Friday, 19 February 2010

HOW skint?

January is the month when the tax receipts come in from all the businesses who have enough sense not to pay bills before they are due. Therefore it's the one month of the year when the government has never needed to borrow any money. Never.

Until now.

Even with all that tax money arriving at once, The Gorgon's Magnificent Spending Machine needed to borrow an extra four point three billion quid just to keep ticking over in January.

Imagine you get your pay once a year instead of once a week, or month. As the year wears on, you need to borrow money because nothing's coming in. Then the annual payday arrives, you pay back most, if not all, of the money you borrowed and you're solvent for that month at least.

Not this government. They have spent all this year's tax take already because they took it all last year as 'tax on account'. Now all they have is the tax on next year's projected bills and those are all pretty dire. There's no money coming in. They've taken it and spent it all already.

It's so bad that Cameron is getting scared. He'll have to make massive cuts just to cover the interest on those loans and is, by now, on a ten-a-day underwear changing regime. He's going to get the blame and the Tories can vote him out with ease. He wants to change their rules to make it harder to kick him out.

In his place, I'd have picked a sucker and handed over control already. Like Blair did. Or simply resigned and run for the hills, as many others are already doing.

We have not yet seen the depths of the mess Labour have landed this country in. Even Eyebrows McDarling has been keeping well out of sight. He's no good at lying. The Gorgon imagines it's all fine and dandy and thinks he's going to win the election by promising to fix the mess he's created. He'll say he's going to fix it by spending more money we don't have and the total cretins who vote for this party will cheer. Even when France extends its territory to Newcastle by buying up the country on the cheap, they'll still be cheering.

There are many who will vote for him. There are a lot of drooling imbeciles who still think it's all Thatcher's fault. She left power a long time ago but they'll pretend she's responsible for every Labour cock-up for the next century. They actually believe that the Gorgon inherited a massive deficit and fixed it! They genuinely believe this! The reality is that he inherited a fortune and spent it but you cannot penetrate a wall of stupidity that dense. Not even with a uranium tipped shell. Although it has to be worth a try.

The thin and barely detectable silver lining is that it might cause the Gorgon to try for an earlier election date, before the kilograms of sample I tested today make contact with the windmill across the road. Go for it, Gorgon. I will make time to vote whenever you choose.

Why am I working so late? What's the point? They've already spent the tax on what I'm earning now and they're spending the tax on what I might earn next. I might as well shut up shop, claim benefits and demand repayment of that tax on account because with no business, no tax.

I'm going to delay every bill until after April 5th, even if it means beans on toast every day for the last month. Then I can see what the Tories plan to do before I decide.

If Labour win, hand me the Burberry hat and the six pack of Stella. Nobody else will have any income at all.


JuliaM said...

"We have not yet seen the depths of the mess Labour have landed this country in."

And yet, so many people remain blissfully unaware of this...

It simply isn't in the papers that they read. There's no room, what with tales of Lady Gaga and the latest hijinks of Katie Price.

And even if it was, wouldn't they just flip past it anyway?

Pingu in Portugal said...

I have a minor quibble with one part of this, "They actually believe that the Gorgon inherited a massive deficit and fixed it!"

He did inherit the problem... even if it was from himself under Blair's rule.

Anonymous said...

Ronnie Reagan (bless the old cowboy) had it right when he said:

"Government is like a baby: An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other."

Could somebody give these bastards a dose of Imodium?

w.v. focks - yes, they are.

Anonymous said...

McDoom takes lying to new heights - viz:

Mr Brown claimed the 'well-financed right wing' were trying to frighten the public into accepting their 'bleak, austere picture' of Britain's future.

He has the unique ability to remotely alter people's blood pressure. The man's a wizard.

Cromwell Day aims to make a dent in Treasury coffers. Even Archbishop Cranmer is for it.

Major Fuckup said...

Even today the gorgon is on telly talking about global sorlooshons to global problems. More warming climate bollox and digital revorlooshons or something. The guy needs to be locked up. Is anyone listening to him ( apart from al ja beeba).
If you have any money then get it in cash in different currencies. And set aside a spare room for boxes of food.
It's gotten so bad in the US that they're even faking plane crashes to keep people worried.
Good info here on the real situation in the panic room..

Captain Ranty said...

So far, 135 troughers, oops, I mean MPs, are running for the hills.

I hope they all sit in the Jobcentre for a while to think about what they did.

Thanks for the link.


Leg-iron said...

Captain Ranty - those fleeing politicians couldn't by any chance be connected with that post of yours?

Captain Ranty said...

No sir.

But then again, you never know....

Hey, have you checked your house for red dots?

I'm seeing bogeymen everywhere these days.


shit is brown said...

Borrowed this comment from another site. Thought it was appropriate.

What you can do with £100 ?

It's a slow day in a little east Norfolk town. The sun is beating down,and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. On this particular day a rich tourist is driving through town.

He stops at the hotel and lays £100 on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

As soon as the man walks upstairs, the owner grabs the £100 and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the £100 and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the £100 and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

The guy at the Farmer's Co-op takes the £100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.

The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.

The hotel proprietor then places the £100 back on the counter so the rich traveller will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the £100, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.

No one produced anything. No one earned anything.

However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the British Government is conducting business today...

moonmadmerv said...

No No No that is not how it works,the fiat currency that we pass around is nothing more than a prommisary note,it has no value and the only people who gain by its use are the banksters.I PROMISE TO PAY THE BEARER ON DEMAND £20 of what? . all this is a form of enslavement,they give you something and then take it away thru tax,fines,penalty notices ;to make you believe its worth something .If the government controls the Treasury how come they have to pay interest on loans?

WobblyJim said...

Seems we are being offered a choice of two cheeks of the same arse, Toonies or Loonies - Oh Joy

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