Wednesday, 29 December 2010

The Crossbow Cretin.

This pair of dopes decided to hold up a shop and push all the right buttons for the Ban Brigade. They stole cigarettes and cash while brandishing a knife and a crossbow. Just wait for the 'Disarm the deadly smoker!' cries. I've already seen 'All criminals smoke' in the comments and won't be at all surprised to see 'All smokers are criminals' soon.

The 'Ban crossbows' calls will be along very shortly, and our government is just stupid enough to do it. Then the criminals will have all the weapons and we will have access to, at best, a pointed stick.

Look at that 'deadly crossbow'. It's not cocked and it has no bolt. There is a broom handle tied to the top of it! Even if he could actually fire that thing (the stick is lying on the stock, so the string, even if cocked, would run under it) it has no aerodynamic ability. It would be unlikely to go anywhere near his target.

Not only are these two so amazingly stupid that their faces are on full display for the ubiquitous CCTV, they have chosen a weapon that's impossible to hide anywhere among your clothing and their weapon is useless. They did not come by that crossbow legally because if they had, it would have included a couple of bolts. So a stolen weapon will once more be used to ban legally-held ones.

Police said the men are considered dangerous and should not be approached by members of the public.

No, don't approach them. Just point and laugh.

If the police receive a call saying someone is waving a crossbow around in public, what will they do? Send an armed response unit of course. These two will be facing real guns and they have nothing. An empty crossbow, a knife and a bit of a stick.

I hope they get shot and killed. There's not a single gene in either of them worth passing on.

If you own a crossbow, stash it somewhere safe. There will be a ban along shortly.


William said...

The timing of this 'incident' has a strong whiff of 'set up' about it.
Most CCTV in shops/Post Offices is switched off (confirmed by my local Post Mistress. It's a 'deterrent' she said!) and the pictures from those that are switched on are grainy and often unusable as it is rarely if ever used as 'evidence' in court.

And yet this picture is so clear you can see lots of detail.
In fact the longer you look at the picture the more the 'crossbow' looks like it was photoshopped in!

Sorry but these days I take the view that if it appears in the MSM all is not what it appears to be. The MSM is simply the propaganda arm of the state.

Sadly you have called the underlying story correctly. Smokes are so bad because people will arm themselves with 'legal weapons' to get them so we must make sure it is illegal to own any weapon even a catapult.

I take heart though as with every passing day and every passing story like this more and more folk are saying 'hang on something is terribly wrong with what we are being told'.

From the fails comments...

Just a thought. If we were still allowed hand guns, the shopkeeper could have defended himself against these two, better still if we still had the Death Penalty I doubt if these two thugs would have attempted the robbery in the first place, however our 'Woolly Headed Left Wing Liberal Elite' that rule us know better don't they? How I despair for the future of this country! BRING BACK THE NOOSE NOW.

- Le Chat Noir, Sandwich England, 29/12/2010 17:07

Nomine said...

Excellent post LI, and yes here we go on another crusade against the filthy smokers....I despair but will tell you one thing for nothing anyone trying to take my legally bought ,paid for and 'safe x bow will be needing some sort of medical intervention in their life/lives and gawd help em if they are smokers when they arrive at casualty eh!

Anonymous said...

Sounds like sufficient justification to ban crossbows, cigarettes and cash.
Crossbows because their only purpose is to threaten and kill.
Cigarettes for much the same reasons, plus the 700 secret ingredients in every lit one.
And cash, because with fungible, anonymous means of barter every other crime is facilitated.

Seriously, the idiots may have thought that a bolt - anything that looked like one was needed to threaten the shop keeper. From memory, a bank robber used a MAC-10 in London in the 80s, but eventually had to trade down since none of the cashiers he threatened realised that the boxy gun in their face was extremely dangerous, rather than a home-made toy.

Leg-iron said...

Actually, it's a pity it wasn't loaded and a pity he didn't fire it (although he's unlikely to realise that cocking it automatically engages the safety)

If he had fired it, the stick would have stayed where it was and the prod (the 'bow' part, which is made of steel) would have sprung forward and smashed his friend's shoulder blade. The Crossbow Cretin would then have been helpless, his friend would be screaming in agony and the shopkeeper would have been unable to call the police for laughing.

Ah, if only...

David Davis said...

I'm sure there's a case for developing the machine-longbow as a self-defence weapon.

It will be an entirely "open-carry" weapon as it will require its own trailer and large electric-or-diesel-generator-psu.

Shafts fired at sufficiently high velocity, of bodkin-tipped stock, may be able even to pierce body-armour (but I did not suggest that.)Carbon-fibre-shafts with tungsten bodkins would also be best, for that maximises the the tip-versus-shaft weight ratio, like a KE-penetrator.

Any shopkeeper that purchases one will be able to recoup his return-on-capital-employed, from insurances paid by neighbouring shops.

It will not only require only a crew of one, but will be able to be radar-directed and operated from an i-Phone, with suitable app.

You may even be able to defend your home in the UK, via the internet, from your holiday hotel in Benidorm or somewhere.

Robert the Biker said...

Prefer my longbow personally, with (yes) bodkin points which do in fact go through soft armour (the so called bullet proof vest)and would seriously inconvenience cretins of this type; it's hard to run if someones turned you into a kebab.

Longrider said...

I prefer the longbow. While less powerful than the crossbow, a decent bowman can have three or four arrows in the air while a crossbowman is still loading - and, yes, I own a longbow (well, a recurve, actually).

