Thursday, 24 February 2011

It'll never happen here.

(Blogger's random despaminator has been busy again. If you were missing a comment, it was probably one of those I've just freed).

Dai Cameroid is touring the troubled countries of the world to check that their installed despots have enough bullets to be going on with. He is telling them that tyranny breeds extremism. Well, perhaps he should check that mirror once again.

The smokophobes find it amusing to justify and encourage violence directed at smokers. This time it's smokers hitting themselves but hey, if they can hit themselves, it's but a tiny step to make it legal for everyone to hit them. It's already legal to deny smokers employment, housing or medical treatment. Soon there will be camps. You want extremism, Davy boy? We know we are funding criminals and possibly terrorists with our illegally-bought tobacco and we are delighted to do it. It's you or us now. We just have to hope the terrorists get you before you get us.

Here's another copy of that video (ta for Email tip). This time, observe the comments. This, to them, is a Good Idea. 'Those people do something that other people don't like them doing so it's fine to use violence to make the point'. It will make smokers quit. It does not occur to these pompous, pious drones that all this will do is make smokers more angry.

We smokers can't fight back ourselves. All weaponry of any kind is being gradually taken from us. A few days ago, a man defended his home against a violent criminal using an airgun. Inside his own house, faced with an iron-bar-weilding thug, he shot two little pellets at the man. They did no real harm.

The criminal reported him to the police for using an airgun in self-defence. He wasn't charged but his gun has been taken 'for evidence'. Good luck getting that back. This was not adequate to advance the 'ban airguns' agenda, but as if by magic, mere days later, this happened. Coincidence? As expected, in the comments...

Is there really any valid reason thesedays for people to even have air rifles?

Ask that man faced with the maniac in his own home if he would rather have been armed with a feather duster. Oh, the airgun ban will come. Prepare to defend your home with a sink plunger in one hand, a whisk in the other and your best impression of a Dalek voice. Don't worry, Davy, when the thugs break in, rape the children and murder the parents, nobody will even think that it might have been a good idea not to have banned everything. Don't worry about fostering extremism at home. Worry about those extremist pals of yours who are losing power now.

Still, why concern ourselves with all that? We can relax with a spot of fishing - ah, no, we can't. Anglers are spreading an evil monster by some biologically impossible means so angling will be gone soon too. How about a nice dinner? No meat, it's bad for you. No wine with that meal, it's been priced out of harm's way unless you're a criminal willing to steal to pay for it.

What? You thought minimum pricing was to cut down on the alkies? Heroin is illegal and devilishly expensive. How do its users afford it? By stealing from you. Now there is to be another set of rabid thieves ready to steal to fund their high-priced habits. You'll need to defend your home - did I mention you aren't allowed to have any weapons? No barbed wire or broken bottles or trip wires or anything sharp in the garden in case they cut themselves. You'll have to take the glass out of your windows too in case the poor pampered criminals hurt themselves breaking in.

Get that plunger and whisk and start practicing the voice but be careful what you say. If you hurt the criminal's feelings, he'll sue. Feeling safe in your home yet?

Take your mind off it all. Go out and have a flutter on the horses or the bingo. While you still can.

So you can't smoke or drink or gamble or eat red meat or go fishing or take pot shots at tins with an airgun. You can't have salt or chips or any fatty foods. You can't have butter and the strange fats in syntho-butters are bad for you too. If you watch too much TV you'll get a heart attack. If you try to boost your fitness by cycling you'll get a heart attack. Yes, cycling in traffic now tops the heart attack list of causes. It's crowded at the top of that list, with the no. 1 spot occupied by smoking, drinking, being overweight, being underweight, eating salt, thinking about otters, and holding a sink plunger and a whisk while shouting 'exterminate'. That's equality in action - when it comes to heart attack causes, they are all No. 1.

Ah, poor Davy believes that all the riots are caused by poor people and that the solution is bullets. In Bahrain, the protestors weren't poor. In most of the other countries, the protestors weren't poor either. It wasn't money they wanted - and Davy, it's long past time you and your government realised that money is not the cause and effect of all things - it was freedom from petty rules and stupid laws and restrictive government control.

I have a decade and a half until retirement unless the government keeps on moving retirement age away from me, as I suspect they will. I won't retire. I will do what I do until I die. Which, considering my refusal to comply with limits on drinking or smoking or anything else, and my complete indifference to five-a-day and all the rest of the made-up nonsense, will probably be about the age of 150. Meanwhile the terrified masses will die of nothing at all, before they retire.

