Monday 1 November 2010

Godwin's Ashtray.

I had not expected to be working all weekend. Next weekend is a definite 'no'. One of the smoky-drinkers is going in to hospital for an arthritis operation so we're getting him sedated and full of antibacterial smoke and alcohol first.

Tonight, no children appeared at my door. In past years there have been some, and I have been tolerant enough not to snarl at them, to listen to the terrible jokes and give them some Dentist's Delight so they'll go away. This year, not one. I wonder if it's because of this? If I had known earlier, I would have hung some cigarettes outside my door and put up pictures of people smoking. Much scarier than pumpkins. I am bigger than the Bogeyman now, with full idiot-terrifying powers and if you thought I was a heartless bastard before, you ain't seen nothing yet. Watch out for a whiff of smoke coming from under the bed or through the keyhole of that dark closet. I might be in there, with my sack of baccy and my red eyes and the Fabled Zippo of the Lumpy Lung. As for spiders in my hair, I've always had those. Spiders like me. Possibly because I won't kill them. Antismokers, well, they aren't as important or as useful as spiders.

Over at Frank Davis's is a third hand video in which a professor tries to point out the dangers of lying through science. He says, among other sensible things, this:

"How far do we take this? At what point do we start to say that deliberately presenting information in a deceptive way so that people will change their behaviour. At what point does that become unacceptable? And to me, I start seeing gas chambers... Maybe that seems ridiculous, that a government of whatever shape should deliberately produce campaigns which are deceitful, intending to deceive - if that's the case - in order to produce desired change, is a very thorny problem."

A government deceiving and using gas chambers on its own people? Is it so ridiculous? Pol Pot's regime enslaved an entire population, killed anyone who showed any sign of independent thought and didn't even allow spectacles because they were evil Western technology. When they did that, they were the government. Mugabe's government routed all non-black farmers with violence and routinely arrests members of other political parties.

When the Jews were rounded up and killed in 1930's Germany, who did that? The obvious answer is 'the Nazis' but that answer avoids an uncomfortable truth. When they did it, the Nazis were the government. Governments still can, and still do, perform atrociously evil acts.

Couldn't happen in Britain? Look back only as far as the 1960's and you see the British government shipping British children as slave labour to Australia. Look now, and you see a deputy Prime Monster who smokes and who likes to put out other smokers' cigarettes by stamping on their faces. And to think you're all scared of the BNP. There is worse in power already.

Hitler invented the second hand smoke game. Whenever that's pointed out, you can be sure the smokophobes will bleat 'Godwin's law' because they believe it's as valid as the law of conservation of energy or Newton's laws of motion. So let's play.

Here is something I found concerning the Nazi anti-Jew propaganda, with a little modernisation as applied by ASH.

There are still Jewish lackeys today who attempt to disrupt our storm attack on the Jewish world rulers, trying to stop us or even cause us to fall. The following hints show how one can reply to these arguments by our opponents, or even turn their arguments against them.

There are still nonsmokers who don't mind smoking. Here's how to browbeat them into submission.

Argument 1: “You say that religion is a private matter. But you fight against the Jewish religion!”
Counterargument: “Actually, the Jewish religion is nothing other than a doctrine to preserve the Jewish race.” (Adolf Hitler). “In resisting all government attempts to nationalize them, the Jews build a state within the state (Count Helmuth von Moltke). “To call this state a ‘religion’ was one of the cleverest tricks ever invented.” (Adolf Hitler). “From this first lie that Jewry is a religion, not a race, further lies inevitably follow.” (Adolf Hitler).

1. 'You say smoking is a personal choice but you plan to ban it in private cars and homes'
Counter: 'Smoking is an addiction and these people need help because they are all of low IQ (like Einstein, who was both a Jew and a smoker) and need to be guided to the Proper Path'.

Argument 2: “There are decent Jews, after all!”
Counterargument: “This little phrase ‘after all’ proves that they are rare exceptions of no significance to our battle against Jewry as a whole. But Martin Luther saw four hundred years ago that this “decency,” proven by charitable deeds done in as public a manner as possible, is nothing but a hidden cost of business, to repaid a thousand times by uneducated Germans. “Know, dear Christian, and have no doubts about it, that next to the Devil you have no more bitter, poisonous and determined enemy than a genuine Jew. . . If they do something good for you, it is not because they love you, but because they need room to live with us, so they have to do something. But their heart remains as I have said!”

2. 'Not all smokers are filthy, selfish and inconsiderate'.
Counter: 'They are all addicted and will eat your head if they are deprived of their fix for ten minutes. Those who look to be considerate are only pretending. Inside, they are thinking about how best to give your children lumpy lung or leprosy. They are ingratiating themselves to you to distract you from their Satanic rituals and stoat rape habits.'

Argument 3: “The Jew has better prices than the German businessman.”
Counterargument: Any crook can sell junk. Jewish crooks have driven thousands of German businessmen to bankruptcy with the glittering trash in their department store palaces. When someone does get good products more cheaply from the Jews than from Germans, it is only because the united Jewish firms force down prices from the manufacturers, which means reducing workers’ wages. He who has bought good products cheaply from the Jew should never forget that the curse of a German worker and the tears of his hungry children come with them!

3. 'The smoker pays massive amounts of real-numbers tax.'
Counter: 'The smoker costs the NHS enormously made-up amounts of money.'

