Friday, 24 December 2010

Chingle all ze vay.

Apparently old Adolf was fond of a bit of Christmas cheer and had huge parties every year. Imagine the invitations:

You vill attend mein party und you vill enjoy it. If you do not, you vill enjoy ze Eastern front in ze New Year.

You vill respond.


If proof were still needed that here was a man madder than a bag of badgers, this is how he reconciled his hatred of religion with his desire to still have an annual knees-up.

Hitler believed religion had no place in his 1,000-year Reich, so he replaced the Christian figure of Saint Nicholas with the Norse god Odin and urged Germans to celebrate the season as a holiday of the ‘winter solstice’, rather than Christmas.

So in order to remove all trace of religion from Christmas, he extracted the one religion it actually belongs to and replaced it with two religions - one of which predated Christianity, the other of which was not related to Christmas at all. Righteous backfiring, unintended consequence and general stupidity is not a new phenomenon.

This diminutive dictator believed the future belonged to the Aryan race: tall, athletic and blonde. He was short, dark-haired and weedy. How much of a cretin do you have to be in order to work like a demon for a future which specifically excludes you or your family? He denied any Christian connection with Christmas while gassing Jehovah's Witnesses who also deny any Christian connection with Christmas. Agreeing with him was no guarantee of safety.

Banning Christmas. Banning smoking. The invention of second hand smoke. A draconian Green agenda. A hatred of Christianity while accepting any other religion, especially (in his case) the one that included runes and getting up early to watch the sun rise while sacrificing a virgin and being generally unpleasant to all and sundry.

That was Hitler's thousand year reich. I thought we had defeated it.

Still, he hasn't won. Even back then he had to cope with dissent among the drones.

But while many Germans baked biscuits and cakes in the shape of swastikas and adorned their trees with the symbols of the Nazi regime, most still called the festival Christmas.

You can insist on Winterval or Winter Lights or any of the rest of it. Most still call it Christmas even now and that is not going to change. Hitler's followers are still here, of course they are. They were there before Hitler was born. The snide and the spiteful have always existed and always believed themselves Righteous. They now follow doctrines we attribute to Hitler while insisting Churchill was really a prototype for Bernard Manning, but the underlying philosophy has never changed.

Hitler was nuts. All those who worship him will be offended but then I am an equal opportunities offensive little git. This man was a strawman. He wasn't what he's painted. Just a weedy idiot with a big ego and a little moustache and a few stupid ideas.

Left to himself, he would have ended up as one of those rag-clad gibbering drunks shouting 'I vos once ein Contender. I could have been zomebody'. The Righteous found him and thought 'Great. He's completely crazy and gullible enough to control'. That's the thing about big egos. They really are easy to control. Something I have used to great effect in more than one admin department. Push the right buttons and your paperwork gets to the top of the pile every time.

The Hand of the Righteous is clear in little Adolf's insistence on the Aryan race, for one thing. He employed Limpy Goebbels and Fat Boy Goering and yet his ideal was exactly the opposite. He wanted perfect health for ze entire Vorld, a shout that still echoes down the ages and is still shouted by hideously deformed gnomes and blimps with legs. He envisaged a world in which he, and most of his staff, should be the first into the euthanasia cabinets even though he sent fitter and healthier people into those chambers while employing those with body shapes he despised.

He demanded a Green future and ecological Utopia while building the biggest engines and guns the world had ever seen. His regime invented rocket-powered planes and bombs for the good of the planet. He built guns that could only be used if mounted on rails. To him, as to those who still follow the Righteous path, lifestyle restrictions apply to others. Do as I say, not as I do, is the oldest instruction in the world.

One of the best unintended consequences was when he decided Einstein was gas-chamber fodder, which meant Einstein (being pretty clever and seeing this coming) buggered off quick and gave his ideas to someone else. If Adolf hadn't been such an utter twat, he could have had that nuclear bomb first. It's pretty much standard for Righteous plans though. They always manage to balls it up.

What the Righteous have never learned is that the lunatics they take on as front-men for their agenda are impossible to control. Hitler soon believed in his own imagined invulnerability and the latest Righteous pets are starting to believe the same thing. History repeats itself to the degree that future history students will be given a 20-page book and told to read it fifty times. It's just the same thing over and over.

Hitler had no redeeming features. There was nothing to like about him at all. He was a deranged dwarf with an ego that could account for most of the dark matter mass of the universe. A self-important, arrogant, opinionated little git with almost as much humanity as gravel.

