The Bearded Men of Doom plan Christmas attacks on us. I don't see how they'll manage to do that. We've banned Christmas. There'll be guys in white nighties tapping people on the shoulder saying 'Excuse me, infidel, is it Christmas yet?' and getting arrested for the political incorrectness of saying 'Christmas'.
Guys in white nighties
Timer reaching the end
All I do is press 'send' (guess-the-song time)
We're supposed to be frightened. I say we laugh at them. Conciliation does not work, reason does not work, even rolling over and letting them have their way does not work. As the Russians are finding, direct confrontation is what they crave. So let's try derision. If nothing else, it'll cheer us up.
They plan to cause chaos at Christmas. Have they looked at this place over Christmas? Chaos starts in November and we don't sober up until March. Well, okay, that might just be me and a few friends. The West is obsessed with a) global warming and b) deciding whether winter tyres should be made compulsory in view of the persistently cold weather.
We have windmills where there's no wind, solar panels in a country where it's dark for half the year and cloudy for the other half, a government that spends its time calling each other names when it's not engaging in fraud, spying or illicit sex. We have students protesting about fees they aren't really ever going to pay and we have people telling us that eating is bad for us. We have people turning up at hospitals with the Winter Squits in case they become dehydrated, because they don't have taps at home. They are admitted to hospital, thus spreading the Winter Squits all over the hospitals and to every place that patients are discharged to, while claiming smokers and fat people are crippling the NHS. Banks have no money, shops have no food, the post office can't deliver because of a little bit of snow and murderers sue their employers when they get fired after conviction.
They want to bring us chaos? The old saying ' like taking coal to Newcastle' comes to mind. Although it doesn't work any more because we have to take coal to Newcastle now that there's no coal mining any more. Perhaps it should be replaced. 'Like sending criminals to Parliament' might work.
Alky Ada, listen up. You cannot bring us chaos. We ARE chaos. What are you planning, another outing for 'de Boom Trousah'? Another premature detonation, like the one in Sweden? I get spam that claims it can help with that. How about a burning car parked in an airport concourse while a Glaswegian beats your operative unconscious and then lights a cigarette from the flaming corpse? Everyone else stays in their queues and sniggers at you.
This is a country that sells Christmas mince pies in October with an expiry date in November. We refuse to sell Christmas crackers to anyone under 16 because they contain 'explosives'. We have electric cars that cost more to run than petrol ones and we're giving subsidies to the idiots who buy them. We don't have the electricity generating capacity to cope now, and yet we are getting the whole country to plug their cars into the grid too. We are not scared of you. You are nothing compared to our government. Those people make you look like panelists on a Radio 4 debate show. One of those early-morning ones that make drivers fall asleep at the wheel. Yes, we deliberately broadcast early-hours programs designed to make drivers nod off. Why? No reason. We just find it amusing.
'Chaos at Christmas'. I can barely type for laughing. How much difference do Alky Ada really think they can make? They injured two people in Stockholm while last winter, the British government's Green agenda killed nearly thirty thousand. Of their own people. For no reason other than increasing their own personal wealth. Alky Ada want to bring us death and chaos? Aaaahahahahaha. We are way ahead of you. It's our principal industry these days.
Modern British are a blend of Pict and Celt and Iberian and Saxon and Viking and more. All with one thing in common. The death cult. Christianity can't fully mask it and Islam has no chance. This little wet island at the edge of Europe produces evil bastards by the score. None of them want to take over the world. They just want to burn it. Chaos isn't something imposed on us. It's what we do. Look at our politicians, do you really imagine they'll give a shit if you blow up some of us? Plenty more where we came from. Blow up those who pay no tax and they'll send you a Christmas card with 'thanks' written on it. From all parties.
Oh, we have a current infestation of Righteous but their time is nearly over. They managed to control the British 'Kill everyone' gene for a time, but time is up. Did you know we are 4% genetically Neanderthal? in Milwall, the level is higher. The Middle East don't have these genes so cannot understand their effects. Basically, guys, it means you are food. Ug. Innit?
So, okay, Alky Ada might blow something up. Then the British will eat anyone in a white nightie or a black veil. Did you ever see those Hammer films where Peter Cushing went into the vampire tomb just as the sun went down? It'll be a bit like that. Except Peter Cushing will find about fifty million vampires this time. With sloping foreheads and no interest in discussion. Twenty percent of them will be functionally illiterate anyway and can't even spell DVD.
Did you know 'thugs' come from India? The Kali sect, who worshipped the goddess of death, were the 'Thuggis' and their favourite weapon was a weighted scarf that doubled as a garotte. There's that death cult again. We love that over here on the rainy isles. From India we imported tea and death. Staples of British life. In times before our current crop of weasels, social faux-pas as trivial as passing the port to the right could end with a whisky and a pistol. Huhne should really, by now, be skinning himself and rolling in salt for his lies. We don't have honourable men in charge any more. We have worthless filth.
When we had real politicians, the IRA targeted them. It is telling that Alky Ada aren't even threatening our politicians. They know there's no point because nobody here likes them anyway.
So what do they threaten? The voters who are ignored by the politicians? How will that help? The politicians don't care how many of us die, it just cuts their pension bill and lets them send more money to Herbie Remploy-van for his face-ironing sessions. Which don't work.
Alky Ada, you have nothing to threaten us with because nothing you plan will have any effect at all. Blow up the electorate, the politicians don't care. Blow up the politicians... please. All you will achieve is the further demonisation of the Muslim who isn't being radical, who just wants to fit in and live here and earn an honest living. There are a lot of them. Oh, you might claim that they are Westernised and live as honorary Christians but there is no such thing. Here, we don't ask your religion because we don't care (Righteous box-tickers excepted). We don't notice unless you thrust it in our faces. When you do, we bare our teeth.
Not in defence of Christianity. For the rumble.
You see, Islamists, we like to pretend we didn't start it. It's part of the fun.