Friday, 6 August 2010

Rouse the Army of the Damned.

This resistance is not about sitting around and chanting 'Ohm'.
It's time to act like the monsters we are made out to be.

I have changed the sidebar image. That young whippersnapper Clegg decided he wasn't at all interested in what anyone had to say. Not just smokers. Not one single detail of government will change as a result of his ridiculous pretend consultation. Nothing. So there is no further purpose in engaging with government in any way. They asked for opinions, received many, ignored them all. The time for discussion has passed. Long passed, if only we had realised. This new government is the Gorgon in a smiley mask. No wonder he gave in so easily. He realised that his oppression would continue under Wavy Davey's Red Tories and Simpering Nick's Laughable Dhimmicrats.

They don't want smokers anywhere but they want the taxes, they want to treat us as filth, they want to encourage the antismokers to bully us, they don't want us in their hospitals, on trains or planes or buses, in pubs, in clubs, in restaurants, cafeterias, and they'd very much like to evict us from our own homes. Their drone antismokers are happy with all that and whine 'Godwin's law' when they are pointed out as Nazis.

I buy my tobacco from Man with a Van. So I don't go abroad, he does. Sure, he makes a profit so I'm not paying 'abroad' prices, I'm paying a little more but I don't mind that at all. When Man with a Van makes a profit, he does not use it to abuse those who are paying him. That's a good business model and one which the Cleggeron Coagulation, allegedly part Tory, could learn from. Unfortunately they are not listening. To anyone.

If you fancy a little stocking up trip, there's someone running occasional sightseeing trips to places where you can marvel at the sight of smokers indoors, and be amazed at the nonsmokers who are not sitting quaking in their own faeces, are not running screaming like a little girl who's just been shown what Dirty Vince keeps under his mac, and most of all, who are surprisingly not dead. Abroad has far stronger nonsmokers than we have here. Except in America where they have easily-terrified targets for us too (thanks are due to Dick Puddlecote for the tip).

If they believe that being near us will kill them, I say play to it. Tell them it's true, that the merest touch will kill them within days, that even conversation will produce a cancer within three weeks. Scare them to death because they are too stupid to live. Think of yourself as an agent of natural selection and keep a straight face while you describe the aches, cramps and tightness of the chest they can expect to experience shortly. No sores or bruising, keep it to stuff they can easily produce psychosomatically. It does work. Ask a witchdoctor.

The blog world is not enough, not at all. The non-internet smokers need to get angry too. They need to hear that there is a way to take revenge on our elected tormentors. Stop paying them taxes. Well, you know, a lot of the estate smokers haven't paid taxes on their tobacco for years. Their technique is not so subtle: Customs aren't too keen to tackle a band of rowdy chavs who have staggered off the Easyjet from Alicante with a straw donkey stuffed with tobacco. Others, though, have simply accepted that they are dirt and deserve to be treated as such. Their downcast eyes must be raised.

So a conversation starter would be a good thing. Some image they can puzzle at and wonder about. The one at the top of this post, for instance.

Stickers of that image are available at £2.50 for 100. The producers of the stickers are not interested in making a profit. If you have a printer, you can print your own. It's a monochrome image so it shouldn't touch your colour ink as long as you set up to print monochrome. Or use a monochrome printer.

I have just printed nine copies of this image onto Kodak A4 magnetic photo paper using a ten-year-old HP Laserjet 1100. They came out perfect. Yes! Fridge magnets! Hopefully they'll stick to those silly outdoor metal ashtrays too. Maybe lamp posts and street sign posts. Bus stop frames and smoking shelters.

Yes, they will get pinched because they're only attached by magnetism, but that's the point. I can replace them. Smokers will want one each and I want them to have them. I want them to take them home and stick them on their fridges and see them every day until the message sinks in. I'll just keep replacing them. They should also stick to most parts of the inside of a bus or train too - and again, they'll be lifted and taken home by someone. I will replace them.

