There is much ado about the government's statement that churches are to be 'allowed' to host gay marriages. This will, no doubt, develop along the same lines that sees pubs 'allowed' to make smokers stand outside. Unlike smokers and Christians, everyone else can sue when they get told to clear off. Yes, it's going to be a compo-fest, we all know the way it works now.
It's interesting to note that nowhere in the article is there any mention of mosques being similarly 'allowed'. Then again, did anyone expect there to be? They seriously don't like gays. They don't even like each other.
I have rarely set foot inside a church. If I were to approach the local minister, with gullible and possibly drugged wench in tow, and suggest using his church to get married he is likely to ask a few questions. Chief among these (these days, just after 'are you a filthy smoker') will be 'Are you a Christian?'
Well, I was confirmed at the age of 11 and I think the little Eucharist I was given at that time is probably still at my parent's house. Read it? No.
'Ah, but have you been practising since?'
I didn't know you had to keep practising. I thought the confirmation was the qualification.
So, not being a Christian and certainly having never attended this or any other church, the minister would be within his rights to say 'Get ye hence, foul heretic, and nevermore stain this place with that oddly shaped shadow of thine, nor with nicotine, by the way pal.'
Then he'd make the sign of the cross, head-butt me and whack me with an empty Buckfast bottle until I was safely off hallowed ground.
As I said, I haven't been often. Maybe they don't do that any more. Or maybe it was just something specific to the Church of C.U. Jimmy in Glasgow. I doubt many churches have emblazoned on the wall 'See Jesus. See crucified. Aye, so just watch it, right?' I was there for a wedding, well not really, there was a couple of other folk involved in that, I was there for the free food and drink. Never discuss religion with a drunk Glaswegian priest unless you can run fast.
Anyway, as a non-Christian, I would expect a church to say 'No, you can't get married in here, and certainly not to an inflatable woman. We are not adjusting the service to say 'You may kiss the vinyl' so just go away'.
The Christian church is founded on, and promotes, Christian belief. I don't believe so I don't go. I don't live according to all the Christian tenets so I haven't joined the club. There is nothing in the Bible to prevent me joining, even Noah was recorded as having hit the bottle hard at least once. There is no mention of smoking at all as far as I know. Nothing in the Bible says 'No smokers, no liver-picklers and no revolting, seedy little pervs'. I could join if the fancy ever took me. It's not likely.
However, the Bible is quite clear on the subject of homosexuality. God's against it. The Bible, at least, restricts itself to 'Well, no, we don't really like that sort of thing' with a cheesy smile and those arms with no bones in them that all the church tea-room people seem to have. The Quran is rather more direct and gives detailed instruction in the manner of death to be enjoyed by those of alternative persuasions.
If you're gay, God doesn't like you. Allah, on the other hand, really, really hates you. Christianity is the hotel owner who says 'Two men sharing a room? Oooo, we can't have that'. Islam is the gang of skinheads out looking for anyone wearing pink. It's odd, really, to find the likes of Stonewall shouting down the old-lady hotel owner while cheering on the skinheads. But then I spent years trying to find the logic in human activity and have come to the conclusion that there isn't any.
So the logic of a gay couple wanting to be wed in any church whose core text states they are not welcome is pretty much what I'd expect to find in the human race these days. It makes no sense.
Nothing in the world makes sense. Nothing ever has and nothing ever will. Accept that and you'll live a happier life.
If there is God, I picture him, every morning, switching on his Earth monitors then burying his face in his hands and saying 'Oh, Me, what are they doing now?'
In God's place, I'd nuke the planet and start over. Although it might not be as funny next time round.