Thursday, 4 March 2010

I didn't expect the Smokish Inquisition.

Actually I did. It's been building up in exactly the same way as the Spanish Inquisition did. The same techniques are used against climate change heretics - who are not (yet) jailed for their heresies and they are also well advanced against the booze heretics and the calorie heretics and now the salt heretics. Next will come the old Inquisition trick of locking you up for months without charge or accusation.

Yes, they did that. You knew you had done something wrong but they would never tell you what. Interview after interview until you confessed to something. Anything. Nobody arrested by the Inquisition was released without charge but the trick was, you'd never be told what the charges were. You had to admit to something and they'd keep you until you did. If you were lucky, their technique would get you to confess to some trivial transgression such as murder or child abuse. Then you'd be fined and released. If you were unlucky, they'd get you for smoking in a public place or exceeding your alcohol units or eating a chocolate bar between the hours of 8 am and 6 pm in a built-up area.

Oh wait, no. Those aren't the charges the old Inquisition used. They're the ones the new Inquisition uses. It's easy to get confused. The techniques are exactly the same.

Remember the Gorgon's idea for locking people up without charge or explanation for 42 days? Pure Inquisition textbook stuff. And now here it comes, courtesy of Cardinal Remploy and his rack-and-thumbscrew ensemble. Hot on the heels of 'oh, we don't need a jury' comes 'oh, we don't even need a reason'.

That is the EU. If you are voting SNP, consider this. Al the Oily Fish promises independence from an English parliament that no longer rules anything at all, but he will hand you over to the EU who can lock you up and not tell you or any of your family why, how long, or even which country you are held in. If you are voting SNP, reconsider.

If you plan to vote Conservative, then Tefal Man will head a parliament that has powers to do just as the EU tell them and no power to stop the Inquisition dragging you off to Lithuania for a bit of fingernail extraction with a side order of salt dip. Even he won't know where you are, what you are accused of, how long you will be held or how many staircases you will fall down in the meantime. If you are voting Tory, reconsider.

If you are voting Liberal Democrat, what are you thinking? I'll rephrase that. Are you thinking? Nobbly Cloggs is a pushover for the EU. He will do exactly as he is told because he has no idea what he wants to do himself. If you are voting Lib Dem, have a long lie down somewhere and just let your mind run through the likely outcomes. Better have a stiff drink handy (buy in before the Eyebrow Tax is imposed).

If you are voting Labour, then you are voting to be dragged off to a foreign country on the whim of any politician who fancies playing 'torture the pleb', while the government you voted for deletes all evidence that you ever existed. And you deserve it. Idiot. If you are voting Labour you are beyond redemption. Cheap vodka and a back-of-the-pub pistol is all you need now. In both cases, the pointy end goes in your mouth. See that little metal bit in the ring underneath? Just pull that. It must be good for you because it's not smoking.

None of those parties will do anything at all about the smoking ban because they love it. They also love where it's leading. Old Holborn left a comment a few posts back linking to this. Take care when reading. It's such pure Righteousness you might stop breathing without realising it. It's an Inquisition handbook.

Tefal Cameroid bangs on about repealing the hunting ban. I have never been hunting nor have I ever been hunt-sabotaging. I don't care about the tally-ho brigade riding around dressed like Butlins reps and sounding like a zombie plague among the Victorian gentry. I don't care about foxes either. The hunting ban repeal will get a few thousand extra votes for the Forehead with Nothing Behind It. A smoking ban reappraisal would get a few million votes. Dammit, Cameroid, there must be a brain in there somewhere. Find the 'on' switch, and soon. We don't care about any total repeal. Just give us somewhere. And call off the Smokish Inquisition. We know it's not good for us. We know some people don't like it. All we want is somewhere out of the cold. If that's too much to ask then you can take your shiny Paint Shop forehead and place it gently against an angle grinder as far as voting day is concerned.

So far we have one pub landlord jailed for six months for not stopping his customers smoking and subsequently saying 'up yours matey' to the Righteous. We have a shopkeeper who has never experienced smoking on his premises fined for not having 'don't do that thing you weren't going to do anyway' signs. Now we have a smoker who defended himself against a shrill harpy, and who then helped her to safety, jailed for four years. If he had left her there until the next train cut her into sushi he would have had a lesser sentence. As long as he wasn't smoking while it happened. Lucky for him the EU vanishing act has not yet come into force.

Smokers are declared evil. Heretic. Witch. You want evil, I can do evil. You want to take me for re-education, fine, but be aware it's fifty-fifty who is re-educating who. Stick me in a cell with Psycho Bob, no problem. We've met before on the streets and I've talked my way out of trouble many times. I even had a Psycho Bob 'minder' for a while. Psycho Bobs are trainable beasts. You Righteous just don't know how because all you can think of is dropped soap and children. None of that is necessary if your mind works fast enough. Or at all.

The Smoker War is here. I didn't start it and no smoker ever wanted it. All any of us wanted was a quiet drink and a smoke. You Righteous denied us that and we shrugged it off. Now you won't stop. Well, you wanted nasty, you'll get nasty.

I won't be pulling you up from any train tracks so you can pretend I was going to 'do something worse'.

Lessons have been learned.

12 comments:

John Pickworth said...

This guy, Hamish Howitt has been there before.

