Monday, 28 February 2011

Smoked baby on a bed of rice.

'Smokers are all evil swines who like nothing more than to blow fumes into babies' faces or to pin down an asthmatic, force him to puff a cigar and laugh at his attempts to breathe'. So believe the smokophobes, encouraged by ASH and the likes of Nick 'What? Is it me? What?' Clegg. Smokers are used to the nonsensical ramblings of the Dreadful Arnott and her zombie army now. We know we are dealing with the terminally stupid and the astoundingly guillible and some of us have turned that into a weapon.

I now write 'Handled by Smokers' on all paper money and add a little 'LI' in one corner in case any readers find one. One day, there might be a prize. No promises. It's not so big as to be noticeable when I hand it over, but big enough to be noticed by anyone checking their pocket cash. This little game is designed to scare only those who are so utterly mindless as to believe in third-hand smoke. I dream of the day one of these morons discovers they have given such a note to their child as pocket money, or as a birthday present.

There is no real danger, in fact there is likely to be more cocaine on any given note than detectable nicotine, but they believe in this crap so let them wallow in it. As the opening of this post points out, they genuinely believe we are evil, so let's show them what evil really means.

Hey Smokophobes. I blow smoke on all my money and I pay cash everywhere. Think of that next time you accept change.

Frank Davies provides data to show how nicotine boosts concentration and other brain tasks. Not at all surprising since it's a vitamin B3 precursor and vit B3, nicotinamide, is an absolutely essential component of the metabolism of every living cell on the planet. Yes, smokophobes, you are all full of it. Who'd have thought?

Real Street takes this one logical step further. If dumbing down is what the government intend (and all indications are that they want the whole population almost as dim as an MP, if that's possible) then something that fires up the brain cells, whether nicotine, caffeine or anything else, must be removed. This might be tinfoil hattery but it does, perfectly logically, explain the current Righteous panic over Electrofag. There is nothing dangerous in Electrofag at all, but it delivers nicotine. Likewise Snus and all the other smokeless tobacco products. There's no smoke, just nicotine, and nicotine is no more dangerous than caffeine. The only way either is dangerous is if you don't want people thinking too fast.

The template is the same as the one used down the ages by all forms of Righteous. Make it a sin. Tell people that the practitioners of this sin are in league with Satan, that they will consign their souls to Hell and fry their children in butter with a little garlic, tarragon and basil and serve them up on a bed of turmeric-laced rice sprinkled with thyme and parsley. Other smokers might prefer a curry. But all this talk is making me hungry, and my jar of baby eyes in aspic is almost empty.

The point is, it's always the same. Pol Pot set up anyone with an education as 'above the common man' and the common man turned them all in for execution. Hitler managed to turn his population against Jews, gays, the disabled, the smokers, and even the Jehovah's Witnesses. Okay, I know the Witnesses annoy some folk but let's be honest, is there a more harmless group of people on the planet? Hitler managed to persuade his people to murder a group whose most irritating habit was to 'talk about Jesus' in a breathy voice. Third hand Bible study?

The Inquisition focused on Jews and Muslims but also on anyone who they could accuse of being a Jew pretending to be a Catholic. Oh, you weren't safe by being on their side, oh no. You still aren't, smokophobe. If you fail that cotinine test then you are a smoker even if you have never even seen someone smoke.

Tip for smokophobes concerned about a cotinine test - eat loads of tomatoes and aubergines. They soak up any third, fourth or fiftieth hand smoke you might have come in contact with and extract it from your body. Eat nothing else for a week before your test and I guarantee your result will be absolutely predictable.

Oh, and if you're Jewish, you might as well smoke and drink as much as you like. The socialists include you folk in every pogrom anyway, you might as well have all the fun you can.

The same technique is working for drinkers. Not drunks. Drinkers. Oh, you are told it's for the city-centre shirtless and mindless with conversational abilities that barely extend beyond 'Yeah?' but really, you know they will not be affected. When they throw bollards around, when they smash windows, when they pee in bus stops, when they brawl like rats on crack, they are already breaking laws. The police arrest them and the courts send them out to do it again. They are not punished now and will not be punished by new laws. They will continue as before.

The new laws are for you. Yes, you who likes a glass of wine with your meal. You who has a sherry at teatime. You who has that one small whisky before retiring. You who has a stiff brandy to recover from a shock. You who sips that one beer, just to wind down for the day. The new rules are for you.

Please do try to grasp this, smokophobes, drinkophobes, fatophobes, drones. When you make new laws, they can only possibly affect the law-abiding because the criminals already ignore all laws. Did you people learn nothing from gun bans and knife bans and heroin bans and all the rest of it? The law-abiding can't have those things. The criminals don't give a bijou bottle containing five MP brains with room to spare for any laws, past, present or future. That is why they are criminals. Pass all the laws you like, they are as effective as telling the rain to go back up.

