Thursday, 18 August 2011

Banned but still here.

I have been in the land of surreal tonight. I watched all three parts of a Parkinson interview in which Oliver Reed was sober, and I wasn't. I was actually drunker than him and that has to be a first. Peter O'Toole wasn't so lucky.

Tonight I see that Alcohol Concern have reported a completely unbiased study that they funded and controlled which proves that we have a whole generation of Oliver Reeds coming up. Well, that doesn't sound so bad to me, we'll get some great films and the tabloids will never run out of stories.

The very idea of booze companies advertising in any manner at all is horrifying to the Shenkerites.

Wake up in de morning, vodka for breakfast
Too much to drink so I stick it in me veins
Whooa - oh, the Shenkerites

Which is the standard tobacco template. No advertising. No contact between business and customer at all. The business is evil, only the Righteous can advertise and they do it so well it has so far saved the tobacco industry millions in advertising. Booze guys, take note. Let them shut your adverts down, they will push your product to the kids far more effectively than you ever could.

They can ban booze if they like. I can make it. I have something better than a little heater to control my fermentations, I have incubators the size of fridge-freezers and I have access to freezers that can reach -80C so ban away, ban boys, it really isn't going to matter at all.

The Pharmers want tobacco banned so they can sell us patches and gum. North of Aberdeen I can grow tobacco plants six feet tall in buckets and this year was just my first attempt. The drying and curing part is yet to come but with a little experimentation, I won't care if they ban that too. It does not look like anything remarkable and does not need fancy UV lighting. So, booze, no problem, baccy, no problem.

The pants-wetting line there is 'passive addiction' which is the most wonderful thing the antismokers have yet come up with. Now I can tell those who whine at my smoking that they are passive addicted and will have to start smoking or die of withdrawal. And don't think I won't.

It does explain all those miserable antismoker gits though. Denied their free fix in the pub, they are now grumpy through withdrawal. Well, look on the bright side. Withdrawal causes stress and stress causes cancer so they'll all be dead in a decade. Every cloud of tobacco smoke has a lumpy lining.

Salt? Currently 24p a kilo. Stock up. It cannot go off and even if it gets damp and solid, just chip off what you need. Trust me, it's my job to know this - nothing at all can grow in salt at solid lump concentrations. Nothing. It cannot degrade, there is nowhere for it to go. As for the difference between posh salt and 'value' salt, I am at a loss to imagine what they could take out of it to make the 'value' version. Get a plastic container and fill it now because it'll be scarce and expensive next winter.

Ah well. It seems there is a way around every ban so far. The future isn't so bad.


Anonymous said...

'Salt of The earth'

Anonymous said...


I do find it an interesting challenge and entirely possible as these were once all home skills.

But there are great opportunities to research and rewrite methods of production,take the principles apart and examine them, to make them better if I can, which I find rather exciting.

Perhaps I have been lazy all these years, just buying things for convenience that I could have made for myself.


sixtypoundsaweekcleaner said...

I went on the search for sea salt, just recently, in nothing more mundane that my local high street. I didn't want to yomp all the way to Waitrose at the far end and they're expensive anyway, so I began in the smaller shops nearer to my abode. They all used to sell salt; I've seen it. But one and all they seemed to have rejected it or perhaps run out. In the end, I found what I wanted in an asian cash and carry, owned by muslims. Very reasonable price too, about half the price of Waitrose.

A sign of the times, or just a coincidence?

nisakiman said...

Ah, how I love my adopted country.

There are still ashtrays on the bars.

Although not high in the European league of drinkers, they will happily drink a brandy or glass of wine in the morning, and feel no sense of shame (and why should they?).

Salt is still considered a staff of life. All the salt here is sea salt (I've driven past the great drying lakes from whence it's derived), and it is all cheap. In restaurants they spray all food liberally with it (although I do sometimes wonder if that's a ploy to get you to drink more...), sometimes almost to the point of inedibility.

They like to ride their scooters and motorbikes with the wind in their hair, not cut off from the rest of the world by an insulated egg.

They like the freedom of movement afforded by driving without a seatbelt.

They like to eat what they want, when they want. If that makes them fat, well...they get fat. No big deal.

Irresponsible? Perhaps. It depends on the importance you place on risk aversion.

A great way of life? Definitely, if like me you rate freedom above perceived safety.

Beware of Geeks bearing GIFs said...

Good post nisakiman.

Talking about ashtrays, I was out in a pub in Surrey with a good mate of mine supping on some fine local real real, Shere Drop, and I was puffing away on my e-cig, menthol flavour...mmmmm...

Whereupon a waitress came up and put an ashtray on the table and said: "Perhaps you would like an ashtray wit your fag".

I said, "No, it's OK, it's an e-cig and showed her"

She was stupified and bemused and took back the ashtray.

And I said "And what would really bake your noodle, I don't even smoke"

I wish I had a camera...

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