Rick S said...

"we will have access to, at best, a pointed stick."

Shut up!

Mr A said...

Of course, the question of why they were after the fags is not mentioned. It couldn't be that, because of decades of artificially high taxation they have created a product which is of an artifically high value, could it? Each pack is probably only worth a quid or so - the rest is lovely punitive tax. By making them so expensive they have deliberately created a product which is now worth committing armed robbery to obtain.

If fags were the cost of production, plus shopkeeper profits plus say, 20% tax they would not only not worth be nicking, they wouldn't be worth smuggling either (see the reports last year on how a lot of tobacco smuggling cash in Ireland goes to terrorists). There would also be no market as man in a van would be selling them at pretty much the same price.

So the real criminals here, yet again, are ASH. Without them there would be no tobacco smuggling, no black market and no need to actually steal the things from shops with weapons. When I worked in a petrol station they always went for stamps, fags and lottery tickets. All because they were expensive, portable and easy to sell in pubs. They never went for cans of Coke or Mars bars, even though they are just as portable. If fags weren't so ridiculously overpriced they would fall into the Mars bar and Twix category, too.

ASh really are the root of all evil - not only denormalising citizens, persecuting the elderly and disabled and trampling on property rights and closing businesses. Their whizzo ideas are also behind terrorism-funding smuggling, an enormous black market and incentivising robbery. Brilliant.

Bill Sticker said...

I think these two were banking on no-one actually recognising their codge-up as being as much use as a rubber spanner. Bet the knife hadn't got an edge worth spit on it either. Where'd they get these things from? The Joke shop?

richard said...

I had a crossbow but sold it yesterday. I didn't carefully store it somewhere. William, do you trust the State with the death penalty? I hope so because it's provided for in the Lisbon Treaty. NB: anyone want a deadly weapon? Go to and be prepared to practice, but boy oh boy you'll have real teeth. I'd sooner be shot with a crossbow (with a field pointed bolt) than by a competent slinger.

thefrollickingmole said...


"Then the criminals will have all the weapons and we will have access to, at best, a pointed stick.

Ha! see the law will stop those law breakers breaking the law and having weapons like these!!

/politician off/

JuliaM said...

"If he had fired it, the stick would have stayed where it was and the prod (the 'bow' part, which is made of steel) would have sprung forward and smashed his friend's shoulder blade. The Crossbow Cretin would then have been helpless, his friend would be screaming in agony and the shopkeeper would have been unable to call the police for laughing."

That would have made as funny a CCTV clip as this one... ;)

JuliaM said...

Can't figure out why they have such a large, hard-to-hide model.

I've seen little 'pistol-sized' crossbows that must surely be easier to hide under a coat...

Zaphod said...

It's time to introduce training and qualifications for criminals. With regular re-testing. It should be illegal to commit crime without first doing a risk assessment, and preferably drawing up a business plan. Criminals should have certificates of competence, and present them when requested.

How about a TV show, something like X-factor and Apprentice? I'd vote to keep these two in.

Furor Teutonicus said...

Look at that 'deadly crossbow'. It's not cocked and it has no bolt. There is a broom handle tied to the top of it!

Don't laugh. From next year, due to Commyron and his politburo, this is what the British army will be equipped with.

The broom stick is the anti tank version.

Furor Teutonicus said...

Follow ups to...

Neal Asher said...

Terry Pratchett came out with something relevant about banning weapons in one of his books. If you make a law banning weapons you're making a simple fundamental error: what defines criminals is their tendency not to obey the law.

Chuckles said...

I have a healthy respect for crossbows. I think their use in warfare is outlawed by the Geneva Convention.

But examining our protagonists efforts, it looks to me as though they were trying to make it look like a rifle? Presumably in their world, a pretend rifle is much more scary than a real crossbow. Or perhaps they think that an artists impression is as good as the real thing. Anything less would hurt their self esteem.

Anonymous said...

@Chuckles, it was the pope that banned crossbows as they were deemed to be a cruel weapon. He did allow them to be used in the crusades though for use against the muslims.

Furor Teutonicus said...

XX He did allow them to be used in the crusades though for use against the muslims.XX


Where and when can we vote for him?

Anonymous said...

That reminds me of when they developed square musket "balls", way back when. I Can't imagine they were particularly accurate but apparently they were extremely messy. I believe that these too were deemed to be too nasty to be used against enemies from Christendom.... however, they could be used against Mohammedans with impunity.

Furor Teutonicus said...

Hmm. Never heard of "square musket balls", but they did, and we still DO,(Re-enactment/"Range days") use anything that will fit, from factory made balls, to a roughly the same size stone wrapped in wool.

CERTAINLY not accurate, but then when you have a "front" of twenty thousand muskets, 18 inches apart, firing in the same general direction in one go, then "accuracy" is hardly relevant.

Bill Sticker said...

Anonymous and Furor Teutonicus,

You are perhaps referring to the 1718 'Puckle Gun' an early magazine style weapon with a circular magazine which had provision to fire square bullets against various forms of heathen, including Muslim Turks. See the 'sales flyer' on this Wikipaedia page.

David Davis said...

Crossbows were "banned" by Papal Bull in 1138. Nobody paid any attention then, or later.

Their only problem is their slowness of reloading. They are more accurate in the hands of a rookie than Longbows, and the bolts can be quite heavy if you have assisted cocking like a foot-winch.

There may be a place for a machine-crossbow, but how you would power a concealed-carry-version is beyond me.

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