It's not looking good. Old people are a drain on the economy - yes, they are a drain on the same economy they have spent a lifetime supporting and paying into. We are exhorted to live long and healthy and exceptionally dull and uninteresting lives but if we do, they'll hate us anyway. Smoke, drink, stuff down those salted T-bones fried in butter. You might as well be hated by your government now because there is no escape. Doing as you are told merely postpones the hate to an age where you can't fight back. An age where the NHS regard you as 'in the way'. Where goverment officials whisper of the delights of voluntary euthanasia, when your offspring regard you as a drain on their tax money and urge you to do the decent thing and get on that ice floe.

The doublethink is breathtaking. The young insist that pensioners are a drain on their current tax payments, therefore admitting that the whole system is a Ponzi scheme and that the money those pensioners paid in is already gone. Yet the young continue to pay those taxes, knowing that there will be nothing for them in their own old age and that they will be reliant on the new young, who will hate them just the same. Surely, somewhere, one of these indoctrinated drones can make the connection?

Oh, what am I saying? I have convinced them of ludicrous things myself and watched them absorb it all. Next time I meet one I'll ask if they have pets, and warn them of scratches from cats that might have stepped in tobacco ash or licks from dogs that might have stuck their noses into ashtrays. Make a connection? This lot? Look at those posting boxes on sale. See the instructions? There are many people who actually need those to form a box shape from a folded flat card. Yes, they are that stupid.

I am expected to support the economy while knowing full well that the economy will regard me as an inconvenience when I get old, and will do its best to kill me. I am supposed to 'save the NHS money' by watching what I smoke, eat and drink so I can get old enough for the NHS to regard me as a nuisance and do its best to kill me.


You are worried about extremism, Davy? You have a population of drooling morons who will believe whatever they are told. They believe in the utter absurdity of third hand smoke. I have met those who think salt is a poison, that all fat is evil in whatever form and I have let them continue to believe it. Just think of me as Darwin's little helper.

I repeat, Davy, you have a population who will believe anything. Even the utter dross put out by your 'advisors' who, let's be brutally honest here, could not convince a monkey to climb a tree.

Imagine what will happen if someone with genuine convincing abilities were to get a hold of them, Davy. Imagine if they heard something that made actual sense.

While you're out shoring up your despot pals with arms and bullets, you might be advised to save a few. You're likely to need them.

But hey, I'm just a voter. You're not going to listen to me.


richard said...

A comment on the airgun story in the Mail, when someone says that airguns are legitimately used for vermin control. - "the only vermin on this planet is the human race.."
For self-defence, try
Airguns? Pah!
NB as for the slightly bigger-than-average non-British amphipods, fish'll eat them .

JuliaM said...

" This was not adequate to advance the 'ban airguns' agenda, but as if by magic, mere days later, this happened. Coincidence?"

Probably. But a damned useful one.

"Yes, cycling in traffic now tops the heart attack list of causes."

Are they including drivers who have to slam on the brakes when some lycra-clad loon shoots through a red light in front of them?

Sue said...

Brilliant post as usual. You ought to publish your posts in a book. They would serve as a chronicle to the downfall of democracy. Essential reading for future history lessons.

TheFatBigot said...

You overlook one thing about third-hand smoke, Mr Iron.

Any nasty stuff stuck to surfaces is a potential danger to those stupid enough to scrape it up and eat it.

Here in FatBigot Towers it is the windows that seem to accumulate more tar, cooking grease and general filth than anywhere else. Or maybe it's just more visible on the windows.

Is it any coincidence that those stupid enough to believe third-hand smoke to be dangerous have the mental capacity that categorises them as window-lickers?

And so the absurd is proved - only the demented believe there is a risk, only the demented are at risk, because the demented are at risk they can't be all that demented in thinking it a risk.

Ban windows today!

Bill Sticker said...

Used to make explosive airgun pellets for use on small game.

Step 1. Put box of unused matches in saucer with a little water in. Leave to soak.

Step 2. When damp, scrape off match heads into a small wooden bowl. While still damp, pack damp mixture into hollow airgun pellets almost to the neck of the pellet.

Step 3. Leave 24 hours to dry naturally. Put small amount of clay or plasticine into neck of pellet to seal.

Step 4. Seal in using a dab of solder dropped into flared neck of airgun pellet.

Load and fire against wood, concrete or vermin. If you've got it right, the results can be quite spectacular.

Caveat; this is a sensitive process, and rushing matters will mean that the pellets may detonate prematurely.

Simon said...