To be honest, his strategy has been a little naive but he put his money (and his business) where his mouth is from day one of the ban. Subsequently, the local authority has hounded him through the courts and effectively put him out of business.

Anonymous said...

Naive, for against the "crime" of smoking. Seems to me more like a bit too honest while the system that convicted him, along with establishing new rule of law that applies to everyone now, and not just about smoking, about property rights and not disagreeing with the government, the notion of the government working for the people and not the other way around has been turned on its head - and everyone's supportive of the notion - bravo for dictatorship. It's a tragedy is what this is, but it's what the people want - they want a dictatorship, so now we're going to have one. It's a step back to the middle-ages is what seems to be going on.

banned said...

The European Arrest without charge is already happening
Sunday Telegraph 28th Feb
"Two British businessmen who were held in a Hungarian jail without being charged after being accused of fraud when their company collapsed have been freed.
...had been held without charge since November 2 over claims they owed creditors £18,000.
Hungarian prosecutors used European arrest warrants to detain the men alleging the company’s creditors were the victims of fraud.
...were released from prison in Budapest on Friday without any explanation.


And here is the really spooky bit.
The print edition suggested that their release was to avoid embarrassment during the forthcoming visit to Hungary by the Prince Of Wales (ie on a political whim) but that does not appear in the online edition.

Telegraph links tend not to work, just go there and search 'hungary britons released'.

Angry Frank said...

The establishment won't like this then:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/7360761/100-year-old-woman-says-drink-and-cigarettes-keep-her-young.html

Good on ya girl!

Kevyn Bodman said...

Somwehat O/T,I'm sorry Leg Iron. But following the smoking ban the government up there is thinking about intoducing portion control for food in pubs and restaurants.

This story from The Publican was sent to me by a mate who runs a pub, but in England.

I thought it was the sort of thing that you and your readers might be interested in.

http://www.thepublican.com/story.asp?storycode=66466&encCode=4197258BC6675943JTBS737226611

Furor Teutonicus said...

A smoking ban reappraisal would get a few million votes.

Would it though?

Most people I talk to from Britin either shrug their shoulders in a "so what" attitude, or rant a bit, then say they will vote for who they always voted for regardless.

IF they are going to vote at ALL.

People all over the Western world do not vote on issues, they vote out of habit, or they do not bother.

John Pickworth said...

"Most people I talk to from Britin either shrug their shoulders in a "so what" attitude, or rant a bit, then say they will vote for who they always voted for regardless."

I'm afraid this is all too true.

I mentioned Hamish Howitt in the first comment above: He stood at two recent by-elections on a 'repeal the ban' ticket and received about the same level of support as Britain does in the Eurovision Song Contest.

Fausty said...

Labour and the EU have applied their totalitarian controls via various means, two of which are:

* fear/security;
* appealing to self-interest.

The gullible, non-thinking masses, content for others to do their thinking for them, eager to accept 'free' handouts, are easy prey. The schooling system has churned out drones at ever-increasing rates. Which probably explains the emphasis on 'modernisation' of politics and everything else - effectively cutting loose those older than 40, who were schooled to employ critical thinking.

Thanks for linking, Leg-Iron.

Leg-iron said...

Many of those who oppose the smoking ban will vote for who they always voted for, or not vote at all, because none of the parties most likely to win are offering the smokers anything. Just more threats and abuse.

Who do I vote for? SNP, Labour, Tory, LibDem? I smoke and I like a drink. They despise me and have made their contempt for me clear. They rub it in every day while creaming their tax from the things they tell me I am evil for buying.

I am not going to vote for someone who promises to beat me up if they win.

If one of those parties said "We will allow pubs and other private businesses to decide for themselves whether to allow smoking or not", the turnout on voting day might well be a lot higher.

Anonymous said...

What I still can’t understand, and never have in all previous election run-ups, is why all the smaller parties aren’t making their moves now, even before an election has been called. Of course they’d get no coverage from the mainstream media – there seems to have been an unofficial news blackout on the minor parties for some time now – but if they’re going to have to get some people out leafleting and poster-ing and doorbell-ringing once the election is announced anyway, why don’t they steal a march on the big parties and get some early campaigning done before the big guys even bother to get off their fat backsides and onto the streets? If nothing else, they’d have a chance to sow some seeds of doubt about the policies of the Big Three which later canvassers for those parties would have to fend off, rather than just going in “cold” and spouting all the “this is what we’re going to do for you” nonsense to an unprepared voter who may not, on the spot, have the chance to marshal his thoughts to put the questions he wants to ask. The smaller parties, having fewer candidates to go round, would do well to start spreading their word, now, rather than waiting for the starting gun like the rest of them will.

Furor Teutonicus said...

Leg-iron said...
They rub it in every day while creaming their tax from the things they tell me I am evil for buying.


Well, there is a kind of solution to that.
Brew/destill your own re the drink, with the smokes, and possibly with the drink, make sure you ONLY ever buy from the guy in the local market whos "stall" consists of an over large Adidas bag, a pocket full of change and a pair of VERY good running shoes.

Furor Teutonicus said...

Anonymous said...

What I still can’t understand, and never have in all previous election run-ups, is why all the smaller parties aren’t making their moves now, even before an election has been called.


But as far as I see, not even THEY are saying they will bring down the "smoker/drinker" apartheid system.

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