He wasn't running the show. That does not excuse him, he fronted it and agreed with it but he wasn't running it. Just as our current leaders aren't running the show either. Hitler didn't win but those who kept him as a pet are still here and still striving for a world of spite and malice.

They always have been and always will be. These people want to control everything by central diktat and form a world of clones who will behave as directed.

Fortunately, they are not very bright. They always, always, balls up everything they try to do.

So don't get too worried. Sometimes they gain ascendancy but they fall apart every time.

It's all falling apart now. Get some popcorn in. And ridicule them, it hurts them more than anything else. All of them.

Anyone going carol-singing? Have a few starters -


Good king Monbiot looked out
At the Global Warming
As the snow lay all about
He declared a warning

"This is all anomalous
Frost is an illusion
Fire is just no good for us
Wait till we have fu-u-sion".


Away with the windmills
No wind for to turn
Heat prices increasing
Old grandad we burn.


Deck the halls with blood and bodies,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Time to show Islamic folly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Don we now exploding undies,
Fa la la, la la la, la la la.
Book a flight with Aero Fundies,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.


Light up merrily on high,
In heav'n the ashtray's filling:
Light up, blow smoke to the sky
And watch the antis falling.
De--hehehehe, De--hehehehe, De-hehehehe De--borah,
Arnott is apoplectic!


God rest miserable BMJ
Let nothing you cheer up
The smokers, we are all still here
You really have screwed up
You tried to exercise your power
We just bought more ashtrays
O we all met Man with a Van,
Man with a Van,
O we all met Man with a Van


Hark the drunken bastards sing
"Huey" to the porcelain ring!
Pee in bushes, almost blind
Topple over, they don't mind.
Harmless, goggle-eyed, they smile
While Shenker develops piles
Then to government proclaims:
"Deal with them, they have no shame"
Hark the drunken bastards sing
"Huey" to the porcelain ring!


O Come All Ye Porn Stars

... I'll get me coat...


Anonymous said...

i see why you are a microbiologist,you would never make an historian

Anonymous said...

On Radio 4 this morning. If you eat chocolate you will in the future be refused treatment by the NHS dentists.
Inevitable. Let's hope the hand waving, spluttering, third hand smoke alarmists gorge on the stuff.
Merry Xmas all.

P.S. These are the same bastards that drilled and filled me for years in my youth due to the then current funding.

JuliaM said...

" he replaced the Christian figure of Saint Nicholas with the Norse god Odin..."

I'm guessing the parties got shorter and more intense. But far, far more FUN!

Anonymous said...

L.I. Just polished off an excellent book called Bending Spines, about the use of prpaganda by the Nazis and German Democratic Republic. Neo Labour parallels all the way.

Might be soemthing you'd enjoy...

Then might not :)

William said...

Anonymous II
There are such things as NHS dentists?

Well you live and learn.

Dick Puddlecote said...

Love the re-jigged carols, LI :)

Have a great Christmas.

Anonymous said...

Lovely Christmas carols.

Put me right in the spirit.

Happy Christmas to you too and to all a smoky-drinky goodnight.

Furor Teutonicus said...

XXX Hitler believed religion had no place in his 1,000-year Reich, so he replaced the Christian figure of Saint Nicholas with the Norse god Odin. XXX

We need a word with each other, boy.

My WHOLE "Mother side" of the family were Shamans from as long as the records go back. Which in Scandinavia, is a LOT longer than yours.

I was brought up with Odinn (Wotan), Thorr (Donnar) and all the others.

Do NOT link that with Gröfaz, (The greatest field marshal of all time).

Point one, it was HIMMLER that brought about the link. Point two, .... Na, lets just say, that when my family got shite from the jesus benders, it was, and IS, always the local Synogogue that offers help.

But then I can understand your view. To the Australians the Abos are scum as well, hey?

Furor Teutonicus said...


Chuckles said...

This post and comments has to be bending the needle and off the Godwins Law scale.

'I thought we had defeated it.'

They were National 'Socialists' remember? All that happened was the 'National' got removed. Intent and focus stayed exactly the same.

David Davis said...

Good stuff!

What you call "the Righteous" are the heis of Hitler, who is the heir of Lenin and Stalin, and the begetter of Mao, Pol Pot, Idi Amin, Hugo Chavez and others.

These people are wrong, they will simply have to go: and there may, I am sorry to say, be no useful place for them on a planet such as the one they have tried their best to ruin.