Jeebus Mr Iron. This is probably the best, and yet most depressing thing I’ve read - EVER. I’m close to loosing it where my only outlet would be to go crazy in public with my egg whisk and cheese grater (Dear FBI/Scotland Yard/MI5, this is a joke so no need to come kicking the doors of my house down tonight. I don’t really own a cheese grater as I don’t like cheese and my egg whisk is pretty blunt).

Anonymous said...

On the radio today. The NHS in Yorkshire to to STOP all knee and hip operations on people that smoke or have a high BMI.
The cull is starting.

George Speller said...

"I have met those who think salt is a poison"

Also an awful lot of people who believe sugar is a poison and aspatame isn't!

Likewise butter is a poison and hydrogenated margarine isn't.

You couldn't make it up.

Neal Asher said...

I'm told that a drip of diesel in the back of the airgun pellet is quite effective - the only problem being that it tends lead to the rifling being ripped out of the barrel. Personally I'll stick with my Ken Hom cleaver and some bin liners.

Anonymous said...

I have a broadsword and targe.
Very effective and sharp.
And i'm skilled in it's use.

JuliaM said...

The Dreadful Arnott is currently on CiF getting an almighty pasting for claiming that higher taxes and duties on tobacco won't cause more smuggling...

Billy the Fish said...

I keep a very large claw-hammer under the bed in case We're ever burgled here at Fish Towers. A good deal easier to argue a 'self defence ' plea with a legitimate piece of DIY kit than an airgun or sword. Also, have you seen the damage a hammer can do to bone? Get a pig's head from the butcher and have a go. The little shits might get in, bit they won't be leaving...

JJ said...


“You overlook one thing about third-hand smoke, Mr Iron.
Any nasty stuff stuck to surfaces is a potential danger to those stupid enough to scrape it up and eat it”.

Talking about nasty stuff, I was watching ‘Homes Under The Hammer’ yesterday morning. One of the presenters was viewing a 70s house up for auction, and pointed out the nicotine stains on the window frames and ceiling, he commented that an awful lot of cigarettes must have been puffed in this room. You should have seen how much staining there was…most impressive.

Now – here’s a couple of points.

1. How does cigarette smoke coat any surface so evenly and not sporadically or in patches?
2. Why just the window frames and ceiling and not the surrounding walls?
3. How much nicotine is there in cigarette smoke?

Anyone know?

hangemall said...

@anon 08:14. I think the smoking fatties should demand a refund on their taxes. Old Holborn mentioned a while ago that it's illegal to demand money for goods or services not provided.

Anonymous said...

The bottom is going to drop out of the world economy and what is going on in the mid-east (and Greece) will happen here. People's apathy is because they are relatively comfortable still. When that changes the real mobs (not whining leftists)will hit the streets and Cammy boy will have lots more to worry about than if you are smoking or eating red meat.

Anonymous said...

San Francisco, maybe the most smoke-banned city in the world, also bans ownership of air guns and BB guns in one's own home. They keep trying to ban real guns too but that damn US Constitution keeps standing in the way of succeeding, but not forever, since it's quickly being thrown into the dust-bin and a new Soviet style constitution being considered instead. Like with their health bill, it will probably be a 2,500 page pre-written monster already sitting prepared and just needs pulled out and passed into law without anyone reading it. Then they'll get those airguns and real guns made illegal everywhere. But if you're an anti-smoker in San Francisco, then owning an air gun is probably overlooked as a defense against smokers claim can be made. Just the logic of the situation, how it's been corrupted and turned upside down, satan good, God bad - it's what they want after all, when the dust settles and the world is corrupted beyond repair. It's what makes ASH so strategically important to them.

Zaphod Camden said...

Re the Yorkshire NHS thing mentioned above…here's a Grauniad piece on it.

Bloody ridiculous. Give these people their National Insurance back then. THEY PAID FOR THIS.

In fact, give me my National Insurance back too. That remains the sole reason I've not gone private up to now. I'm 38 this year and the older I get, the more worried I become…

Styx said...

I have continually been amazed at the neck of successive governments concerning the pensions scandal.

They say in so many words that they cannot afford to continue paying for an aging population. But these people have paid so-called National Insurance.

Imagine if a commercial insurer were to say "Sorry, I know you've paid in for X years, but we cannot afford to pay you now. That I believe would be called fraud, which of course it is.

Anonymous said...

@Billy the Fish.

Funny you should say that, I've been "putting up" the same picture in the bedroom for about five years now along with a home made shelf.

That, officer, is why the first two implements that came to hand were a claw hammer and a tenon saw.

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