Tuesday, 7 September 2010

A proper British loony.

Eccentrics, these days, are regarded with suspicion because they don't do the same things everyone else does. Conformity is the name of the game now. If you don't go to work nine-to-five, mow your lawn on Saturday and wash the car on Sunday then you risk being reported to the police. And investigated for the new crime of 'being a bit odd'.

A policeman (off duty) actually explained to me that if I had a folding corkscrew in my pocket, it could be regarded as an offensive weapon because I would have no just cause for having such an item about my person. Well, I drink a lot. A corkscrew is an essential requirement of my hobby.

I remember when we didn't need to provide a reason why we had something in our pockets unless we were actually committing a crime using that object. Now, having a beetle in a matchbox or a bit of string (and come on, who doesn't have one or two of those on them?) is grounds for arrest. Conform or be re-educated. Free the Matchbox One. The future isn't orange. It's grey.

That's why I laughed like Tony Blair's accountant when I saw this.

Yes, he's crackers. Yes, it must be difficult being next door to the man who is single-handedly trying to recreate the Amazon but the picture just made me hoot. It just needs one refinement.

Get one of those lifting platforms and cut that foliage into a cube. Vertical sides and flat on top. A huge green cube outside the house would be hilarious.

We need more eccentric madmen, not less.

As for me, I have a huge bag of crocus bulbs. I will be planting these in the lawn, in a circle with a five-pointed star inside. The circle part is easy, the star will be a little more difficult but not much.

Someone is going to be horrified next spring.

Well, I don't have room for all those trees.


JuliaM said...

"Get one of those lifting platforms and cut that foliage into a cube. Vertical sides and flat on top. A huge green cube outside the house would be hilarious."

That'd probably earn him a Tree ASBO for sure!

PJH said...

One [neighbour] said: 'The trees are an eyesore - they block out sunlight and make the street look bad.'

Another said: 'They have gone higher than the roofs of our houses now. They look horrendous.'

Then the trees clearly breaking the law!!!!one1!! Arrest them immediately!

'It's so bad, it's worse than the Berlin Wall,' [the next-door neighbour] said

Nothing like a little hyperbole to spice up an article in The Fail ;)

Anonymous said...

Having lived next door to a leylandii hedge for 20 years, that grew so high the neighbours couldn't afford to have it cut, watching the shadow slowly expanding and watching my garden slowly die, I have every sympathy.
In the end you can't bear to look at it.

New neighbours, a gang with a chainsaw and the garden blossomed back to life again.

However, I do like the idea of the crocuses, please take a picture.
Though I find that my neighbours are not a bit intimidated by my topiary dragon.


PT Barnum said...

Leylandii trees are an obnoxious eyesore that ruin other people's gardens. That street is unbelievably dour and shoddy. They probably deserve each other.

And he's missed a trick. If he'd grown ivy up the front of his house, he would have achieved complete privacy and landed his neighbours with the challenge of preventing it from rampaging across the entire street. Actually, no, not ivy. Brambles!

Fascist Hippy said...

PJH mentions trees breaking the law, have you seen the one about trees that have been given an ASBO?


I kid you not!

FH said...

Link didn't come out sorry


Amusing Bunni said...

This guy is eccentric, all right!
I like the idea of a boxed tree also!

Be sure to take a pic of your crocus masterpiece in the spring, Leg Iron, that will be funny

opinions powered by SendLove.to