Saturday, 25 June 2011

What a lot of sit.

Are you sitting comfortably? Well, you're going to die, you filthy sitting-addict.

There's far too much in this story to rip up and I just can't keep a straight face while reading it so I'll just look at the concluding line...

Diabetes experts point out that sitting is not bad for us in moderation but can be addictive and harmful in the long-run.

...and laugh. Sitting is addictive? I'll bet it's harder to give up than heroin. Moderate that horrible sitting habit. Moderate it, I say! A child might see you sitting and think it's okay to copy you, and then it'll be your fault when their pancreas explodes.

Doesn't bother me. I'm already smoking and drinking so according to the rabid and fearful drones, I died years ago. The only reason I'm still around is that the doctors haven't found me yet so there's no death certificate. It's illegal to be dead without the proper paperwork.

All the same, I look forward to the first sitting cessation officers, secondary sitting and the removal of all seating from schools for the sake of the cheeeldren. Any day now.

34 comments:

subrosa said...

I really am losing the will to live.

Anonymous said...

That's okay, Subrosa, you are permitted one half unit of alcohol to drown your sorrows.

Leg-iron said...

Subrosa - it's a laugh a minute in the news these days. Apparently bin Laden wanted to change the name of Al Qaida because he was worried they had an image problem.

I'm glad I don't write comedy. There's no way to compete with stuff like this.

Twenty_Rothmans said...

At first I thought you were behind this, LI.

Richard said...

Duly nicked, with attribution, thanks. The best comment on the DM article was from the USA:

"Make sure the person next to you isn't sitting down either. Second-hand sitting is just as dangerous."

Right!

Woodsy42 said...

I suggest an immediate ban on furniture advertisments and an age limit (say 60) on the purchase of chairs. Chairs should be banned in public places and the pushers, like IKEA and DFS who sell the paraphernalia for this disgusting habit of sitting, should be forced to paint their stores white and have no logos or advertising.
We need a quango to guide the government, I suggest ASH - Action on Sitting and Health.

TheBigYin said...

What, no mention of THS (Third Hand Sitting.) Somebody has slipped up in the propoganda war on sitting.

View from the Solent said...

Obviuosly all chairs, benches etc. will be banned from pubs. And from cafes and restaurants. Better include tables as well, they can be sat on.

mister_choos said...

The BBC wasted alot of money on lessons on how to use their new chairs.

Now they will need to spend money telling there staff how not to use their chairs

Paul said...

View from the Solent: Obviuosly all chairs, benches etc. will be banned from pubs. And from cafes and restaurants. Better include tables as well, they can be sat on.

And floors.

Anonymous said...

If the study proves that sitting is more dangerous than smoking, then everyone in the office should be encouraged to get up out of their seats as frequently as possible, stand up, walk outside, or better yet, into the smoking room, then smoke, since it would be healthier. ASH could be renamed ASS, to deal with the problem of offending asses, sitting on seats.

Christopher - Conservative Perspective said...

We have to start a new group for therapy, Sitters Anonymous,,,,

"Hello, my name is ___ and I am a sitter. My job entailed me to sit 8 hours a day so I quit and I STAND before you to say I am tired of sitting and want to quit so I became a landscaper,,,,,"

Anonymous said...

Perhaps we should legalise sitting - then we could tax and control it.

winston said...

They might have to ban the electric chair in the US as it breaches the convicted prisoners human rights. Make him stand in a bath of water and throw in an old iron or something.

Maturecheese said...

Can we now abolish the Lib Dems as they have always sat on the fence.

cynical strategic switchblack said...

09:48, 14:41

leg-iron, winston, i think you may be onto something here; osama bin laden was sitting down when he was summarily executed by obama's death squad, and the american president himself has been sitting on his hands with (dis)respect to human rights - hence his fatal trajectory in the opinion polls...

which reminds me...it's over two years since i commented there, but as i predicted on guido fawkes, a couple of hours before the results of president obama's electrocuting election were returned, the first african-american incumbent of the white house was always doomed to finish his term with the globe's disparate cultures and nationalities miraculously united in their desire to have his guts for garters...well, in fact, i was wrong...he's disaffected the islamic and arab world by excrutiatingly escalating the war in afghanistan and by extra-judicially assassinating their spiritually charismatic figure-head of resistance...the selfsame crimes have disgusted the muslim half of africa...and, since the immoral oil-guzzling intervention in libya, the pan-african-unionists have now joined in the chorus of dissent aswell...together with the ethnic minorities and civil rights activists in the democrat party, who are none too enamoured with his retrograde version of 'change' - but fear not, all is not lost, because the republicans are well-chuffed with his ball-busting talent as a warlord and are mighty impressed with his nifty neo-conservative efforts to re-colonize the third world under the banner of the stars and stripes. unfortunately, due to his failure on the economy, and due to the pious american public's historic habit of rewarding their warriors, returning from evil imperialist wars of misdaventure, with the shunned and solitary sound of awkward silence, barack obama will not win a second campaign, because, like those grunts who have been working away whacking civilians on the coal-face, he has gotten his hands dirty, and, in common with those aforementioned troublesome troops, is not therefore deemed worthy of celebration. in an uncanny way, the first black president reminds me of a resident spy-voyeur, fondly known locally as snoop-froggy-frog (a handle deriving from his affiliation to a london-based cell of sarkozy special agents), with whom fate has forced me to lodge...and who displays the inherent ability to piss in every corner of the lavatory save for the toilet-bowl. yes, indeed, i believe that the democratic party in the united states are well-and-truly up shit-creek without a viable presidential candidate - so unless they want shotjock sarah palin to chomp home to a runaway republican victory, i suggest that cowgirl hillary clinton takes over the reigns pronto...and that mr obama resigns to spend more time with his darling wife's fully-loaded shopping bags.

the dish-washing queen said...

