Tuesday, 18 January 2011

Milky milky.

Beverage alert. Put the drink down and back away before reading. I am in red wine mood this evening.

Should we drink milk, asks Yahoo Health?

Obviously not, because we don't want to end up like the guy in the video. Sucking down the bodily secretions of another species is bound to turn you a bit strange.

It's nice though, isn't it? Imagine cornflakes with water. It would be like licking a wet leper. Coco Pops turning the water brown holds little appeal, let's be honest here. Capuccino would only be possible with a good dose of steamed phlegm. On the whole, milk is a better option for those things even if it does involve fondling a cow's boobs.

We've made a whole range of cheeses from a combination of milk, bacteria and fungi, all set into lumps by rennet, which is extracted from the stomachs of calves. Put like that, it doesn't sound quite so great so let's just stick with names like Stilton, Camembert and Danish blue. That sounds much better.

We do, after all, drink alcohol which is just yeast urine, and coffee which is mashed plant gonads in hot water. With milk. There are people who have cut-off plant genitals in vases around their houses, and stick their noses into them. So being squeamish about stomach-enzyme treated, bacterially decayed, mouldy cow-tit fluid is just silly. Cheese is good melted on toast with chopped chilli and a bit of onion. Cheese, onion and cucumber sandwiches are fantastic. Stilton is the excuse we need to drink port. It is an important cultural disgusting habit.

It has just occurred to me that the fear-filled who believe in all that third hand smoke crap have not heard anything yet. I'd better get my horns polished and my tail ironed. I have work to enjoy.

There was one thing missing from that article though. If you want to avoid the milky-milky stuff and still get calcium, here's their answer.

Good non dairy sources include fortified soy milk, collards, baked beans, boy choy, and supplements that contain calcium and vitamin D.

No mention of red meat, nor of sucking the marrow out of bones (now come on, I am surely not the only one). Soy milk? Soy doesn't suckle its young. Collards, what are they? Boy choy, no, I don't want to know. Beans have musical side effects and supplements are entirely artificial foods.

I'll stick with beef, and with sucking out that marrow.

Oh, and cheese, of course.

What the hell is a collard anyway? A mallard in a bow tie?


subrosa said...

Don't say I'm not good to you:


I'll stick with locally grown kale. Ok, ok, yes I know it used to be used as animal feed but if I have it with a bit of local animal then surely that can't be bad.

As I seldom drink milk then this stupidity doesn't concern me.

Leg-iron said...

In China, oats are only for animal feed.

Then again, I've seen what the Chinese are prepared to eat. And tried most of it, even pig stomach lining and roast dog.

Oddly enough, I managed to disgust them by eating a raw garlic clove.

Yes, I have disgusted dog and snake eaters with my eating habits. Result!

Bill Sticker said...

You iron your tail? Look matey, the drip dry non-iron have been standard issue in my circle of hell for yonks. As for not polishing your horns. I mean good grief! You turn up in my Bolgia looking scruffy and it's a thousand years in the boiling blood and no messing.

No more damned souls for you.

JuliaM said...

It's the Japanese who regard dairy products as strange and bizarre, isn't it? Something to do with not being as able to process them...

Anonymous said...

Collards is bitter tasting green veg that makes spinach taste like nectar.

Mark Wadsworth said...

A 'collard' is a successful arrest without the 'e'e.

Wiliam said...

So what's a collard dove then?
A flying brassica?

JJ said...


Gordon the Fence Post Tortoise said...

JuliaM @05:37

Indeed,there's a whole Japanese vocabulary of pejorative words for European / Caucasian rancid butter stinking round-eyes.

In terms of xenophobia the Japanese are right up there with the Saudis (and possibly Maldives marriage blessers) - and that's a strange group eh?

Dairy products are evil and bad for you - the barking vegans and assorted food faddists won't shut up ... the squeaking wheels getting more (non dairy) grease.

I've had visitor vegans complain about the whiff / smell of "non vegan" poo - yep, sanctimonious, hectoring, barking bonkers and on a mission...

Anonymous said...

For several years, breakfast for me has been half a pint of milk and nothing else. I like the calcium etc and I do not hunger thereafter until lunch. Also, it is alkaline - which makes up for the acids in the wine drunk the night before. What's not to like?

Ed P said...

It's Bok Choy or Pak-Choi

Recently you posted about the possible link between a Western/dairy diet and breast cancer, which was most illuminating. Could you please link to it, as it was one of the best reasons for avoiding milk?

Leg-iron said...

Ed P - this one?


I've put up a search thingy that might help in future.

Ed P said...

Yes, thanks.

No more milk for me, mater, I'm orff to play the graand piarno.

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