Friday, 3 December 2010

A tourist in Scotland.



Currently, Scotland is closed to anyone who is addicted to sunshine or who likes their temperatures without a minus sign in front of them. Nevertheless, there is still much merriment to be had watching my idiot neighbour who has never heard of winter tyres or first gear or revs below 4000 trying to get his car out of the street every morning. His name is Brown. I'm not saying there's a connection but...

In summer, and yes, we do know when it's summer, because the rain is warm and green stuff grows out of the ground, it's a nice place. So I present the public information film by the Scottish Tourist Board, full of facts and interesting details but omitting Inverness and its airport in the interests of public sanity. It also omits Aberdeen airport, placed at Dyce because that was the biggest hole in the ground anyone could find. Just as with golf, Scotland likes to make everything a challenge. Even getting out of the sky alive is a bit hit or miss here. In fact, Aberdeen isn't mentioned at all because the film is in colour, and Aberdeen isn't.

Tonight I browsed YouTube for something to take my mind off the three-foot icicles growing outside my windows and came across Danny Bhoy. A comedian I had never before heard. Well worth looking up.

I recommend starting here.

Tomorrow, back to the gloom of Coagulation reality. I just need one night off.

8 comments:

Radio Free Britain said...

In fact, Aberdeen isn't mentioned at all because the film is in colour, and Aberdeen isn't.

Now that made me laugh, by far the best quote of day that i have read

banned said...

Danny Bhoy is a seriously funny guy, ta for the find.

Me and me mates used to go to Scotland each year for about 10years; always the week before Easter so it wasn't too crowded, it changed times from year to year and there was always plenty of snow around to enhance the three days we planned to spend on the hills (plus three being tourists and a day on the lash in Fort William).

Wonderful times with many happy memories.
Ta Scotchpersons.

Neal Asher said...

Danny Bhoy was on 'Live at the Apollo' last night. Yes, very good.

Kynon said...

In fact, Aberdeen isn't mentioned at all because the film is in colour, and Aberdeen isn't.

Good work that man!

My street is currently a snow-and-ice-bound deathtrap, and there are plenty of disciples of the CLarkson school of motoring there too ("My car won't move, the wheels are spinning on the ice...MORE POWER!")

I have given up caring & just openly scorn their stupidity.

WV: mastric - they most know you were mentioning Aberdeen!

microdave said...

Neal Asher beat me to it!

soapy souter said...

Poor Dundee slagged off again in the vid :(

' The fastest growing outdoor sport in Scotland'... smoking.

According to scientists in New Zealand the hole in the ozone layer is reducing. This coincides with the ban on smoking indoors. I suspect the two facts are related.

DAD said...

When I lived in Oban, we had a saying,

"If one could see the Isle of Lismore then it was going to rain. If you could not see Lismore it was raining"

Lismore is about 1km away.

Anonymous said...

"The fastest growing outdoor sport in Scotland...smoking"

What a catchphrase, worthy of being used whenever engaging with antis...

Jay

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