you, following the 'remorseless logic' of shaving-off the face of the earth those with funny-looking foreign moustaches whom we don't like the look, or sound, of...an inter-denominational nato air-strike on paternoster square, would definitely appear to be theologically justified...and st paul's, the dean, the odd global-bank, along with a few stray american tourists would, by-and-large, under british law, incontrovertibly constitute acceptable collateral damage.

i'm afraid you must excuse me now, sirs - i have immediate cause to proceed in a heavenly direction unto the whispering gallery, where, god-willing, i shall duly nick a certain mr knowles for abuse of illegal natural substances...unless he agrees to pay penance, of course...in which case, the evening may unavoidably evolve into a long and painstaking ordeal of forensic-foliage-testing and quality-control. afternoon-all.

sam's spam cam said...

you can make bread for less than the price of an additive-rich pre-sliced loaf, you can use beef dripping as lard, frying oil and even as a butter substitute. You can swap things rather than dumping your thing and buying the other thing. second-hand items can often be just as good as the new item and they can be extremely cheap. sometimes free.

oh, yes, mr leg-iron, you've hit it right spot on the button...i think you can count on the fullest support from the ladies at the women's institute...and well-i-never, it's quite a funny co-incidence that you happen to mention beef-dripping...it's such a flexible multi-purpose commodity, you know...a kind of traditional cure-all, actually...that can get one out of some rather tight corners...one can use it do all sorts of things...ok, only the other day liam fox gave me a great tip...ya really, the man of many meets...he let on that it's a perfectly acceptable substitute for ky jelly, ya...well, one has to admit that it's been an absolute revelation on the domestic front...it works a treat...dave used to hate the stuff...now he loves it.

nurse twatitch (chief culinary whip) said...


yes, my dear, quite so...does the trick for me - standard operational procedure straight from the cia handbook...but obviously you may be inclined to revert to cod-liver oil on days when he strays from orthodox neo-conservative doctrine.

the archbishop of camperbury (high priest of camberwell and sacred keeper of the canterbury carrot) said...

mine's the big purple tent with added transept and functional chimney - my outdoor sermon tonight is entitled the ethically-enhanced communion and will explore the wider social benefits of incorporating relevant ceremonial aspects of crustianity into the mainstream established religion of the state...

and my god what a state it's in too.


take, eat, for this is the crust of christ...

(oh lord, is this what i am impelled to do to earn one thesedays?)

ken vibraphone said...

wwwwwwell, i'mmm a biiit ammmbiv-v-v-v-valent abowwt all thizzz - onnn thurrr one hannnd, iii supporrrt theeezzz guyzzz inntolllerrrable rrright tooo prrrotezzzt, barrrt onnn thurrr ov-v-ver hand i v-v-veeeel iiiiiideologically commmpellled to innntrowwduce a bloody grrrrreat connngezzztion charrrge forrr cammmperzzz...but ivvv anyy ovv yuwww waaant meeee tooo favvvvvvver a nuuuuuuuuuute vvvorr yuuuu, iii caaan dooooo thurrr job vvvorrrr vreee.

mz onwonkiwigwo (blessed afro-african nyam ltd) said...

hiya all you cocky commie campers, roll-up, roll-up, it's bargain anti-capitalist barbeque time...come taste my hot spicy chicken-legs, fiver-for-a-piece, or two thighs for ten increasingly collectible euros...get it whilst limited stockings last. no pushing, no barging now: form a nice orderly english cue. na-wah, oyibo.

(all good holey produce guaranteed by god)

sexy sam's spam cam (all proceeds go to charity) said...

hey davey, darling...have you got a minute?...i just need you to run me down to ludgate - apparently there's an autumn bring-and-buy going-on over there, in aid of world poverty. i think we should support it, honey.

Anonymous said...

I suspect that I am a true odd-ball. I have little agreement with anything that is said by the BNP, or by Abu Hamza, or others of their ilk, but believe that they have every right to say it; I am a non-smoker, having never smoked, and have never even considered trying drugs, but think that if you do wish to fill your body with your choice of poison, that is YOUR decision - and the NHS is there to bail you out when you realise your mistakes (and if you learn from them, then the better). However, I do think that you have to respect MY right not to have to suffer the side-effects of your choices - by they smokey atmospheres or obnoxious intrusions upon my person; similarly, you have to commit some of your income to the aforementioned safety-net. The Righteous have every right to express their views, and to hope that we may be won over to them - they do NOT have carte blanche authority to impose upon us their own limited view of life.

Bollocks!... and now I've lost my thread... BUT, the point I was trying to make was going to be a life-changing, epiphanic moment for all of you. Now, you are all going to miss it because I was rather heavy-handed with the box of red this evening. Perhaps that should say more that I can.


dr dudi goodwork (liberal praise therapist) said...


may i take this opportunity to thank the homerton secure psychiatric unit for ably combining their multi-faceted talents and personalities in order to submit this most enlightening comment. such an inspiration to us all.

Leg-iron said...

DP - for three cigarettes a year, one plant is more than you'll need. In fact, three cigars would be a conservative estimate.

Sam's spam cam - Beef dripping on pork/ Are you sick? What you need there is apple sauce.

RSP - if you don't agree with what politicans of any hue say, that means you're normal. Keep it quiet, there aren't many of us and we are not an approved minority.

dr dudi said...



RSP - if you don't agree with what politicans of any hue say, that means you're normal. Keep it quiet, there aren't many of us and we are not an approved minority.

that's a fair point leg-iron and i now feel appropriately ashamed about having directed my comment against anonymous (21:19) - my cheap sarcasm would probably have been better sloshed in the direction of the high-church hippy (19:42). however, i do reserve an irritating suspicion that anonymous (21:19) is the sort of person who would choose to enter private premises, where old buggers have traditionally lit up for centuries, and yet still expect a purified atmosphere, in both word, thought and deed - together with a 50-mile exclusion zone around her prissy person at all times and in all places. moreover, her insistence that we should all be forced to contribute to clinical communist death-camps as opposed to being at liberty to either elect our own private poisonician, or select an appealingly appointed public ditch in which to die, is really rather chilling. by trade, she's probably a necrophilic night-nurse armed with a six-inch hypodermic-syringe and a generous supply of lethal morphine doses stashed inside her well-filled but somewhat skimpy uniform - i know her type, i'm a doctor.

highly hacked-off of hackney said...

judging by the instant deletions, i think you've got a cia operative on your editorial staff, leg-iron.

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