Tuesday, 23 February 2010

An eyebrow a day keeps the bullies away.

Would you buy a used government from this man?

(Picture brought under severe duress from here)

Many have leapt to the defence of poor old Brown Gorgon. Corporate thug and unshaven, shabby Lord Alan 'Sacker' Sugar has chimed in. Ex-cabinet heavyweight brawler John 'Smackdown' Prescott is determined to find those who accuse the Prime Monster of bullying and beat some sense into them. Ed 'Bouncer' Balls, minister for bullying families and schools, has bulged his eyes in a threatening manner at interviewers and even the suave yet deadly Pete 'Stiletto' Mandelsnake has been on the case.

Some woman from the Bullying Helpline stated that her organisation had indeed received calls from Room 101 Downing Street. They might not all have been victims. One might have been from the Gorgon himself -

Gorgon: Hello, is that the bullying helpline?

BH: Yes, how may we help you?

Gorgon: Well, I can't seem to get this bullying thing right. I mean I've set myself a high target, I know, because I want to bully the whole country at once. Any idea where to start?

BH: Hmm. This isn't the sort of call we are qualified to deal with. Tell you what. I'll transfer you to ASH. If you want bullying expertise, they have a very impressive reputation. They'll get you started and they'll help you take it from there.

Gorgon: Thank you very much. Now, if you would be so good as to send me your dinner money and tell nobody about this, I won't set Phil 'Nutcracker' Woolas on you. For now.

Ah, but the woman from the helpline has now broken her silence. Much is made of this breach of confidentiality, that those who bore the wrath of the caged furies otherwise known as 'advisors' might be identified as a result.

Possibly. I suspect the bullies already know who they are bullying, and would have already been furiously working out who grassed them up for the published book, never mind the confidential helpline. At the moment they are all busy bullying the Bullying Helpline. Even miniature mobster Woolas has been let off the leash. Later, they will no doubt discover just who grassed them up by the simple method of beating all the staff until they confess. For now, they are otherwise occupied.

One of those calls might have been made by one or both of Al 'the Hat' Darling's eyebrows.

It seems that when it comes to Government ministers and their tales of how the Gorgon is actually a nice man who meant those thrown Nokias to be caught and accepted as gifts, the concensus is not quite complete.

Oh well. The Mandelsnake will be along in a moment to explain why the Chancellor is a closet Tory seeking to politicise something-or-other with the aim of replacing Labour with something that is almost, but not quite, slightly different.

Then he'll steal the reporter's dinner money and give him a Chinese burn, to prove there's no bullying going on.

If I were you, Chancellor, I'd be looking for a really good place to hide.

Additional: Is it just me, or does anyone else hear the theme tune to 'Reservoir Dogs' whenever they look at that picture?


paulo said...

Tampax Woolas.

The naughty boy told off by Headmistress Lumley. What a complete and utter waste of public money this bastard is.

For complete and utter uselessness (except lining his own pocket) this slimeball is up there in the first division. He deserves to swing with them too!

And to add insult to injury he is my MP - talk about rubbing it in.


Leg-iron said...

Your MP is the little demonic guy from 'Lost Highway'?

Well, hopefully not for much longer!

Anonymous said...

This is eyebrows's chance to sock it to the Gorgon. And he appears to be taking it.

Amusing post, L-I.

Snakey said...

Thought you might be interested in this report from France:


Leg-iron said...

Fausty - let's hope he has a brick in his hand, and not a wet kipper.

Leg-iron said...

Snakey - oh, that's a good one. Smoking is like child rape now.

It was bound to happen.

paulo said...

Unfortunately LI we have a high ethnic count here and they tend to vote how they are told.

The colonials are keeping this constituency Labour so it's quite likely he'll sneek in again, and then watch him move up the greasy pole. If Labour creep in he'll be on the top table and if not he'll be a top five opposition spokesman - sorry "person."


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