Tuesday, 30 March 2010

Done

The latest report is done and I can now reduce, if not eliminate, Campylobacter as a hazard for those too dim to understand that raw chicken is pretty filthy.

Will the government be interested? I doubt it. They have shown no interest in reducing Clostridium difficile as a hospital infection and just yawn at the prospect of entirely eliminating Salmonella as a hazard. I can only assume that Al the Oily Fish and the Brown Gorgon are happy to let patients die in there while the diseases flourish. Logic allows no other conclusion.

Luckily I work for private companies. Lucky for you too because they'll push to get this stuff available. When it is, I'll let you know what it's marketed as.

This report also details an entirely new method for rapid assessment of potential good stuff. Dammit, I should have priced it higher.

Never mind. I'm still the only one who knows how it works.

Better hope I don't get lung cancer from homeopathic smoke exposure, eh? Because if I'm dying, the whole world is coming with me.

13 comments:

JuliaM said...

Congrats!

Gendeau said...

Thanks for starting my day with a laugh 'homeopathic smoking' - PMSL

In retrospect it should have been the obvious next step after third hand smoking.

Doesn't really feel fair that I'm gonna die of cancer when I've never had a single puff of a cigarette...homeopathic cancer - fucking genius!

Gendeau said...

Hmmmm

Is this the first cancer that adults are more susceptible to?

I mean if it's (clearly) deadly for kids, and adults get a 'more' homeopathic dose.

Surely seeing pictures of smoking must count as a homeopathic exposure to the 'risk'?

subrosa said...

Well done you LI. Come and bide with me! Then I'll never have to suffer Heliobacter Pylori or C.dif ever again. Do let me know the trade name of the treatment.

I'm stopping eating chicken. Think I'll just stick with fish. Gawd, soon I'll be a veggie at this rate.

protect your pets said...

I hope you haven't got a pet Leg iron. I'd have to report you for threatening to give it passive cancer...

http://www.pdsa.org.uk/about-us/media-pr-centre/news/1149_passive-smoking-harms-pets-too-warns-pdsa

Uncle Marvo said...

Which one are you marketing? Campylobacter, C-Diff or Sam 'n' Ella?

I don't think this is going to catch on.

At the moment, my money's on flucloxacillin. If I live until tomorrow, I want to buy whoever invented that a huge barrel of cider. Damn the expense.

Free radicals.

Fausty said...

I bet your report is superb, Leg-Iron and I hope you'll put a link to it in a prominent position on your sidebar, at some point.

The government won't be interested because vested interests make money from the 'remedy', brought to you by Big Pharma.

Leg-iron said...

Gendeau - if they take the inverse relationship between exposure and danger to its logical conclusion, ASH are causing every cancer and every heart attack in the country just by mentioning smoking every day.

Leg-iron said...

Subrosa - chicken is okay. Just washing your hands after handling it is enough. I use a disinfectant on all kitchen surfaces, but my line of work does tend to induce a level of paranoia about these things.

Leg-iron said...

Protect your pets - I used to visit the local PDSA shop a lot, and hand in plenty of stuff. Until I read that and now I won't be visiting again.

There's a British Heart Foundation shop but they already don't want the likes of me donating. Might have an atom of nicotine in there which will give a child a heart attack before they even leave the shop. I stay away, just in case.


So it's the local community-charity shop for me in future. It's further but at least they haven't yet stated that they hate me.

No, I don't have any pets. No time to look after them. I'll have to settle for giving the neighbour's dog emphysema. That wouldn't be such a bad thing - he'd bark less. Woof(wheeze).

Leg-iron said...

Uncle Marvo - it does all three. It won't get rid of C. difficile on its owmn but it seriously speeds up recovery in combination with the antibiotics. It can wipe out a Salmonella infection on its own. The Campylobacter is early days, but it's working.

Leg-iron said...

Fausty - in my darker moods, I have considered phoning up the Pharmers and saying 'I can do this - how much will you pay me to shut up about it?'

It wouldn't work though. I'm pathologically unable to shut up. Then they'd want the money back.

Uncle Marvo said...

Oh, it's a cure. I thought you'd found a brand new disease. I could've helped you market that, in an Anthrax-stylee.

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