Okay, let's cut the politicians some slack here. My parents always said it was cruel to mock the afflicted, and everyone knows you can't possibly get into the house of commons unless your IQ score has been comprehensively beaten by pumice. These drooling halfwits just do what the likes of ASH or the Shenkerites or the British Meddling Association order them to do, because they are so utterly useless they can find no other employment than in the YOP scheme that is modern British politics. The politicians have no understanding of the actual application of the laws they, our elected 'representatives', enact on behalf on the unelected fascists who really might as well be in charge anyway. No, our Minimal Primates just ook and eek on those green benches and the diktats of the vicious and the evil pass without recourse to any mythical 'will of the people'.

The will of the people comes later. Once the discrimination is legally acceptable, the people delight in using it to smash that neighbour who dares to be Not Like Them.

In any way. Any way at all. They will denounce the heretic as they have always done, although nowadays there are a whole host of Inquisitions to choose from. The Righteous can accuse us of heresy for anything from putting babies on roasting spits to having the wrong shape of car. They revel in it. Those Inquisition torturers, those Auschwitz guards, those Guantanamo interrogators, they didn't come from another planet. They were human. So were those they tormented, but the interrogators didn't see that.

Did you know that modern police are taught not to see their targets as human? I just throw that snippet in for the sake of interest. It's no joke, I heard it from a new recruit going through training. The police are trained to see us in the same way that Mengele saw those Jewish twins. They, and their trainers, see no problem with that.

It's not just the police. Many drones are able to be similarly programmed. Say you're a smoker and you might as well be Lex Luthor. Say you're a drinker and you might as well be George Best. 'Their' taxes are paying for you (your taxes don't count). Be a little overweight and you are a scrounger and a drain on the Righteous taxes.

Look at this guy. Fat as you can get without being reclassified as 'Homo Beachballensis' and he takes no benefits. He does not bleat 'victim'. He does not whine 'Someone else should fix this'.

He worked out how to make money by being the fattest contortionist in the world. Not my cup of tea, but he entertains, people pay, he pays tax, he claims no benefit and does not cry 'Disabled!'

Yet look at the comments.

How revolting. Who on earth would want to watch that (and I didn't even get to the video)?
- Reubenene, Somewhere In The World,

OK we have found the first human Butter Ball..still makes me feel sick..
- Felix, East UK, 27/2/2011 06:50


JuliaM said...

"I now write 'Handled by Smokers' on all paper money and add a little 'LI' in one corner in case any readers find one. "

You do know how Scottish money is regarded south of the border, right? Anyone recoiling at the thought of touching it down here isn't worried about the smoke... :)

Furor Teutonicus said...

XX Did you people learn nothing from gun bans and knife bans and heroin bans and all the rest of it? XX

Commy scum are well indoctinated in double think/speak. They TRULY believe that gun knife and drug crime have NOT increased, and to say they have is a "right wing conspiracy" paid for by the Mail.

But, of course, THAT party line only counts when someone talks about needing stiffer prison sentences for those crimes.

Anonymous said...

As JuliaM rightly says, Scottish money is regarded with great suspicion down south in England. Partly this is stupidity, and partly this is the fact that there used to be the Bank of Scotland, the Royal Bank of Scotland and the Clydesdale Bank all issuing notes, and quite often there'd be an old design and a new design of notes for each of those in circulation.

The unsuspecting Sassenach, confronted with a grubby blueish piece of ragged papery substance which the specimen of Scottish manhood in front of him claims is worth £20 is therefore faced with a dilemma: accept it and run the risk of becoming the proud possessor of a much passed-on photocopied fake, or turn it down and get a very close view of an entirely authentic Scottish knuckle sandwich.

This was a dilemma faced often whilst making a book on the Grand National, one which we often solved by passing off anything dodgy to drunken winning punters and if all else failed giving to an unsuspecting garage attendant when buying the petrol on the way home. I will gloss over the old trick of passing a crumpled pound note to the most flustered till attendant in such places, hoping for change from a fiver from such a note...

sweaty sock said...

Scotch money is legar tender ye ken !

sixtypoundsaweekcleaner said...

Funny how the righteous manage to get voted in and then under a veneer of respectability, promptly cull the population.

I was watching a prog last night about Obama's hero, Abe Lincoln. Turns out he wasn't as righteous as the American public are led to believe. You should see what he did to the Sioux.

Anonymous said...

Forewarned is forearmed.


