Tuesday, 30 August 2011

Safe movies.

Velvet Glove, Iron Fist tells the tale of the New Censorship that seeks to ban any form of smoking from the sight of children, or indeed anyone. Cruella DeVille can still make coats out of puppies, that's fine, but the smoking has to go. In case the children are upset by her smoking.

They won't be upset by her making coats out of puppies because they learn how to do that in primary school now. Seen many puppies around lately? You haven't, have you? What do you think those hoodies are made of?

In another vignette from the Novel That Is Taking Far Too Bloody Long, the main character is called in by his daughter's teacher. Teacher observed child chewing the end of a pencil and since this is smoking-related behaviour, she is obliged to quiz the parents about it. Cotinine tests all round. Far-fetched? I thought so when I wrote it, but I'm not so sure any more.

Have you seen Hostel or Saw? Lots of gory nastiness untroubled by the complexities of any actual plot. Lovely. Surely banning smoking in such films would be superfluous because children aren't allowed to see them anyway. Ah, there's a far better way to solve that problem than the rather insipid 'oh, but they might, and they'll be more traumatised by a full ashtray than by the sight of someone being hamstrung'.

Yes, the denormalisation of anything harder than 'Dumb and Dumber' is in its early stages. The merry little japes are good for you, anything that might show someone getting a bruise will make you die. Oddly, the most disturbing film I've ever seen was Jim Carrey in 'The Cable Guy'. Hellraiser, I've seen them all and the later ones are rubbish. I didn't even twitch through any of them. Cable Guy scared the crap out of me. I'm glad I don't have cable.

It's not just smoking in films that's on the list for removal. Get used to the Sound of Music because it's all we'll have left soon. Unless some underground group fights back, as is happening with everything else.




Sleep tight, cheeldren. The sounder you're asleep, the easier it is for the toys to dreenk your blaaad.

Anyone looking for a babysitter? No? Just thought I'd ask. So, everyone staying in for the night, then? Well I'm not.

I like to creep into houses and hide under beds with a big knife. It's just a hobby.

Goodnight.

2 comments:

RobT said...

Interestingly, by accident not intention, I happened to watch a BBC 2 film a couple of nights ago. I have since found out that it was called,"Page Eight". A story about Spooks and Nasty Politicos etc. Actually turned out to be quite good, but what was very noticeable was that many of the major players were smoking and even rolling their own.
Given that the beeb is notorious for plugging the guvmint propaganda I have been waiting to see if any complaints have been flooding in. Haven't seen any so far so maybe ASH supporters haven't enough time to watch TV, or can't appreciate good drama.
I would imagine it is on iPlayer if you are interested.
Not a Western so the people were not just "white hats," or "black hats".

Chalcedon said...

These are cut from the same idiot cloth as those airbrushing out the cigars of Churchill and IK Brunel. Personally I'd let TV advertise tobacco. It never made me take it up. I remember at age 11 watching French late night films on TV with my mother and smoking untipped senior service (father was working away). LOL Happy days.

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