Smoked baby on a bed of rice.

'Smokers are all evil swines who like nothing more than to blow fumes into babies' faces or to pin down an asthmatic, force him to puff a cigar and laugh at his attempts to breathe'. So believe the smokophobes, encouraged by ASH and the likes of Nick 'What? Is it me? What?' Clegg. Smokers are used to the nonsensical ramblings of the Dreadful Arnott and her zombie army now. We know we are dealing with the terminally stupid and the astoundingly guillible and some of us have turned that into a weapon.

I now write 'Handled by Smokers' on all paper money and add a little 'LI' in one corner in case any readers find one. One day, there might be a prize. No promises. It's not so big as to be noticeable when I hand it over, but big enough to be noticed by anyone checking their pocket cash. This little game is designed to scare only those who are so utterly mindless as to believe in third-hand smoke. I dream of the day one of these morons discovers they have given such a note to their child as pocket money, or as a birthday present.

There is no real danger, in fact there is likely to be more cocaine on any given note than detectable nicotine, but they believe in this crap so let them wallow in it. As the opening of this post points out, they genuinely believe we are evil, so let's show them what evil really means.

Hey Smokophobes. I blow smoke on all my money and I pay cash everywhere. Think of that next time you accept change.

Frank Davies provides data to show how nicotine boosts concentration and other brain tasks. Not at all surprising since it's a vitamin B3 precursor and vit B3, nicotinamide, is an absolutely essential component of the metabolism of every living cell on the planet. Yes, smokophobes, you are all full of it. Who'd have thought?

Real Street takes this one logical step further. If dumbing down is what the government intend (and all indications are that they want the whole population almost as dim as an MP, if that's possible) then something that fires up the brain cells, whether nicotine, caffeine or anything else, must be removed. This might be tinfoil hattery but it does, perfectly logically, explain the current Righteous panic over Electrofag. There is nothing dangerous in Electrofag at all, but it delivers nicotine. Likewise Snus and all the other smokeless tobacco products. There's no smoke, just nicotine, and nicotine is no more dangerous than caffeine. The only way either is dangerous is if you don't want people thinking too fast.

The template is the same as the one used down the ages by all forms of Righteous. Make it a sin. Tell people that the practitioners of this sin are in league with Satan, that they will consign their souls to Hell and fry their children in butter with a little garlic, tarragon and basil and serve them up on a bed of turmeric-laced rice sprinkled with thyme and parsley. Other smokers might prefer a curry. But all this talk is making me hungry, and my jar of baby eyes in aspic is almost empty.

The point is, it's always the same. Pol Pot set up anyone with an education as 'above the common man' and the common man turned them all in for execution. Hitler managed to turn his population against Jews, gays, the disabled, the smokers, and even the Jehovah's Witnesses. Okay, I know the Witnesses annoy some folk but let's be honest, is there a more harmless group of people on the planet? Hitler managed to persuade his people to murder a group whose most irritating habit was to 'talk about Jesus' in a breathy voice. Third hand Bible study?

The Inquisition focused on Jews and Muslims but also on anyone who they could accuse of being a Jew pretending to be a Catholic. Oh, you weren't safe by being on their side, oh no. You still aren't, smokophobe. If you fail that cotinine test then you are a smoker even if you have never even seen someone smoke.

Tip for smokophobes concerned about a cotinine test - eat loads of tomatoes and aubergines. They soak up any third, fourth or fiftieth hand smoke you might have come in contact with and extract it from your body. Eat nothing else for a week before your test and I guarantee your result will be absolutely predictable.

Oh, and if you're Jewish, you might as well smoke and drink as much as you like. The socialists include you folk in every pogrom anyway, you might as well have all the fun you can.

The same technique is working for drinkers. Not drunks. Drinkers. Oh, you are told it's for the city-centre shirtless and mindless with conversational abilities that barely extend beyond 'Yeah?' but really, you know they will not be affected. When they throw bollards around, when they smash windows, when they pee in bus stops, when they brawl like rats on crack, they are already breaking laws. The police arrest them and the courts send them out to do it again. They are not punished now and will not be punished by new laws. They will continue as before.

