In an apparent attempt to form the first ever Del-boy government, our illustrious leaders have been selling dodgy plastic bomb detectors to other governments. It's not the Cameroid's fault entirely although it took his lot almost a year to work out why certain arms traders were wearing sheepskin coats and trading from a battered suitcase on street corners.
These bomb detectors could not detect five hundred pounds of Semtex in a big box marked 'Caution: Semtex' and surrounded by sniffer dogs acting like junkies who have just found a kilo of smack in their Christmas stocking. These detectors are blatant and obvious junk. You'd get better results if you used a bomb detector you found in the little plastic capsule inside a Kinder egg. Hell, just stick a wire in the plastic capsule and there you go.
The Don't Panic site has the results of FOI requests concerning this marvellous sonic screwdriver device and a video instructing you how to make your own from a pop bottle and a coat hanger.
The machines allegedly work on ‘molecular magnetic resonance’ and the wand points to the suspected substance, just like a water diviner.
Who but an idiot politician would fall for 'molecular magnetic resonance', when an MRI machine occupies a large room and these handheld devices have a car ariel sticking out of them? Did nobody wonder why doctors can't use this miniature magnetic resonance technology in a GP surgery? What were all these government scientists doing? Oh, we know what they were doing. Chasing new ways to demonise smokers, drinkers and fat people. None can be spared for any actual science any more.
No wonder Clegg wants to overturn the ban on loonies standing for government. Most of them are already in there.
I can't help getting this image of the Tiny Blur in sheepskin, collaring foreign leaders while the Brown Gorgon holds the case and watches for the rozzers.
"Hooky gear? Nah, mate, this is pucker stuff. If they'd had these in Hiroshima they'd have seen it coming. You want to get your checkpoints kitted out with these babies, cheap at half the price."
At which point, the Gorgon drops the case.
"Gordy, you plonker!"