17:35

ah yes...snoop-froggy-frog has had to spend a palliative working-weekend with his homegirl... and so i've been left trying to find other things to do...a woman has kneads beyond bread, repression and incessant inconsequential conversation, you know.

JJ said...

It's easy to sneer...but over 100,000 people died last year of SHS (Second Hand Sitting).

Anonymous said...

View from the Solent: Obviuosly all chairs, benches etc. will be banned from pubs. And from cafes and restaurants. Better include tables as well, they can be sat on.

And floors.


All good suggestions but ultimately futile, as long as man has arses they will find somewhere to sit, therefore we must eradicate arses. I propose we start with charities, qangoes and politicians. I am sure if we rid ourselves of these arses we will all be saved from this sitting epidemic. We will all be healthier, wealthier and happier.

the stuffy statbraker said...

17:35

oh i do recall that guido fawkes, now you come to mention him...wasn't he the stirling chap with the magic formula, who could have chosen to become tesco's or even harrod's, but stuck to his working-class principles and continued to serve the local community from his cornershop?

tristan da cunta said...

17:59

guido fawkes? isn't that the place frequented by an elite mélange of politicians, celebrities, and extremists - a merry but idiosyncratic little gang, all intrinsically and ethically bound together either by their views on gaza and afghanistan as essential artillery ranges, or by their curious penchant for blowing away tens of thousands of lives in single city strikes, and then throwing parties in honour of the subsequent successful stock-market manipulation.

Anonymous said...

Whilst I have a face Fiona Bruce will always ahve somewhere to sit.

Anonymous said...

>Whilst I have a face Fiona Bruce will always have somewhere to sit.

Whilst Deborah Arnott has a face, I'll have a place to shi sorry sit.

Slamlander said...

Denormalization works both ways. Not only are selected citzens denormalized but the denormalizers are as well. My wife and I just agreed that there is no way, even for business, that we would ever go to to the UK. She even has family there.

The reason is that . The first mugger would wind me up in jail for beating the feck out of him or my penknife would get me arrested at the border. Sorry, it's safer for me to stay in Geneva and make the brits come to me, even for a multi-million dollar book deal. We have no reason to ever set foot in such a macabre place (Her parent are from Manchester but they are now more Swiss than the Swiss).

Whatever, this cowboy is never going to England again, ever.

Anonymous said...

We need a quango to guide the government, I suggest ASH - Action on Sitting and Health.

That'd get a bit confusing wouldn't it?

Very funny comment, made my day!

Anonymous said...

Jesus!

They say shocks are best absorbed when sitting down.

Leg-iron said...

Twenty Rothmans - I really wish I'd thought of this one.

Big Yin - third hand sitting will come. It's when you're in a room where a sitting adult has a child on their lap. Oh no! The cheeeldren are taking up sitting! Think what this will cost the NHS!

Ah, but think of the savings on those chairs in waiting rooms... which is where most people spend a lot of time sitting.


But hey, I'm probably just a chair industry shill.

Leg-iron said...

Slamlander - you might get away with a penknife. If you have tobacco on you, it's body cavity search time.

But only if you have a British passport.

Leg-iron said...

*ahem*

- I don't mind poeple sitting as long as they don't do it near me.

- I have no objection to people sitting in their own homes but they are not doing it in mine.

- Sitting should be banned in planes (I think Ryanair already tried this)

- There should be no more than one sitting carriage on a train.

- Your right to sit ends where my sofa begins.

- Sitting in private cars where children are present must be banned.

- Those who advocate some kind of 'freedom' issue around sitting are obviously in the pay of MFI and Ikea.

I'm sure the anti-sitting lobby will come up with more for their drones to spout. They really just need to raid the ASH manual and change one word.

That's all the anti-drink, anti-fattie, anti-salt, anti-fat and anti-ginger lot did.

Anonymous said...

There's a big loophole in SHSitting, and I will make up an unpeer-reviewed paper to back it up if anyone cares to write the cheques.

IT DOESN'T AFFECT BAR STAFF...

winston said...

If you give up your seat on a train or bus for an elderly person and they subsequently die due to oversitting I wonder if you can be sued by their relatives ?

great uncle ballgaria said...

17:49

and so i've been left trying to find other things to do

such as wombles

winston said...

A tory died sitting on a toilet seat at Glastonbury. Maybe they meant it was dangerous to be sitting while shittin ?

dandelion and hemlock (deceased) said...

15:32

the problem was more likely to have been shootin' rather than shittin', my dear winston. note that the farmer in charge of the riotous barndance has made reference to suicide - i therefore conclude that narcotics were probably involved. the only question which remains unanswered is: who fixed him up?. good lord, where is columbo when you need him? verily, i must confess that i even suspect the recent loss of our esteemed raincoat-warrior to have been the work of the evil mardi party - his demise has sorely diminished our ranks, and in my opinion the whole case of the lieutenant's stubbed-out cigar stinks, and is clearly a deliberate ruse designed to thwart our endeavours and put us off the scent. what say you, leg-iron?

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