You know, you can also buy T-shirt transfer paper for inkjets. You need to be able to reverse the image before printing but having done that, you just iron it on. Supermarket plain white T-shirts are dirt cheap too. The only tough part is that the image doesn't scale up to A4 particularly well. Anyone know how to make it grow?

Then there's the ironing, at which I can claim no more than very basic skill but I'll give it a go.

Blogs won't change the world because most of the people we need to reach never read blogs. This one gets between 600-700 visits a day which impresses me, but that's only about one hundred thousandth of the population of the UK and those visits are not all from the UK. From here, I don't even reach a hundred thousandth of the people of this country. I know most of the Smoky-Drinkers never visit because many of them aren't interested in the internet and one doesn't even have a land line. From here I'm not even reaching the people in this town!

Every time I go anywhere I'll take some of these. They will appear wherever there is a steel surface. Sometimes I might just leave a few lying around. Airport departure lounges would be a good place to drop such a reminder.

If you have no printer, $2.50 for 100 stickers is a good deal. If you have a printer, sheets of precut stickers are available as are magnetic photo paper and iron-on transfer paper.

Note that there is nothing illegal in advising people to buy tobacco abroad, nor in buying that tobacco abroad. The only way to make it illegal would be to take us out of the EU. Ha ha ha.

Buy them or print them, it's up to you, but get them out there. Even if you don't smoke, this is your chance to take some small revenge on the Cleggeron's fake consultation, to react to the Great Repeal Hoax that has changed nothing at all. I mean, we all know that a year from now, the Cleggeron Coagulation will point to that consultation as evidence that they are 'listening'. They are not. They never will. They had their chance and we should offer no more chances. There is no further purpose in discussion and no more room for compromise.

Stop paying them to hate you. Resist.


Kevin said...

The problem is that if the taxes are reduced too much they will go the whole hog and ban tobacco.

Leg-iron said...

It's not the tax itself I object to. It's what they are doing with it.

If they want to charge us that much tax, they could, at the very least, leave us alone. If they are going to ban us from everywhere and harass us continually, well I'm not paying for that. Not one penny.

Brian, follower of Deornoth said...

They treat everyone like filth, LI. Anyone who is honest, that is.

Anonymous said...

Let them ban tobacco, I will get mine from the local criminals and smoke at home. They will lose £10 billion in duty, they will lose billions in corporation tax from big T, they will lose hundreds of millions in income tax and NI from the many thousands who lose their jobs, small corner shops, tobacconists and the like will close resulting in even more tax losses. The economy will suffer due to to the job losses, debt will be defaulted on, mortgages and credit cards will be unpaid. Unemployment numbers rise, welfare benefit costs will rise.

Ban tobacco? bring it on, I for one am sick of being a cash cow. The same goes for alcohol, ban it now and multiply the above losses and costs to the government 10 fold, I brew my own. Let the bastards suffer the financial consequences of their persecution and self righteousness.

Take the principle as far as you can, minimise all contributions to the state purse and maximise what you (legitimately) take out. Minimise all purchases that attract duty and VAT, I have and what I have saved also means that I no longer work overtime and still have the same disposable income, more time for me and my family and less tax paid.

Furor Teutonicus said...

This should be considered a DUTY of EVERY smoker going home from holiday, to leave these all over the duty free area in Malaga, Majorca, Split, Bulgaria (I Think they only have ONE airport), etc.

Then it is full in their facs at the perfect point for doing something about it.

Pat Nurse MA said...

If they ban tobacco, I will grown my fucking own! They will nor defeat me!

Pat Nurse MA said...

If they ban tobacco, I will grown my fucking own! They will nor defeat me!

Anonymous said...

Its very easy.
If you can grow a tomato, you can grow tobacco.

Curing is the tricky part.
For the flower calyx tobacco you just dry them on a sunny window and leave them for a year.

The leaves are more complex.
Not being a farmer,or having access to a barn, I boiled it like the nightshade vegetable it really is.
Apparently the Chinese used to boil it.
It still took 2 and a half years to age enough though.

