Tuesday, 21 December 2010

The Junican Game.

I accept no responsibility for sprayed monitors or keyboards, or nasally-snorted beverages. Yes. It's one of those.




This is how the antismokers think of us. To them, we are all agents of the tobacco industry and we are determined to force everyone to smoke. We are the Marlborg. Resistance is futile. You will be fumigated. Smokefree is irrelevant.

Why do they think that? The truth is that we smokers are not interested in recruiting anyone because there is nothing to recruit anyone into. We are not interested in persuading anyone to smoke. Why would we? There is nothing in it for us. We gain nothing if someone else starts smoking, we lose nothing if they don't, we don't even lose anything if a current smoker decides they don't want to do it any more and stops. It is an individual choice and one in which your choices don't affect mine, and vice versa. If you plan to shout 'Second hand smoke' or 'It's all nasty and smelly' at this point, you should know that you have wandered deep into enemy territory and might want to consider shutting the hell up.

We didn't complain if a pub went smokefree before the ban. We just went to a different pub. It was no problem at all. We certainly didn't demand that the smokefree pub allow smoking so we could go there as well as the smoky pub. Antismokers will argue that that is exactly what smokers demand. Well, yes, we demand it now but that's because there is no longer an alternative pub for us. Not one. We can no longer exercise choice, and neither can the landlords of those pubs. The ones that are left.

The truth is, the antismokers think the smoker mindset involves forcing others to live as they do because that is the only mindset they can conceive of. The idea that people with different lifestyles can coexist, that there could be smoking and nonsmoking pubs, is impossible in their minds. Everyone must be the same. Everyone is the same, to them, and deviance from sameness is evil.

I wonder what they think happens when someone opens their first pack of cigarettes? America's General Sawbones has already stated they will die with one puff. (Don't anyone get all Julian Clary over that one, now) Soon they will die when they open the pack and inhale the aroma. Eventually we will be told that picking through the plastic and opening the pack will make this guy turn up with his gang of Nicobites:


"You opened the box. We came."

Well, it's no more ludicrous than most of the claims and actually less ludicrous than some. The antismokers could use that picture as a warning (smoking will make nails grow out of your head, and I wish I had the time and skill to replace every nail with a cigarette) but that's more in the style of the Church of Climatology. 'Do as we say or we'll come after you with a nailgun' is their speciality.

The smokophobes prefer to sneer and to try to be superior. They think we actually believe they had spotted Junican's trap before they fell into it. They think we actually believe they saw his message that spelled 'propaganda' before they trolled the blogs to find out who he was. The smugness oozed from them as they published his full name, knowing full well it was an invitation to the more radical of their lunatic fringe - and that's the lunatic fringe of a lunatic fringe, remember - to get their spite glands fully loaded and Righteously act like utter twats. The smokophobes are evil and stupid.

Therefore I invite them all (yes you too, BMJ) to take and use the following images as warnings on the cigarette packets. Go on. There's no charge. The tobacco industry pays me nothing and neither will you.



WARNING: NHS tracheotomy doctors learn their craft from watching Blue Peter.



WARNING: Smoking is an addiction that always escalates to the direct application of nicotine to the eye.


WARNING: Smoking can make you look almost as bad as a fake doctor with an obsession for looking at poo.




WARNING: This man smoked, and just look what happened to him.


How many smokophobes looked at those and thought 'Ooo, that's a good idea' at one or two, I wonder? Quite a few, because even though I have tried to reach into the abyss of absurdity I cannot reach as far as them. The Lefties will pounce on that last one as a brilliant idea, even though it's just going to make the less-bright think 'Really? If I smoke I can be Prime Monster?' They don't understand humour. They think they are good at sarcasm but there is a world of difference between sarcastic and snide. Really, we are not fighting the cream of the IQ bottle here. We know it, they don't.

Junican flew through their defences with unnoticed jibes and with a suggestion designed to be utterly impractical but just draconian enough to be credible. The BMJ responded with 'a few tobacco promoters tipped the balance' when Junican's suggestion reached 70% of the vote thanks to his friends and acquaintances, while the next score was 9% because these people have no friends. Now they have to award the prize, and I hope it's printed on rolling paper.

