Monday, 21 November 2011

A note from Leg-iron's mum

Dear Reader.

Please excuse the little shit from blogging for today. You won't believe what he's done this time.

He decided it was time to repaint the stairwell. It was time to repaint it two years ago, after he buggered the paintwork all down the stairs by dropping a television he was trying to move and I told him, this time get someone in to help but nooo, the half-human moron insists on being independent and doing things himself. Extendable paint rollers are only as good as your balance on a staircase and his wasn't as good as he thought it was. Well, really, it wasn't any good at all.

He has dented himself again, not too badly but he's going to have fun getting that paint out of the carpet when the swelling goes down. I expect he has already considered painting the rest of the carpet to match because he's insane and disgusting and I should know, I gave birth to him and my hair was completely grey by the time he was four. I can tell you for certain he wasn't swapped at birth because believe me, I tried. Fifty years on and I'm still trying.

He'll be back shortly. Most of his fingers are working now and he can see out of one and a half eyes.


Leg-Iron's Mum.


Woman on a Raft said...

They don't mention this on the back of the fag packets.

Get well soon.

Oldrightie said...

Roller in one hand and glass in the other not a good move, Mrs Leg Iron's Mum! Well if you're still trying to do for him, I suppose it is!!
get well soon, both of you!

Pat Nurse MA said...

Condolences Mrs LI. Look after your boy well because we need him back to frighten away the smokerphobics.

subrosa said...

Is he insured LI's Mum? Find an ambulance chasing bunch because it could have been the paint or the carpet which is the cause of his serious swelling. Think compensation. ;)

Amusing Bunni said...

Hi Mrs. Leg Iron's Mom! Please don't be too hard on your son, he was only trying to help!
Hint for next time, hire someone!

I hope Leggy is feeling better very soon.
He's lucky he didn't break a leg or something.

SBC said...

Mrs LegIron, you obviously smoked with him in your womb and are therefore guilty of causing all his handicaps and general clumsiness.

IT IS NOT HIS FAULT HE'S A TWONK! It's yours for being such a bad parent and SMOKING whilst probably DRANK ALCOHOL too I expect.

Sinner! Shame on you! You condemned your son to a life of chronic illnesses, underweight and failing at school.

Anonymous said...

What colour is the carpet/paint combo?

You could mix it to a "neutral" blend...

Catherine in Athens said...

Poor LI! Still, another dent or two can only enhance your fatal charm as far as I'm concerned. (It helps with the patination and makes you even more valuable).

Angry Exile said...

You do realise we're all going to go down with second hand DIY accidents now.

nominedeus said...

I too have noticed that paint makes carpets swell but I don't think the swelling EVER goes down again...I presume his injuries were mostly caused by meeting your dainty steel toe capped boot Mrs LI's mum! so entirely self inflicted , still please give the poor dear our regards from here and tell him to get better soon!

@SBC you may have a couple of very valid points there about secondhand smoke affecting children.
Personally I think he may have fallen due to knocking the glowing tip off the fag he had in his mouth with the extending brushy/rollery thing (there should be a health and safety warning on those things!) as he was using it one handed whilst trying not to spill that drink, and the ember going down the front of his protective boilersuit (which should have been done up to the neck, with safety helmet including full face visor) and slipping down unnoticed to one of his two family jewels,in my experience this always produces something akin to an epileptic fit in the recipient...not the best thing to have halfway up OR down the heart goes out to him!
Tip for next time wear more than just a tee shirt under the boilersuit m8! (a pair of skiddies would have saved much agony, but we wouldn't have had the laugh I suppose).

wv= messes hared to believe these wv's sometimes eh!

Supi said...

Speedy recovery LI.

Anonymous said...

I've heard that selective exercise helps get fingers moving again, the best being unscrewing bottle caps, pouring drinks and holding glasses (uses a whole range of different muscles) so start practising on that bottle of Lucozade:>

Truly hope he's not too hurt, Mrs L-I's mum.


P T Barnum said...

DIY can seriously damage your health and is known to be addictive. You can get help. Contact your GP or pharmacist now!

In fact studies have shown that 109% of all hospital admissions were due to DIY-related incidents, but still no legislation is forthcoming to ban this dangerous practice from people's homes. The government must act now.

Feel better soon (and don't dissolve pain killers in whisky, it's not good for you or the whisky).

Anonymous said...

Dear Mrs Leg-Iron's Mum,

I do hope your son is not badly hurt and gets better very quickly.
I look forward to when you think he is well enough to be allowed out to play again.


Anonymous said...

Bugger!! I suspected just greasing the ladder rungs wouldn't do a proper job, shoulda gone for the exploding paint brush and lethal fumes paint too .... oh well never mind, I'll know for next time .... "evil chuckle"

JuliaM said...

Ouch! Here's hoping the swelling goes down soon... ;)

Lou said...

Dear Madam LI

Some folk believe in some kind of divine intervention. Piss-off enough people and their psychic energy'll nail you. Sort of like Mubarak, his military and things like that.

If that's the case then ASH, Stirling Uni et al ain't worth spit against the positive energy that flows from us lot.

On the other hand there's perhaps a more prosaic reason, the tight fisted old fart just pushed his comfort zone too far.

Junican said...

To LI's mother.
From Junican's mother.

Don't tell me! Little rascal! Takes after his dad, he does. Always blundering about, messing things up and muttering, muttering, muttering. I can never understand his witterings about fascisists and cameroids.

Serves him right!

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