Friday, 25 November 2011

The demented mind of the writer.

Some time ago, when pondering the meaning of life, I came to the conclusion that the entire infinity of space and time popped into existence at the moment of my birth with one sole intention. To annoy me. It's worked.

Then I noticed it was annoying a lot of other people too. So that megalomanic paranoia abated. The universe hated everyone equally. It wasn't solely aimed at me.

Yesterday I took a wrist-resting day. Rather than hammer away at a novel-length story (the dystopia) I decided to work on a short story. There are lots of ideas on this hard disk, some sketched out, some half-done, some no more than titles. One concerns Caleb Small, a very tall and wide man who happens to be psychic. It hasn't progressed beyond the title because that's all he generated. The title is 'Large Medium Small'. One day he'll tell his story but he doesn't have one yet. It will have to be a comedy.

The one I decided to work on yesterday concerned a lake monster. The monster isn't in the lake. It is the lake. Okay, that's right out in the realms of total fantasy. Nothing in the news can spoil that one in the way it keeps catching up with the dystopia. Not even a universe finely tuned to irritate me personally could mess that story up.

Oh, come on. This isn't funny any more.

I think I'll write about a fatal disease that only affects politicians, or a comet that pulverises only Westminster. Perhaps about the day someone in a government somewhere grew a brain or maybe I'll just bring the stone owl to life in Bohemian Grove.

Then dare the world to make it come true.

Or maybe... a story about someone who thinks he predicts the future when in fact he's been writing it... hmmm. It would break my only taboo. I have never had a main character who is a writer by profession because it seems lazy to me. But maybe just this once.


andy5759 said...

The Lake Monster reminds me of a short story I read years ago. I think it was called Smart Water, or something like that. Quite simply, a small body of water achieved sentience, was eventually discovered by scientists, taken to the lab where it was discovered it mingled with H2O to "breed", escaped down the plug hole, everyone panics, it got diluted and died. Damp squib ending perhaps, I enjoyed the story though.

Anonymous said...

Good grief I'm surprised the fabians allowed this to be published. After all they hate splitters more than torys - see Life of Brian.

They've all been smoking too much dope listening to John Lennon. I am you and you are... Goo Goo gah joop or some such...

BTW please Mr LI keep up the challenge and try to think of something so ridiculous it could not possibly happen. It really does seem that you're doomed to failure.

Anyway got to the pub a bit early today so probably not making much sense, but FFS this is a very oddist story. Split into three, three million years ago. Not fair on even numbers.

Lou said...

20% of all MP's admit to being a little bit nuts at some time. 86% admit to being stressed out. Oh, and they don't think it's fair they should give up their seat if they're sectioned for 6 months or more.

50% of all American Presidents were mentally ill.

Maybe helps explain why we feel they're way out of touch - they're lally.

Anyway if yer cannae get some mileage out of that lot then yer no trying pal.

TinCity said...

I think that there was a short story doing the rounds, about a bloke who was banging away, trying to write his own biography from a first person point of view. when he found himself writing about recent events he switched to the present, in an almost diarised style. Starting to imagine his future, he found that his diary entries, where they commented on real events, didn't happen until the next day....not sure if he started drinking single malt and started blogging......

Delerium said...

what's the point in having a taboo if you don't break it at some point in your life?

or at least twist it round really hard in the harsh light of day?

Lord T said...

The universe is just for you. The others that appear to be offended are just bots. making it look like the universe is err.. universal.

It's your own personal hell mate.

The Bot.

opinions powered by