If LI doesn't mind me cluttering up the comments, I'll post the instructions.


Pat Nurse MA said...

Thanks Rose!

I feel sure Li won't mind as he is a tolerant chap. More so, incidentally, than the twat on my blog who claims to be pro-choice because he doesn't object to me smoking in my own home even though he objects to me smoking indoors anywhere he is not.

Sorry, completely off topic but I am still raging Grrrrrrrrr.

In respect of your previous post, LI, yes, trolls like that really do make me want to give up blogging and all faith in humanity.

Furor Teutonicus said...

You can use the same methods for hash. And potatoe leaves. Scolopamine is really rather interesting when smoked.

I DO, however, prefer hot knifing Thorn apple seeds. (Datura Stramonium)

See Salvador Dali for examples of results.

Anonymous said...

Here goes then Pat

Air dry the leaves on a washing line having first crushed the centre stem with a rolling pin to speed the drying.
When completely dry and brown,iron flat with a steam iron and store in a cardboard box for a year.

Pinched from the internet and amended.

Strip out the centre stem and discard.
The saucepan is filled with no more than an inch in depth of water which is brought to the boil.

Put your leaf in the saucepan, poke it well down, and then put the lid on,the tobacco needs to be able to float in the water.

It depends on the size of your saucepan and your leaves, I usually use 6 leaves for one boiling.
Allow it to boil for about ten minutes, and then let it simmer for the rest of the time.
Always aim at one hour for each boiling.

Drain, rinse , drain again,press into a block with a potato ricer then put it in the oven on a very low heat until completely dry throughout.
The block needs to dry fully or it will develop mould.
Store for another couple of years or until ready.

The original recipe had lots of flavourings but I did it plain.

The flower tobacco came from -
Agriculture of the Hidatsa Indians:
Harvesting the Blossoms
"The first harvest was of these blossoms, which we reckoned the best part of the plant for smoking."
"We picked, as I have said, every fourth day. Only the green part of the blossom was kept"


Anonymous said...

Actually it only takes a month to cure tobacco.
Trust me ,it only takes two weeks to cure blow.

Here's how you cure tobacco properly ..

Anonymous said...


I was aiming for a method of curing that anyone could do in an ordinary kitchen without any special equipment.
Not all of us are technically minded.
Especially me.


Anonymous said...

We need to get more bloggers on board
to push,to promote,to display for
easy downloading and self printing.
Allthough a few have said they will do some stickering,we need many, many more. Lets find out out
who is really prepared to DO
SOMETHING. Perseverence is required. Stick at least 50 a week in varied locations and if they go
stick another one in its place.
Do not get disheartened,do not cave in,do not fade away,there will be no retreat,there will be no surrender.

All or nothing

Anonymous said...

Well, I am a non-smoker who has never been bothered about the smell of cigarette smoke. In fact it smells alright to me, best of all though is the smell of black cherry pipe tobacco, that's a really nice smell. Smokers and non-smokers need to come together and resist! No Parmesan!

Angry Exile said...

Wot the last Anonymous said, which is more or less what I was writing a few hours ago. Leg-iron, I've half inched your pirate flag for my sidebar and pointed it at the Facebook page. I might actually have to join bloody Facebook now.

PT Barnum said...

I'm going down a version of the easy-peel sticker root (lacking the income for magnetic anythings). Printed images attached a stockpile of Gripping Stuff tape stick anywhere and can be removed with no damage to property.

And I have started a systematic campaign for every non-smoker I know, plus non-smoking friends of friends, who travels abroad to bring me back their allowance. By the end of August I should have enough to last me til next summer. Sometimes being in a minority can be a bonus - 75% of the population don't use tobacco but the majority of them are still willing to buy it on smokers' behalf. Some of them even find a pleasurable novelty in the purchase experience!

Gordon the Fence Post Tortoise said...

I think maybe LI can assist over here - see the oil muncher microbes comment... ??

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