I have been in the land of surreal tonight. I watched all three parts of a Parkinson interview in which Oliver Reed was sober, and I wasn't. I was actually drunker than him and that has to be a first. Peter O'Toole wasn't so lucky.
Tonight I see that Alcohol Concern have reported a completely unbiased study that they funded and controlled which proves that we have a whole generation of Oliver Reeds coming up. Well, that doesn't sound so bad to me, we'll get some great films and the tabloids will never run out of stories.
The very idea of booze companies advertising in any manner at all is horrifying to the Shenkerites.
Wake up in de morning, vodka for breakfast
Too much to drink so I stick it in me veins
Whooa - oh, the Shenkerites
Which is the standard tobacco template. No advertising. No contact between business and customer at all. The business is evil, only the Righteous can advertise and they do it so well it has so far saved the tobacco industry millions in advertising. Booze guys, take note. Let them shut your adverts down, they will push your product to the kids far more effectively than you ever could.
They can ban booze if they like. I can make it. I have something better than a little heater to control my fermentations, I have incubators the size of fridge-freezers and I have access to freezers that can reach -80C so ban away, ban boys, it really isn't going to matter at all.
The Pharmers want tobacco banned so they can sell us patches and gum. North of Aberdeen I can grow tobacco plants six feet tall in buckets and this year was just my first attempt. The drying and curing part is yet to come but with a little experimentation, I won't care if they ban that too. It does not look like anything remarkable and does not need fancy UV lighting. So, booze, no problem, baccy, no problem.
The pants-wetting line there is 'passive addiction' which is the most wonderful thing the antismokers have yet come up with. Now I can tell those who whine at my smoking that they are passive addicted and will have to start smoking or die of withdrawal. And don't think I won't.
It does explain all those miserable antismoker gits though. Denied their free fix in the pub, they are now grumpy through withdrawal. Well, look on the bright side. Withdrawal causes stress and stress causes cancer so they'll all be dead in a decade. Every cloud of tobacco smoke has a lumpy lining.
Salt? Currently 24p a kilo. Stock up. It cannot go off and even if it gets damp and solid, just chip off what you need. Trust me, it's my job to know this - nothing at all can grow in salt at solid lump concentrations. Nothing. It cannot degrade, there is nowhere for it to go. As for the difference between posh salt and 'value' salt, I am at a loss to imagine what they could take out of it to make the 'value' version. Get a plastic container and fill it now because it'll be scarce and expensive next winter.
Ah well. It seems there is a way around every ban so far. The future isn't so bad.