I think we should all follow Junican's example. Invent a new persona and give them ideas. The more insane and deranged the better. Junican has shown that they will accept any and all crazed notions without question as long as they think it makes smokers suffer, even if it only makes smokers laugh.

It is cruel to torment them, but it's just too much fun to resist.

6 comments:

Amusing Bunni said...

This was funny, LI. Pinhead has to be the creepiest guy ever, or maybe it was the other one...hee hee.
I have to go look at my Christmas Cats again, this
scared me!
Have a nice nite, and stay away from those icky borgs.

Leg-iron said...

I'm not so sure about Pinhead being creepy, Bunni. Pinhead could be reasoned with. He accepted deals in a few of the films.

He's nowhere near as creepy as ASH or the Don Shenker types.

He's better looking, too.

Borg=socialist. Everyone sees it but the socialists.

Smoking Hot said...

You have to laugh Leggy. The BMJ blog posted this "but as it is our policy with the blog to encourage discussion, we do not reject comments simply because the editors do not agree with them."

Yet the comments remain the same despite my post of:-

"You simply don't get it, do you? Smokers no longer care what you pontificate about. We've gone past the time when we wanted to debate because we never were allowed to. Look at sites like ASH etc ... they preach but have no public comments section. Oh sure, there is a contact section but it's private and not public and so any smokers posts etc are simply binned.

Smokers have moved on, you closed the pubs but now we have our own Smoky-Drinkys. You have no effect on these because no-one can regulate on them as they are hidden. These are not businesses either, they are simply friends and friends getting together to enjoy what we once used to do in pubs ... smoke, drink, laugh. ln other words ... enjoy ourselves.

Guess what? we've found it more enjoyable too and as for cost, it's far cheaper so we are all better off. We buy our alcohol (very cheap) from supermarkets and as far as tobacco goes, l know of no-one (yes, no-one) who buys their tobacco in the UK. Remember all those health warnings that you and your ilk wanted printing on tobacco products? Yes, they are there but we have no idea what they say as they are printed in a foreign language.

Lets get one thing clear, buying your tobacco abroad is not illegal and is definitely not smuggling. You can purchase as much as you like for personal use. Sure, the UKBA try and rob legitimate shoppers by implementing harassment , intimidation and pure lies but even that is failing. lndeed l've dedicated a whole site to give shoppers all the information on how to exercise their rights as an EU shopper.

So, what have you achieved other than closing businesses down? Well for one, all us smokers no longer pay UK tax on our tobacco ... we pay it in the EU. That's less to be given out to all the tobacco control groups.

So, us smokers are still here but you can no longer see us. You can't monitor or put factual statistics (did you ever?) out about us because you simply no longer have the means to know how many of us there are. You certainly can't go by UK sales of tobacco.

So, l really must thank you because now we are financially and socially better off and you have no means whatsoever of controlling us. Thank you from the bottom of my pocket."

Merry Xmas LI :)

junican said...

Hello Leg Iron.

here is a copy of a post that I have just made over at DP's place:

"" Needless to say, the BMJ have not published my 'gracious acceptance speech'.

Do you know what has been the most revealing thing about the whole episode? It is the sheer disinterest of the BMJ's readership!

Methinks that there are only three possibilities - either their readership is just totally uninterested in tobacco control or they disagree with tobacco control or the BMJ has little readership.

I wonder to what extent the BMJ is wholly funded offshoot of the British Medical Assn?

Thanks to all for their kind remarks - except that it is the BMJ who deserve the plaudits!""

sixtypoundsaweekcleaner said...

What I can't get my head around is why they lie so much?

I know the devil is the father of lies and that he is the ruler of this earth and holds it in his sway....But even so, you wouldn't think that they (the establishment) would be so blatantly repeating his lies, without pause for thought as to who they are bowing the knee to.

I know it's some sort of indoctrination, power crazed, NWO thingummy, which makes them very rich. The only thing that frightens me is how easily the sheeple believe it and never question it or their motives.

wv: libil

Hmm...

Anonymous said...

So if I offer someone a sweet or a drink I am now corrupting them.Will stop forthwith and save loads of money.Course I will explain to them why.
When I smoked I offered whoever I was with a ciggy out of politeness,they either took one or declined.

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