Alien vs. Predator.

The law used to be an ass. Back then, we could expect occasional bouts of sense from it but no longer. The law is now an ass with a heavy crack-cocaine habit and a frontal lobotomy. We live in an age where a judge can set a violent psychopath free and expect him to voluntarily turn up for an appointment to have a tag fitted. Naturally, he has vanished and is now hunting for the woman he most likes to thump. If he doesn't find her then I expect he'll pick a few random women to thump while exercising his court-approved human right to be a violent psychopath. Funnily enough, his name is Azad. If he gets a communicable disease he'll have to call himself BioAzad.

As for the judge and his gang, surely there must be an apology forthcoming at least, if not a resignation?

The Immigration and Asylum Tribunal refused to discuss why one of its judges had released Azad.

No. Nothing. They don't care. No wonder they let psychopaths go, when the legal system is staffed by sociopaths. Next to them, psychopaths don't look so bad.

Meanwhile a sad loser with no friends has decided it's the council's fault because she once fell over (fell, not pushed) in the playground. Instead of saying 'Don't be silly', lawyers have taken up her case and are suing the council. These lawyers aren't aliens or predators, they are parasites.

There are no accidents any more. If a tree falls in the forest, and nobody is there, you can bet a lawyer will still find someone to blame.

And so to tonight's main feature. Alien vs. Predator.

It seems Alien sent Predator a note and is miffed because Predator wrote a book in which he revealed the contents of the note. Instead of going around there and bleeding acid on his trouser regions, she did something far worse. She set the lawyers on him.

Predator pointed his three-laser-beam sighting mechanism at the lawyers and they bottled it.

Last night a spokesman for Mrs Blair said: 'Mrs Blair was making a point. Her point has now been made. She doesn't consider it to be a major issue.'

The point she has made, as a certain rotund blogger mentions, is that she thinks she can use lawyers as big burly thugs to threaten people she doesn't like. The law? What has that to do with anything? I don't like him either, I haven't read his book and won't be reading it, but he hasn't broken any laws this time.

If I send you an Email which states, at the bottom, 'You can't tell anyone about this', that's not legally binding unless you agree to it. In commercial correspondence, it would be because I'd have a confidentiality agreement with the company. In the case of internal Emails within a company, they can presume tacit agreement because you have a contract (and they can sack you, even if they can't prosecute, if you break that agreement).

In personal correspondence, the letter belongs to the recipient. Not the sender. If I send you a letter I have no legal claim on that letter. Unless we have a signed agreement of confidentiality, I can't do anything if you choose to make that letter public. Not a thing.

Alien's lawyers must have known this. As a lawyer herself, she must have known this. Yet she demanded modifications to Predator's book, she demanded the return of the letter and she also demanded he pay her lawyers. Eight hundred of his shiniest skulls and spines. With no legal standing at all.

What has she achieved? She now looks ridiculous, more than before, she has brought further disrepute on a legal system that should, by now, have amassed most of the available planetary stocks of disrepute and is running out of places to put it, and the thing she wanted kept quiet is all over the newspapers. Stick to hiding on spaceships and jumping out at people, Alien.

Meanwhile the Grinning Ghoul she is married to has published a book in which he apparently details confidential conversations with Mrs. Queen. I have no intention of reading that one either. I'd have more fun re-reading 'Fat Freddy's Cat' yet again. No, that's not the Prescott book.

So if Alien can launch the lawyers at Predator for revealing something that broke no confidentiality rules, why hasn't Mrs. Queen consigned Tony the Teeth to the Tower? Orf with his head, what?

Thinking about it, if you were going up against Predator, would you really send in lawyers? I would. I'd keep sending them until I ran out. Then I'd tell ASH that Predator was smoking in the pub, selling imported cigarettes to babies and dropping butts on the street and send them round to sort him out.

Then I'd send politicians. The last politician I'd send would be the Governator of California. He managed to deal with the thing last time. Once that's done, take his batteries out and we have a lawyer, ASH and politician-free world.

If only there was a real Predator.