Monday, 22 February 2010

Look out, it's the Bullies!

Nothing can describe the feeling of tapping down the final 'least significant difference' and at last saving the tables of data I've generated. There's always that deflation when masses of numbers are contracted into a few tables, but at least it's done. For now. There are two more sets but I don't yet have all the data for them. Campylobacter takes a long time to grow!

Still, I now have a couple of big bottles of Tsingtao beer which bring back fond memories of China and how I managed to impress them by eating roast dog and disgust them by eating raw garlic. No whisky tonight, some seriously dangerous beasties to deal with tomorrow. Still, time for a browse of blogs and news. And there's possibly the funniest headline of the decade in the Telegraph, too.

Gordon Brown attacked by anti-bullying chief

Oh, those anti-bullies. Always attacking people. You'd think they'd set an example.

The Mandelsnake has been on TV, hissing 'Trust in me' like he did in that cartoon film where he kept trying to catch a small boy, and which has been in the news recently because cartoon orang-utans are racists for playing the blues (hey, this is the world we have to live in. I don't make the rules. I'm just trying to make sense of it).

'The Gorgon is misunderstood', hissed the Mandelsnake. 'He's not so bad. He listens to what people say to him as long as they don't say 'no' and as long as they do as they are told. He doesn't hit anyone. He never has. A phone might hit someone after he's thrown it but the Gorgon has never hit anyone so he's not lying. Very much.'

And yet the head honcho of the anti-bullying hotline (probably a fake charity anyway) claims to have received calls from No. 10 and it wasn't just wrong numbers dialled by Ed Balls in a fit of innumeracy brought on by reading A level exam questions. No, they claim it was someone with a Nokia lodged in their eye-socket querying whether that, and the Hewlett-Packard printer currently working its way upwards through their digestive system, constituted bullying of some form.

The Gorgon's nosegoblins are so panicked at the idea of an election campaign based on relative sanity levels that they are even denying things that have not been claimed to have happened.

It suggested that Sir Gus O'Donnell, the Cabinet Secretary, was so concerned at reports he received that he investigated before delivering a ''pep talk'' to the PM and a warning to calm down.

Sir Gus investigated - which means he had a few words with the printer-digesting staff and asked them 'What's up, dudes'. To which the reply was 'A printer, and it's a long way up'. Then he went to see the Gorgon and asked if he wouldn't mind not battering his staff quite so much. That is what is being claimed. Here is what is being denied.

A Cabinet Office spokesman said it was ''categorically not the case'' that Sir Gus had asked for an investigation and Number 10 said the ''malicious allegations are totally without foundation''.

There's no claim that Sir Gus asked for any kind of official investigation. The claim is that he had a look at what was happening himself. It's an understandable mistake. Labour, like all socialists, cannot conceive of the possibility of individual action so an 'investigation' must necessarily mean a whole committee and a big budget. They cannot accept the possibility of someone working alone and not charging massive amounts for their time. They rarely even blog as individuals, only as a collective.

So they have not actually denied that Sir Gus investigated and had a quiet word. They deny he asked for an official investigation, which has not been claimed. Those lawyers know how to fiddle around with words.

Stories of the Gorgon's assistant-eating ways have been around since he was at the Treasury. Only now, as the Doom of Labour approaches, are panic-stricken Monsters standing up to cry 'Oh no he isn't, he's a very nice man, used to give his mother flowers and that, and he never nailed my head to a coffee table - that was a lie, I deny that completely. The video was faked.'

They have a new soundbite: 'He's no shrinking violet'. That's going to be coming up again and again over the next few weeks. No, he's not a shrinking violet. He's more like a rapidly-spreading nettle patch. With a nest of rattlesnakes in it, which someone is throwing stones at.

I think he's going to blow soon. He's come close on live TV before but the day is coming when he's going to erupt into a full-on rage in front of the cameras. I hope it's not on the BBC. They'll cut away quick, and we want to see him morph into the Incredible Sulk right in front of the cameras. Think of the viewing figures and the royalties as the clip roams the world! Even the BBC would have trouble spending that much money. On second thoughts, no. They would have no trouble spending the entire tax take five times over if they could get at it all.

The bullying thing isn't confined to the Gorgon's immediate vicinity. Over at Corrugated Soundbite, it transpires that the police have arrested EDL leaders who were on their way to Scotland, then raided the homes of those arrested leaders with machine guns, and stole their computers.

They always steal computers. That's why there's nothing interesting on mine. It's all backed up and stashed all over the place. Backup media is cheap and plentiful nowadays, and very, very small. There are no child images on mine either, in any form, and won't be until it arrives at the police station and they load the Glittery Disk of Incrimination. You don't think they would do that? Every computer they steal is suddenly found to hold illegal images. Every one. No matter what the charge, they take the computers and always find those images. I'm betting that in most cases, they are the same images. I'm also betting that those EDL member's computers will have them by now.

The bullying goes even further. Manchester has metal detectors in the streets. How long before nudie scanners are at every bus stop? Youngsters are being taught to drive under supervision on private tracks, where they can make early mistakes without endangering anyone, and the Righteous insist it must stop. Why? Because they say so. There's never any other reason.

