Wednesday, 22 June 2011

Abandon Law, all ye who enter here.

The Cameroid has made Big Man Noises lately. It's really funny to watch this little mouse roar. It's almost as if he actually thinks he matters. Or maybe, almost as if he actually thinks.

First he says we won't bail out Greece by giving money to the EU (we'll do it by giving the same money to the IMF instead. We're not fooled, forehead boy).

Then he resorts to 'fighting talk' when dealing with the military. Someone really should point out to him that 'fighting talk' is not at all a good idea when faced with a lot of people who are really, really good at actual, physical fighting. Still, I expect he'll find that out in time and I hope to be allowed to watch. I'll pay for a good seat within splatter range.

Now he says we can use 'reasonable force' against burglars. Well, isn't that nice? Isn't it also exactly what Strawman Jack said a few years ago, and won't it make just as much difference in reality?

A judge living in a safe place with police protection has a certain definition of 'reasonable force'. Someone with a wife and daughter in the house, woken in the night by a burly stranger drooling over the wife's side of the bed, has a definition of 'reasonable force' that might be a little different to the one the courts will expect him to have abided by. The judge's definition will be the one applied.

Get off the bloody Lib Dem fence, Cameron. The answer is very simple.

If someone chooses to live outside the law then they forfeit the protection of the law. If someone chooses to steal, kill, rape and so on, then they have no recourse to the law when caught and convicted. They deny the law, so take it as read that they deny all of it. All of it, including the Criminal Rights Act.

This can only apply to common law, of course. Statute law has so many ridiculous rules that you might as well build prison walls along the coastlines of this island. Not a bad idea, actually. If this was all a prison, we could smoke in it.

Cameron, make it clear. If you break into someone's house, you deny, and therefore forfeit, the law. The householder can do whatever they want to you. State it, Cameron, I dare you. Burglars will be prosecuted even if the court has to wait a year while doctors stitch the bits they can find back together. The homeowner will never be, not even if he put the burglar through a bacon slicer, re-enacted the entire 'Saw' series in his basement, or even smoked a cigarette at him.

Now that would make burglars think twice. All this 'reasonable force' nonsense is going to be interpreted by judges who have never been so much as punched in the face, no matter how much they should have been.

As it is, burglars know they will get a really serious ticking-off if they're caught. They know that they used to get far worse in the headmaster's office at school. Except this time they can not only keep the dinner money they stole, the law will give them more. Soon they will get off scot-free because they will have reported the homeowner for smoking, drinking, or having too much salt in his house. I have no confidence in any member of this government ever bothering to challenge that. It's their plan.

Go on, Cameron. You dehumanised smokers, drinkers, and the overweight, and recently even divorced fathers. We're all fair game for anyone who fancies having a go.

Dehumanise criminals. I dare you. Your predecessors didn't and neither have you. Move on from the easy targets and pick on one that actually matters. Stand up for something with a principle behind it instead of playing along with the whiners and the fake-science snake-oil merchants. Grow a pair. Stop talking and start doing. You are the Prime Monster, man. Prove that you are at least less worthless than the Brown Gorgon before you hand over to the next cloned drone. Ah, what the hell. You won't listen. You won't act.

You don't have the guts.

Cameron, you are the archetypal oik. And not the clever kind. The drooling kind. With a twitch.

In the meantime, if I am faced with a burglar, I can be sure that he hasn't told anybody his plans for the evening. So, no need to trouble the law with all that paperwork. And no need to trust any mollycoddled girly-man judge's interpretation of 'reasonable force'. My definition is simply that I stop hitting when my attacker stops moving.

I've had the crap seriously beaten out of me in the past. I am not talking Bullingdon japes, I am talking council estate bleeding. To hell with 'reasonable force'. All I will be interested in is ensuring that my attacker will never attack me again. If that means the tiresome chore of digging a hole in the woods, so be it. Nobody is looking for that hole in the woods because the burglar, in most cases, will never be missed.

Burglars, enter at your own risk. I don't play the 'reasonable force' game.

And Cameron, try visiting real life once in a while. You might actually end up knowing at least some of what you're talking about.


JuliaM said...

" Nobody is looking for that hole in the woods because the burglar, in most cases, will never be missed."

Spot on! Look at the crime rate drop that police bloggers say occurs whenever a notorious local offender finally gets jailed.

That's the only way anyone notices they aren't around.

Anonymous said...

Reasonable force?!

But we've been de-gunned!


winston said...

Mind you in the US you can shoot the intruder before they even get over the door step and it hasn't reduced the crime statistics. Intruders now come with a bigger gun over there so who knows what the answer is.
My solution would be life imprisonment for a 3rd offence of theft. Life would be until you died not the present 8 years.

winston said...

FYI leggy. Just been watching PMQ's. Some labour luvvy ( Alex Cunningham, Stockton but with jock accent) trying to introduce a Bill to ban smoking in private cars.

microdave said...

Surely you have the option (unavailable to the rest of us) of infecting your burglar with some "nasty" which will permanently curtail his activities?

You spend so much time examining sh1t samples, that you must have developed a good immunity to most things...

Michael Fowke said...