We simply are not sufficiently serious about our enemies, who are cheefully frank that this is what they are. If they love death, as is evident from their pronouncements which discuss the deaths of humans so often as per the anti-smoking grumbles and mumbles, then perhaps they should have it as they seem to like it. We ought to be willing, as altruistic liberals, to help them to achieve it.

sixtypoundsaweekcleaner said...

Hmm. As someone just reminded me, Satan wasn't known as the 'Prince of the Power of the Air' for nothing.

Merry Christmas to you and yours, Leggie. May 2011 bring you all that you need.

Anonymous said...

Happy Christmas everyone


dave chandler said...

Christmas time was a festival long before the christians stole it.The ONLY christian festival is easter,all the rest predate christianity by thousands of years.

sixtypoundsaweekcleaner said...


ALL the christian festivals are pagan in origin, the early catholic church chose the dates/times.

To get at the truth, have a look at the Jewish Feasts.

What I mean is, Christ wasn't crucified at Easter, but Passover. He wasn't born at Christmas, but the Feast of Tabernacles.

Anonymous said...

"Io Saturnalia"!

Billy The Fish said...

Merry Christmas to thee and thine, Leggy old son!

I raise my bowl of loudmouth soup in your general direction!

Fish x

Dioclese said...

Nice selection of lyrics - nearly as good as mine!

I have scheduled a couple of musical entertainments of my own for the next two days in case you are sad enough to be online. I expect most people to be either too pissed or fast asleep after all that bloody turkey.

A happy Christmas to you all!

Anonymous said...

Hitler's Christmas rant:=})

(25 December 12:05 here)

Leg-iron said...

Furor - I don't think anything in there insults Nordic beliefs. Hitler did, but I didn't.

Leg-iron said...

Chuckles - Godwin's law? How far do you expect a post on Hitler to get before mentioning... Hitler?

Or is it an absolute now that any mention of Hitler in any context at all is a Godwin's Law proof?

Is it the new racism, by any chance? or the new 'climate heretic'?

None of those have ever really worked, you know.

They have all just made things worse.

Anonymous said...

If hitler was so stupid why did it take the rest of the world so long to defeat him?

Furor Teutonicus said...

XX Leg-iron said...

Furor - I don't think anything in there insults Nordic beliefs. Hitler did, but I didn't. XX

Aye. O.K. After re-read I see your point. Apologies for the missunderstanding brought on by 20 bottles of beer. :-))

Merry Jule! and Merry Christmas. (NOT synomomnous! ;-) )

Furor Teutonicus said...

Any one care to tell me what the HEL happened to this last year? Seems like only yesterday it was just entering April, then PAFF!!! It is Christmas all of a sudden.

Any way, off to the pub for MORE than a few pints, and PLENTY of cigars. We can smoke in the pubs heer.....:-)))))

Furor Teutonicus said...

XX Anonymous said...

If hitler was so stupid why did it take the rest of the world so long to defeat him? XX

Because his arse was saved by a bloody good Generalstabskorps.

THEY were let down by the poisonous, queer, Austrian dwarf.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, but I'm finding some of these hitler parody rants chap's re-subtitled excerpts amusing:-

Hitler is informed about his Jewish and African ancestry:

Very American, but... load more!
[longer is possibly better:-]

I haven't seen the film yet myself;-

But re-subtitling is an interesting concept.

Already there are web products, &stc.

Ross Matheson

Anonymous said...

He wasn't a dwarf, not even short, especially for his time. At 5'9'' he was average. Taller than Churchill, Stalin (and dwarf Lenin), Musso and the Jap.
Maybe you think he was a house painter to?

Still a loathsome bastard mind,a classic warning of what idealogues are capable of if allowed their fingers on power (see Straw, Jack for a recent UK illustration).

In truth it's the Fabians, Mao and Lenin and their crowd who are the real spiritual fathers of Nu-lavvy and the other "perfect the species by state terror" fellow travellers, not mad Ad.

banned said...

Wasn't Hitler a non-smoking teetotaler too?

Furor Teutonicus said...

Non smoker, but he drank beer.

Chris said...

This diminutive dictator believed the future belonged to the Aryan race: tall, athletic and blonde. He was short, dark-haired and weedy.

1) You don't make a fetish of what you already have. And
2) Those insecure of their membership make the worst fanatics.

Will said...

late to this due to rss prob but...

just incase anyone stumbles on this its worth mentioning a book i got for the contentious winter binge. Liberal fascism. written from the american viewpoint where Liberal means Left. explains how fascism is and always was a phenomena of the left. they are so tightly linked and share so many ideas that the left cannot help but fall into the same mistakes again and again. see health and environment idealism. all pretty familiar to students of fascism.

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