The new laws are for you. Yes, you who likes a glass of wine with your meal. You who has a sherry at teatime. You who has that one small whisky before retiring. You who has a stiff brandy to recover from a shock. You who sips that one beer, just to wind down for the day. The new rules are for you.

Please do try to grasp this, smokophobes, drinkophobes, fatophobes, drones. When you make new laws, they can only possibly affect the law-abiding because the criminals already ignore all laws. Did you people learn nothing from gun bans and knife bans and heroin bans and all the rest of it? The law-abiding can't have those things. The criminals don't give a bijou bottle containing five MP brains with room to spare for any laws, past, present or future. That is why they are criminals. Pass all the laws you like, they are as effective as telling the rain to go back up.

Okay, let's cut the politicians some slack here. My parents always said it was cruel to mock the afflicted, and everyone knows you can't possibly get into the house of commons unless your IQ score has been comprehensively beaten by pumice. These drooling halfwits just do what the likes of ASH or the Shenkerites or the British Meddling Association order them to do, because they are so utterly useless they can find no other employment than in the YOP scheme that is modern British politics. The politicians have no understanding of the actual application of the laws they, our elected 'representatives', enact on behalf on the unelected fascists who really might as well be in charge anyway. No, our Minimal Primates just ook and eek on those green benches and the diktats of the vicious and the evil pass without recourse to any mythical 'will of the people'.

The will of the people comes later. Once the discrimination is legally acceptable, the people delight in using it to smash that neighbour who dares to be Not Like Them.

In any way. Any way at all. They will denounce the heretic as they have always done, although nowadays there are a whole host of Inquisitions to choose from. The Righteous can accuse us of heresy for anything from putting babies on roasting spits to having the wrong shape of car. They revel in it. Those Inquisition torturers, those Auschwitz guards, those Guantanamo interrogators, they didn't come from another planet. They were human. So were those they tormented, but the interrogators didn't see that.

Did you know that modern police are taught not to see their targets as human? I just throw that snippet in for the sake of interest. It's no joke, I heard it from a new recruit going through training. The police are trained to see us in the same way that Mengele saw those Jewish twins. They, and their trainers, see no problem with that.

It's not just the police. Many drones are able to be similarly programmed. Say you're a smoker and you might as well be Lex Luthor. Say you're a drinker and you might as well be George Best. 'Their' taxes are paying for you (your taxes don't count). Be a little overweight and you are a scrounger and a drain on the Righteous taxes.

Look at this guy. Fat as you can get without being reclassified as 'Homo Beachballensis' and he takes no benefits. He does not bleat 'victim'. He does not whine 'Someone else should fix this'.

He worked out how to make money by being the fattest contortionist in the world. Not my cup of tea, but he entertains, people pay, he pays tax, he claims no benefit and does not cry 'Disabled!'

Yet look at the comments.

How revolting. Who on earth would want to watch that (and I didn't even get to the video)?
- Reubenene, Somewhere In The World,

OK ..so we have found the first human Butter Ball..still makes me feel sick..
- Felix, East UK, 27/2/2011 06:50

He costs them nothing, he does not affect their lives in any way, but they hate him. Why? He does not affect them at all. By making use of his physical attributes, he earns a living and affects nobody else, but they hate him anyway.

Because he is fat. For the same reason they hate smokers because they smoke, even if they are on the other side of the planet. For the same reason they hate anyone who likes a drink, even if they do it all at home and never venture onto the street at any level below sober.

It has become automatic. Anyone different must be culled. Anyone different must be hated and there are always those who will be delighted to take the chance to hate. They are now the Martians of 'Quatermass and the Pit', eradicating the different to purify the strain.

We smokers shouldn't take it personally. The whole system is run by people who hate. They don't really care who they hate.

We can still play with what passes for their minds, of course. Everyone else already has.