" Niacin is formed during the roasting process, and coffee can contain 10-40mg of niacin per 100g, depending on the extent of roasting, thus making a significant contribution to average intakes of niacin"

I bought mine from the Eden Project, notice the amount of stems in the picture.
It's not one plant, it's a fistful of coffee seedlings.

After seperating them into individual pots, they overwintered beautifully

Growing Coffee Beans at Home


Anonymous said...

I seem to remember a British Linen Bank from Jockland years ago and passed on many a fiver from there. Or was I passing on monopoly money?

Stewart Cowan said...

Thanks for the link, LI. I hope my conclusion doesn't seem like tinfoilhattery, as there must be a really important reason for this anti-smoking agenda, and we all know it isn't our health, although I'm sure that's what drives many of the minions who make sure we "comply" with the legislation.

Former Lord Provost of Glasgow, Michael Kelly (he of "Glasgow's Miles Better" fame) left a comment on my Facebook page last night - "stop defending smokers' rights. They have none."

P.S. In defence of the English - I lived among this strange, yet amiable, tribe for thirteen years and I was surprised how (generally) readily my Scottish banknotes were accepted.

Anonymous said...

"Former Lord Provost of Glasgow, Michael Kelly (he of "Glasgow's Miles Better" fame) left a comment on my Facebook page last night - "stop defending smokers' rights. They have none.""

Says it all, really.

Leg-iron said...

Whenever I venture south, I wait until I get there before visiting the cash machines. Scottish money is legal tender throughout the UK, and most tourist-type places have no problem, but I don't go to those places.

Trying to buy something in a Valleys corner shop with a tenner that has camels on the back can be a challenge.

Sometimes English notes appear here. I think the banks collect them and send them back south. So a 'Handled by Smokers' note could end up anywhere.

smokervoter said...


This brilliant thinker is very critical of Lincoln. Also check out what he's got to say about sin taxes. Click away at all the links, the guy is very smart.

Thomas DiLorenzo

Panic Attacks said...

Smokers really have a bad habit such that they can not leave that and they keep on doing that. When ever there are many others people standby then that effects may others people.

Leg-iron said...

Panic attacks - what the hell are you smoking? Switch to tobacco, for the sake of your brain.

Furor Teutonicus said...

Sounds foriegn to me. Of course, to me, you are ALL foriegn, but you know what I mean.

Odin's Raven said...

If there is any truth in this article, the manufacturers may be adding the cancer in the paper:

"The rule of thumb is generally that legal drugs are usually no good for you and illegal drugs are definitely better than legal drugs and might actually do you some good; not all of them but they are definitely, on the whole, less toxic than legal drugs. The legal drug people are the same people who also sell you commercial cigarettes and liquor. There was no problem with rampant cancer from smoking, until the manufacturers started putting as many as 13 different chemicals in the paper to make the cigarette more addictive, burn evenly and quicker (so you would need another sooner). Formaldehyde is one of the things they like to party down with. They want you getting used to it before they saturate you in it."

Michael J. McFadden said...

Great piece and great title Leg Iron! Odin's has provided me with a perfect tie in.

Odin's if you don't mind, I'd like to comment on that final point about formaldehyde since it's one of the bug-a-boo chems the Antis like to frighten nonsmokers with.

Back about two years ago a big report came out that common Baby Shampoos had 610 parts per million (ppm) Formaldehyde in them. The next day stories were rushed through the media reassuring all the anxious parents that these were just "trace amounts" and nothing to worry about bathing their tender newborns with.

The problem here is that secondhand smoke concentrations in pubs generally has formaldehyde levels of about .007 ppm. It all works out to the "perfectly safe" baby shampoos having 87,000 times the concentration of formaldehyde as the "deadly" secondhand smoke.

Go figger, eh?

Michael J. McFadden
Author of "Dissecting Antismokers' Brains"
P.S. No *WONDER* they need to worry about "No More Tears"!!!

Leg-iron said...

Odin's - there is definitely something added to readymades to keep them alight. With rollups, cigars or pipes, if you stop puffing on them they go out. They don't burn down to the filter in an ashtray.

Now, the plan is to add more chemicals to the paper in the form of 'rings' to stop the readymades burning away, dropping out of the ashtray and setting fire to the carpet.

Rather than stop putting in the chemical that keeps it burning, they will add another chemical to counteract the effects of the previous one.

The harm raw tobacco could cause is dwarfed by those added chemicals.

Leg-iron said...

MJMcF - wonderful! So all those parents keeping smokers away from their newborns, then take them home and wash their heads with 87,000 smoky pubs.

I think they should be made aware of this...

opinions powered by