Please excuse the little shit from blogging for today. You won't believe what he's done this time.
He decided it was time to repaint the stairwell. It was time to repaint it two years ago, after he buggered the paintwork all down the stairs by dropping a television he was trying to move and I told him, this time get someone in to help but nooo, the half-human moron insists on being independent and doing things himself. Extendable paint rollers are only as good as your balance on a staircase and his wasn't as good as he thought it was. Well, really, it wasn't any good at all.
He has dented himself again, not too badly but he's going to have fun getting that paint out of the carpet when the swelling goes down. I expect he has already considered painting the rest of the carpet to match because he's insane and disgusting and I should know, I gave birth to him and my hair was completely grey by the time he was four. I can tell you for certain he wasn't swapped at birth because believe me, I tried. Fifty years on and I'm still trying.
He'll be back shortly. Most of his fingers are working now and he can see out of one and a half eyes.