Monday, 6 June 2011

The Stasi are here, and they're winning.

Chelmsford Crown Court heard how Mrs Palmer had spied on Collins, who is on incapacity benefit, from the moment he moved in - even when he was in his bedroom with women.

She gets an award.

He gets fined.

Total number of laws broken = zero. Oh, the noise?

On occasion she put her ear to the adjoining wall of their Victorian terraced homes in order to assess how loud the noise coming from her neighbours was.

If you have to put your ear to the wall to hear it, how loud is it?

Snooping is legal. Being different is not.


JuliaM said...

"Last night Mrs Palmer, a divorced mother of two, told the Mail: ‘He made my life a misery..."

No, love. You did that.

john miller said...

Oh, I love the delicious irony.

The Old Bill give her an award for 3 years of intensive surveillance.

Any one tried to take even a polaroid snapshot of a policeman recently?

Anonymous said...

Superb. And she fits the Daily Mail reading photofit perfectly.

Look at the wrinkes all over her face from having constantly screwed up her face in disgust.

Julia M is bang on. Some people like having a miserable life though. It's what they live for. And it shows.

Anonymous said...

She is the very personification of the Viz character "meddlesome ratbag"

For non-readers, an old lady who puts herself in position to be offended by anything at all and then massively over states the case to the authorities.

nisakiman said...

She sounds like she should be working for ASH or similar, snooping on smokers lighting up in no-smoking areas. She'd be a natural.

Anonymous said...

"Mrs Smith, I can't even see inside your neighbour's bedroom."

"But, Constable, you can if you climb onto the wardrobe."

(psychologically) besieged 'n battered blogger said...

exactly, leg-iron, my dear chap, there are those people out there who are just desperate to be offended (and then collect an official reward for fingering some poor hapless old mucker for indulging in one of his few remaining pleasures). you're absolutely right...these days, if one's face doesn't 'fit' the prevailing social façade of public pretentions, there's always some other person simply itching to work an angle to trip one's-good-self up over some perceived sleight or other, and blow the whole thing up into a political issue of universal proportions. i'm not a person who goes out of my way to offend anyone purposely, but i've come to the realization that, if one consciously attempts to cover all bases and avoid upsetting the eminently upsettable of this world, one is on a hiding to nothing - because it's absolutely damned impossible. whatever one does or one says, some forensic pathologist of political correction somewhere will inevitably interpret one's words, or one's actions, and adjudge them to be negative - notwithstanding that the bone of contention was, in truth, the result of a tenuous, if somewhat unfortunate, locational coincidence arising from an historical conflict concerning a particular nature of ingrained social ignorance which was not of one's making, and for which one was indubitably never responsible. anyhow, although thesedays, being of sound mind and clean conscience, i tend not to exercize myself too greatly over offence-prevention, i do however sadly suffer from a serious spell of goes with the territory of being a blogger, i suppose...i've got the nosey buggers living all around me...cia, deuxième bureau, kgb, mi5, to name but a few...indeed, i believe that, in return for passing on allegedly 'incriminating' information, one of them gets either financial inducement or his willy sucked by his girlfriend, who i strongly suspect to be one of our local members of parliament...but these characters are all very shady and secretive...and one just cannot be too careful...i see my situation as rather akin to that of russia banning the import of all vegetables from the europe union...when the source of the outbreak is finally ascertained, it will probably appear to have bean a gross over-reaction...but right now, the russian authorities don't want to take any chances and risk, in effect, that's where i stand with my resident and non-resident snoopers...i discovered that some of them have links to political groups which, in order to achieve their objectives, advocate and practise strategies including indiscriminate murder...and therefore, lacking any definitive knowledge of their motives and provenance, and noting that some are known to one another, i treat each and every one of my stalkers and voyeurs with the maximum degree of distrust...obsessive political ideologues invariably justify resorting to wanton violence for their own irreproachable and glorious ends...but, ironically, in their schizoid minds, our own failure to dot an 'i', or to cross a 't' is deemed no less grave than a capital offence...worthy of a full-scale surveillance and containment operation.

sixtypoundsaweekcleaner said...

I don't believe I'm reading this. I'm going back to my Mills and Boon. At least I can be assured of a happy ending.

Perhaps that's what Pauline Palmer was looking for...

grammatical precision comes before ungodliness said...


funny thing...i was just doing my girlfriend and getting to the really jiggly-wiggly bit when, out-of-the-blue, it occurred to me that i had made an unforgivable error in the declension of the relative pronoun, and i have now come forthwith to correct the matter...

sucked by his girlfriend, who i strongly suspect to be one of our local members of parliament

should, of course, read:

"sucked by his girlfriend, whom i strongly suspect to be one of our local members of parliament"

profuse apologies to the local youth, to whom i am an indispensable grammatical mentor.

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