Alcohol is now more dangerous than smoking. Every drinker out there will get cancer of the oesophagus just as every smoker must get lung cancer. Got that, antismokers? When you sip that wine while laughing at the poor sods out in the cold, your throat is going all lumpy and pustulent. Like your brain.
“The problem is that we have the highest obesity rate in Europe and we drink more alcohol than the European average.
Is that true? More than France where cancer of the fuel-pipe is much lower than here? More than Spain or Cyprus? Or is this a case of 'We don't give a damn what causes it and we aren't looking for a cause or a cure. We already have something we can blame it on and we can use it to force people to do as we say'?
So we should all switch to soft drinks yes? Ah, no. Soft drinks will give you diabetes, heart failure and chronic enlargement of the middle. It takes just two a day, and you're as dead as a fat smoky drinker.
Right. What about sugar-free soft drinks? They must be safe. Nope. The sugar-free ones cause heart attacks and strokes. Same level of risk. There is no safe level of fizz. The low-calorie alternatives are not a safe choice for you filthy sugar addicts.
The good news is that traffic fumes are good for you. Yes, really. Don't relax with a whisky and a cigarette, they'll kill you. Suck a Scania exhaust and feel the goodness flow through your body. Note that this only works for antismokers. Smokers, and those who tolerate smokers, get no benefit from traffic fumes.
I think I'll stick with the booze. It's good enough for the doctors.
Update: How about drinking some... water? No! Water gives you cancer! Stop putting it in your whisky!