I confess. I've always done it. It wasn't malicious, although playing with the idiots was good practice for the now-definitely-malicious attacks I make on the antismokers.
I've convinced people that cows can climb trees, that the long fur on Highland cattle is reserved to be woven into curtains for Glasgow tenements, that sheep have burrows they can hide in when it rains, and that pigs cannot be allowed in graveyards because they'll dig up the corpses and eat them.
All in fun, well, I enjoyed myself anyway.
I have never thought to tell an idiot that the one-uddered cow would appreciate a particularly vigorous milking. Or this, ah, this is brilliant -
Three out of ten people questioned could not identify the red triangular road sign for frogs or toads crossing – with one in six believing it means ‘beware of frogs’.
Beware of frogs! Fantastic! I didn't do that, the idiots did it all by themselves. They also think milk comes from bulls. That means they think milk is... yeuk. Stick with the espresso, give the latte a miss.
It's not really fair, of course. When I was a kid I kept mice and lizards and tadpoles and frogs and sticklebacks and newts and never once went near a pet shop. None of that would be allowed now and even if it is, most people believe it isn't. Kids found in a stream with a little net would no doubt soon see black-clad armed men abseiling down from a helicopter. "Put the jam-jar down and back away".
We used to play on open grassland where cows roamed. Have you ever put a banger in a cowpat? The fastest runner was always the one to light it. Parents now would be absolutely horrified at the thought of kids a) near cows, b) tampering with cowshit, c) having unsupervised fireworks and d) having matches. Yet nobody died and nobody was damaged, aside from the parental damage inflicted when coming home splattered in crap.
So okay, these idiots didn't make themselves idiots. Political correctness did that. Treating children as porcelain dainties did it. Defending them from the dreaded Outside World did it.
Oh, and taking most of the useful stuff out of schools did it too. Why, I'll bet they leave school nowadays not even knowing how to make gunpowder.
They are still idiots though. And I will still torment them. Because it's funny.
The most vicious torments I reserve for the antismokers.