@Winston - So? We'll just get even bigger guns. Rocket launchers, hand grenades. You've got to be creative.

david "the jackdaw" cameron said...

hcmmm...hcmmm...may i take this opportunity to thank the honourable ed of the opposition for completely ignoring the issue of whether it is in fact moral to bomb the fuck out of libya prior to effectively re-colonizing it...and for choosing instead to concentrate on whether we indeed have enough dollars in the bank to continue the 'blitzkrieg' ad infinitum. he is, of course, perfectly right to take this line of questioning - as the longer this shambles goes on, the more the costs will cut into all our bonuses when we finally bust the joint and nick all the oil.

diane dubble dollop said...


here here old chap...under the leadership of soft-centre ed, labour once again stands for more sweeties all 'round. yippy-yippy yoyo.

sixtypoundsaweekcleaner said...

If it wasn't so funny, it would be serious!

Anonymous said...

So we're again being promised that no, we won't be prosecuted or arrested if someone being violent towards us, gets hurt by us (they really mean it this time). Then in a few months, there'll be a case that shows that promise to be a lie. There always is.

petem130 said...


They break the law, they have shown a disregard for the law so they are not entitled to the protection of the law. I'm up for it. Bring it on.

Of course what happens when we get stopped for speeding? Or for parking badly or for too long? Or dropping a bit litter in the street. The hard pressed, underpaid and over-stretched Police gentleman may take a more strenuous view of our misdemeanor. Oh dear.

nelson madela said... leg-iron...a most pertinent exposition...of an age-old problem...although...for my part...i have always tended to favour...the route of...truth...and whatever means necessary...let me give you an example...

now you may be...aware...that i have recently been receive a visit...from the good lady wife...of the president of the united states...who kindly...found a her heavy shopping pop ' my humble abode...for a cup of tea...very nice too...may i probably...has not escaped...your attention...that...the first lady...was her husband...

mmm...of course...i am sure...that there were...very pressing and...expedient...reasons...for the president' make...the trip...but nevertheless...i wish him to know...that he should not...concern himself...unduly...for us both...he may rest...absolutely...assured...that...i am not fully declare...a score...which prince damned chance...of passing...there-fore...i great expectation...on the...honour...of...the president's...attendance...and...i have...ready for the sofa...a traditional...donga...perhaps more the a...common...or garden...african...stick...which i'll use to beat his bony raaaassclath white american backside with if he doesn't quit flying his baaambaclath fighter-planes over mi yard t'raaaass

...excuse my...jamaican patois.

flo - mr mandela's (english) care assistant (from worksop) said...


i'm so very sorry, mr leg-iron, i must apologize...but tata is, sadly, in the embarrassing habit of breaking into jamaican when he gets really really bloody angry - for the world, we can't think where he picked it up from.

well-pissed pensioner said...

on the subject of robbers, i can't tell you what tediously torturous end i would choose for that mr cameron - not only is he robbing us with his taxes on beer...he now wants to rob us of our beer altogether...i just can't believe it

mr zuma's revenge said...


holy hell, i thought i'd cracked it when i sent the minister of prisons to meet the first lady...but i have to hand it to old man madiba...he's still the absolute master of international diplomacy...and he never was one to miss a photo-opportunity...

Leg-iron said...

petem - that's why it won't work with the current mob in charge. Mission creep will mean people being summarily shot for overfilling their bins.

It has to be restricted to violent crime and home invasions.

It wouldn't be, not until someone with a brain takes control of every council.

Anonymous said...

I guess the problem is that although there is a broad agreement that "crime" should be severely punished, it all depends on what is made illegal.

Winston, sorry for late reply. I would venture to suggest that whilst gun ownership in the US may not have reduced crime, it may well have prevented it from substancially increasing. But who can tell for sure? Anyroadup, Touche!


the most reverent archbishbash dezzie tutu said...


which i'll use to beat his bony r****sscl*th white american backside with

ahhh...well now...i'm afraid i have to take issue with you on this matter, nelson, old chap - i've been locked in prayer with him-who-knows-best, and it has been revealed to me that, according to current christian doctrine, you have this all arse-about-face. you see, as pious clerical men of the clath (pardon me, i mean cloth), we cannot tolerate you beating the president's 'bony (jamaican expletive deleted) white american' buttock, because his 'bony (jamaican expletive deleted) white american' buttock is an ignorant 'bony (jamaican expletive deleted) white american' buttock and knows not what it does - but, conversely, on the other cheek, his bony (jamaican expletive deleted) black african buttock is, theologically speaking, fully conscious and, therefore, should bloody well know better and be beaten very very very very hard indeed with the biggest bloody stick found growing in god's bountiful bush. naturally, i would dearly love to assist you in your holy mission of faith, but, alas, painful and arduous duties such as these do not fall under my spiritual job description, and union demarcation rules do not permit me to participate - and so, sadly, the pleasure is all yours bro.

half nelson said...


but reverend...pray should i tell which is the...'bony (jamaican expletive deleted) white american' buttock...and which is the...'bony (jamaican expletive deleted) black african' buttock...for...although i have never before had cause to observe them...surely...they will both have the same...complexion...and consistency?

desperate dez tutu said...


well, just beat both the buggers and see which one starts whinging on about its euro-eccentric human rights, you bloody old fool.

opinions powered by