Councils must all go to fortnightly bin collections. If they decide to do what their customers want rather than what the government bullies want, they will be punished with bad reports.

Give up smoking. If you don't, the drones of the Righteous will sneer at you as if they are actually thinking for themselves, and if that doesn't work, they'll limit your job choices. Most of the bullies involved here don't think of themselves as bullies. But that's exactly what they are.

So could the Gorgon be a bully? How could he not be? He is leader of the party that has done, and continues to do, this and this. Not to some ethereal and elusive 'other people'. To you. Every day.

The EDL leaders have been arrested for 'incitement to commit a breach of the peace' which roughly translates as 'they might say something we don't like and someone might be a bit upset'. Or it could translate as 'Shut up and do as you are told or we'll have machine-gun-wielding yobbos at your mum's door by dawn, and we'll nick your computer and if you have more than one you must be a terrorist anyway so it's fine to fit you up with Gary Glitter's collection'.

This will continue until they are gone. Not just reduced in number. Eradicated. We need to show not only the Gorgon, but also the Cameroids, that being one of the two main parties does not make them indestructible. If Labour are obliterated at the next election it is a message not only to Labour but to the Tories too. They are not too big to be wiped off the map. Watch it, Davey boy. You're not immune to ridicule.

Unfortunately that won't happen. There are too many mindless drones who can barely spell 'X' and who will put it in the wrong place again this time round. Labour aren't going to get the obliteration they deserve and the Cameroids will learn nothing.

Labour: A future fucked for all.

Conservative: Change? Not in your pockets, once we get hold of you.

The bullying will continue. I wonder if the worms remember how to turn?

UPDATE: Labour don't like to have their failings pointed out. I suppose that's why there's no specific name on this Telegraph article.


Amusing Bunni said...

I hate bullies. I have found all lefties are bullies by nature. I hope to be free of them for the foreseeable future ;-)

English Pensioner said...

Perhaps we should have another Quango, with its Head paid about £200K and say 60 staff to look into the matter. Isn't this the usual procedure to delay things?

Dave H said...

"...someone with a Nokia lodged in their eye-socket..."

Makes me think of an interesting revision to the Bayeux Tapestry. The text accompanying the visual depiction might run:


(well, ok, I thought it was funny. At first)

JuliaM said...

"I think he's going to blow soon. He's come close on live TV before but the day is coming when he's going to erupt into a full-on rage in front of the cameras."

I'm not a praying woman, but I just might put my hands together for that...

Leg-iron said...

Fivebellies 'Fisticuffs' Prescott is trying to defend him, and the Mandelsnake is still spinning the Labour line of 'nothing has happened for the last 13 years'.

The gang is rallying round. The trouble is, it's bringing back old stories of bullying by the rest of them.

Could be Labour's most spectacular own goal yet.

Anonymous said...

S’funny this. I’ve always maintained as a little private theory (maybe others have had it too - I'm not sure) that in any organisation of any kind, large or small – including a whole country – the basic “tone” is always, without fail, set by the one, single person who is nominally “in charge.” In any company, if the MD or the Chief Exec is a slow, ponderous, thoughtful person, that’ll tend to be the “tone” of the whole company; if he’s jovial and benevolent, that’ll be the atmosphere in his organisation. It makes sense, I guess, because people tend to appoint others who are similar to themselves who, in turn appoint others who are similar to them, and so on, so although the larger the organisation gets the more exceptions to the rule may slip in through the net further down the ladder, they rarely “fit in” or feel comfortable in that environment, surrounded as they are with a majority of very different types of people, and their “different” opinions or approaches rarely carry much weight or have much of an effect. The theory applies just as much to a country as it does to a company, or a charity, or a school, or a club, or a pub. Look at the reign of Queen Victoria, for example, when the monarch, unlike now, really was the “big cheese” who ran things - after the death of Prince Albert she pretty much threw the whole flaming country into a prolonged, drab period of austere, po-faced mourning for the rest of her reign.

And now what do we have at the top of our tree? An overbearing, puffed-up bully who isn’t averse to throwing his not inconsiderable weight (both physically and metaphorically) around at junior members of staff who don’t have the clout to stand up to him; a money-obsessed Scrooge with about as much compassion as a pack of hungry hyenas (I’m afraid those staged crocodile tears just didn’t do it for me, Gordy); and a puritanical zealot who will not, out of sheer stubbornness, ever admit that he was, or ever is, wrong, in any circumstances, ever – even now, when he is very possibly staring one of the most humiliating election defeats in the history of the UK straight in the face. Now take a look at the rest of the Cabinet, the rest of the Government, the opposition, local Councils, the police, the NHS, ASH and the other anti-smokers, Alcohol Concern, the global warmists. Look familiar? Yep.

Theory proven, I think!

Anonymous said...

I noticed that the attack dogs have turned on Ms Pratt for having the temerity to call Gordon a bully and Mandlesnake a liar - See here

They just can't help it can they? You did know that Dacre, the editor of the Mail, is Gordon's biggest, bestest friend. So that's why you read iot there first.

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