Actually I did. It's been building up in exactly the same way as the Spanish Inquisition did. The same techniques are used against climate change heretics - who are not (yet) jailed for their heresies and they are also well advanced against the booze heretics and the calorie heretics and now the salt heretics. Next will come the old Inquisition trick of locking you up for months without charge or accusation.
Yes, they did that. You knew you had done something wrong but they would never tell you what. Interview after interview until you confessed to something. Anything. Nobody arrested by the Inquisition was released without charge but the trick was, you'd never be told what the charges were. You had to admit to something and they'd keep you until you did. If you were lucky, their technique would get you to confess to some trivial transgression such as murder or child abuse. Then you'd be fined and released. If you were unlucky, they'd get you for smoking in a public place or exceeding your alcohol units or eating a chocolate bar between the hours of 8 am and 6 pm in a built-up area.
Oh wait, no. Those aren't the charges the old Inquisition used. They're the ones the new Inquisition uses. It's easy to get confused. The techniques are exactly the same.
Remember the Gorgon's idea for locking people up without charge or explanation for 42 days? Pure Inquisition textbook stuff. And now here it comes, courtesy of Cardinal Remploy and his rack-and-thumbscrew ensemble. Hot on the heels of 'oh, we don't need a jury' comes 'oh, we don't even need a reason'.
That is the EU. If you are voting SNP, consider this. Al the Oily Fish promises independence from an English parliament that no longer rules anything at all, but he will hand you over to the EU who can lock you up and not tell you or any of your family why, how long, or even which country you are held in. If you are voting SNP, reconsider.
If you plan to vote Conservative, then Tefal Man will head a parliament that has powers to do just as the EU tell them and no power to stop the Inquisition dragging you off to Lithuania for a bit of fingernail extraction with a side order of salt dip. Even he won't know where you are, what you are accused of, how long you will be held or how many staircases you will fall down in the meantime. If you are voting Tory, reconsider.
If you are voting Liberal Democrat, what are you thinking? I'll rephrase that. Are you thinking? Nobbly Cloggs is a pushover for the EU. He will do exactly as he is told because he has no idea what he wants to do himself. If you are voting Lib Dem, have a long lie down somewhere and just let your mind run through the likely outcomes. Better have a stiff drink handy (buy in before the Eyebrow Tax is imposed).
If you are voting Labour, then you are voting to be dragged off to a foreign country on the whim of any politician who fancies playing 'torture the pleb', while the government you voted for deletes all evidence that you ever existed. And you deserve it. Idiot. If you are voting Labour you are beyond redemption. Cheap vodka and a back-of-the-pub pistol is all you need now. In both cases, the pointy end goes in your mouth. See that little metal bit in the ring underneath? Just pull that. It must be good for you because it's not smoking.
None of those parties will do anything at all about the smoking ban because they love it. They also love where it's leading. Old Holborn left a comment a few posts back linking to this. Take care when reading. It's such pure Righteousness you might stop breathing without realising it. It's an Inquisition handbook.
Tefal Cameroid bangs on about repealing the hunting ban. I have never been hunting nor have I ever been hunt-sabotaging. I don't care about the tally-ho brigade riding around dressed like Butlins reps and sounding like a zombie plague among the Victorian gentry. I don't care about foxes either. The hunting ban repeal will get a few thousand extra votes for the Forehead with Nothing Behind It. A smoking ban reappraisal would get a few million votes. Dammit, Cameroid, there must be a brain in there somewhere. Find the 'on' switch, and soon. We don't care about any total repeal. Just give us somewhere. And call off the Smokish Inquisition. We know it's not good for us. We know some people don't like it. All we want is somewhere out of the cold. If that's too much to ask then you can take your shiny Paint Shop forehead and place it gently against an angle grinder as far as voting day is concerned.
So far we have one pub landlord jailed for six months for not stopping his customers smoking and subsequently saying 'up yours matey' to the Righteous. We have a shopkeeper who has never experienced smoking on his premises fined for not having 'don't do that thing you weren't going to do anyway' signs. Now we have a smoker who defended himself against a shrill harpy, and who then helped her to safety, jailed for four years. If he had left her there until the next train cut her into sushi he would have had a lesser sentence. As long as he wasn't smoking while it happened. Lucky for him the EU vanishing act has not yet come into force.
Smokers are declared evil. Heretic. Witch. You want evil, I can do evil. You want to take me for re-education, fine, but be aware it's fifty-fifty who is re-educating who. Stick me in a cell with Psycho Bob, no problem. We've met before on the streets and I've talked my way out of trouble many times. I even had a Psycho Bob 'minder' for a while. Psycho Bobs are trainable beasts. You Righteous just don't know how because all you can think of is dropped soap and children. None of that is necessary if your mind works fast enough. Or at all.
The Smoker War is here. I didn't start it and no smoker ever wanted it. All any of us wanted was a quiet drink and a smoke. You Righteous denied us that and we shrugged it off. Now you won't stop. Well, you wanted nasty, you'll get nasty.
I won't be pulling you up from any train tracks so you can pretend I was going to 'do something worse'.
Lessons have been learned.