Clicking should bring forth the engraved Puritanism on this grave to free choice.
The picture is not outside some church somewhere, nor is it, unfortunately, the Tomb of the Puritan. It is an old water fountain in a public park in Aberdeen. Maybe I'm fussy, but when I approach a water fountain I expect to get a drink of water, not a lecture on the evils of booze. This thing wasn't even within sight of a pub when it was installed although now there is a new bar right next to it. Some sports club or other.
It no longer works anyway. With wonderful irony, the only way to get any kind of drink in this park is now in the bar. The fountain that provides the only drink life needs no longer provides it. If ever I become wealthy, I will buy this thing, install it in my garden and run malt whisky through it. The wording will still be appropriate.
That is, of course, if it is still there on that future day when I have three pennies to rub together. Under EU law, the claims chiselled into its surface are now illegal.
Instead it could be put to use dispensing booze to help the poor nine out of ten people in the UK who can't manage a drink a day. Dick Puddlecote points out that the Boozophobes are following the Smokophobes' template exactly, and this article in the Daily Ooomissus shows it in action again.
One in 10 Britons admit they can't go a day without a drink - more than double the international average, a new survey has revealed.
Admit. Can't. These words imply that one-tenth of the country are blotto within moments of waking up in the morning and they cannot stop. They don't like it and want to stop. Here comes addiction. The truth, naturally, is that this figure includes all those who might have a sherry at teatime, or who might like to finish the day with a wee nip of whisky before bed. Even with all those included, ninety percent of the people in this country do not drink alcohol every day and yet there is a big problem that requires... money.
'Whether that is due to the lack of awareness about the effects that alcohol can have - or whether we are simply in denial - there is clearly more work to be done to raise awareness of the associated risks and the real impact it can have on lives.'
Yes, all those drinkers are in denial about the health risks and more funding is needed to slap them down. Sounding at all familair yet? How about this part -
'It's not about total abstinence, but it is about drinking responsibly and being aware of the effects that heavy drinking can have.'
No, it;s not about a total ban. Just as the push for all those smokefree spaces was never about a ban, and when it became a ban there was no question of extending it to outdoors, and when that happened there was no question of extending it toprivate property, and when that happens in cars there will be no question of extending it into the home...
The same justifications are being tried. Here's a tip, drinkers. They didn't listen to real numbers from teh smokers and they are not listening to you. You are an addict and in denial, you see? Therefore nobody needs to listen and you must be controlled.
What are the publicans, those whose livelihoods have already collapsed and share prices plummeted after the smoking ban, doing about this?
They are doing a CAMRA. "Not us. It's them, get them over there. The supermarkets. Punish them."
I don't need a drink every day. In fact I haven't had one for days because I am close to finishing something and need the income, but I'll be having a few tomorrow night. What I don't want is someone telling me I can't have a drink whenever I damn well feel like it. Some people like to have a quick snifter every day and some like to take a spell off the booze and some don't drink at all and some like to chug down a bottle of vodka in an hour. What other people do is not my business, just as what I do is not theirs.
By the time all this nonsense is over, and it has failed over and over in the past, I expect Smoky-Drinkies will have reached the point where all they'll need is a sign outside.
Then we can all get back to normal until the next batch of pompous, self-important asses come to town.