Argument 4: “There are also ‘white Jews’ [i.e., Gentiles who are as bad as Jews].
Counterargument: “That speaks against the Jews, not for them! The fact that one calls the crooks among us ‘white Jews’ is proof that being a Jew implies something bad. Otherwise, one would call crooked Jews ‘yellow Christians.’ The fact that there are so many ‘white Jews’ among us proves that the destructive Jewish spirit has already infected wide circles of our population. It is a warning to us that we have to take up the battle against the Jewish world plague everywhere.” (Joseph Goebbels). That is why Point 24 of our party program states: “The party battles the Jewish-materialistic spirit within and outside of us.”

4. 'There are nonsmokers who are friends wih smokers and don't mind smoke at all.'
Counter: 'That makes then as stupid as the smokers. They are dangerous people, just as dangerous as smokers and they will allow this evil to kill us all.'

Argument 5: “Mr. Levi is not a Jew, since he has been baptized!”
Counterargument: As we have already shown, Jewry is not a religion. The Führer pointed that out in a sarcastic manner during the period of struggle [1919-1933] when he said that it was a peculiar sort of religion when one could smell its adherents from a great distance! No, a Jew always remains a Jew. Chaim Herz Bückeberg, better known as “Heinrich Heine,” joked: “Are these long noses a kind of uniform that allows the God King Jehovah to recognize his old body guard, even if they have deserted?” “I have no desire to convert the Jews,” Martin Luther wrote, “since that is impossible.” A Jew remains a Jew. “In case of need, a dose of baptismal water saves both business and Jewry at the same time!” (Adolf Hitler).

5. 'Mr. Levi is not a smoker, since he only uses Electrofag.'
Counter: 'It's still smoking because it looks like smoking. And I don't like the smell even if there isn't one'

Argument 6: “It is true that Mr. Moses Freundenstein is a Jew, but his parents and grandparents lived here. He is one of our old established citizens.”
Counterargument: Just as a goat does not become a horse, even if his father and grandfather were in the same stall, a Jew can never become a German, even if his ancestor came to Germany as a peddler in Varus’ army [during the Roman era]

6. 'It is true that Mr. Moses Freundenstein is a smoker, but he never smokes around children or anyone who doesn't like it.'
Counter: 'Just because you don't see him smoking doesn't mean he is not secretly poisoning you with the supernatural emanations from his clothing. Smokers have the power to kill with a glance, you know.'

Argument 7: “The Jew is a human being too!”
Counterargument: “Of course the Jew is a human being too. None of us has ever doubted it. But a flea is also an animal. But not a very pleasant one. Since a flea is not a pleasant animal, we have no duty to protect and defend it, to take care of it so that it can bite and torment and torture us. Rather, we make it harmless. It is the same with the Jews.” {Joseph Goebbels).

7. 'The smoker is a human being too'.
Counter: Exactly as Goebbels stated. Word for evil Nazi word, just replace 'Jew' with 'smoker' and you're there.

Argument 8: “Everything with a human face is equal.” — Counterargument: Thirteen years ago, the “Stürmer” carried a cartoon. In it, a miserable pig looked up from his sty to a royal lion. “Everything with an animal face is equal!” But what did the lion growl in reply? “That’s what you swine would like to think!”

8. The same as 7. Just more Nazi justification for the superiority of the simple.

Argument 9: “Anti-Semitism is only something for idiots!”
Counterargument: One no longer hears this lie in National Socialist Germany. But one still reads it in the Jewish emigre press abroad, and Jews whisper it here and perhaps some Jewish lackeys still think that. We smile in response, and note that the Jews have never produced a single creative man, but that all great men in every country have been implacable opponents of the Jews. Some “intellectuals” may be distressed when one doubts their understanding, but we will follow the battle cry against Judah that all of the great men of our past have made!

9. 'Antismoking is only for the whiners and bleaters.'
Counter: 'You're not allowed to say that because it's hate speech. Besides, when has any smoker shown any sign of creativity? What use are they?'

Argument 10: “Can you live with the uproar and accept responsibility for the misery that the laws of the Third Reich bring to thousands of Jewish families?”
Counterargument: “It is almost a miracle that absolutely nothing has happened to Jews in Germany, but rather that only gradually the rights they stole from the Germans in politics and culture have been restored.” (Alfred Rosenberg). But even if a few hundred Jewish families in Germany really did have to go hungry, what is that against the many millions of German families that the Jew murdered over the course of centuries through wars, revolutions, and civil strife, not to mention those ruined through usury and fraud. “In the battle between the races, there is no truce. If you are determined finally to defend yourself, German people, then be pitiless!” (Adolf Hitler).

10. 'Can you live with the social isolation and Government-sanctioned hate aimed at 20% or more of the population? Are you comfortable with pensioners standing outside their State controlled 'homes' to smoke in sub-zero temperatures? You are responsible for the destruction of many pubs and clubs and the social lives of millions - not just smokers. Can you sleep easy with that? People are barred from many parts of normal life, denied work, denied homes, just because they like a smoke and they are sneered at by the mindless whenever they are seen because of your policies and your insanity. Does that trouble you not one jot? If you answer 'yes' to all those, Clag and Potato Head, look up the symptoms of the sociopath.'

Counter (the best one yet): 'There has been no effect on pubs at all and everyone wants the smoking ban to stay'.

Godwin's Law? More like Godwin's Ashtray, I'd say.

Antismokers, before you start bleating again, re-read what Hitler had to say about Jews in Argument 5.

Then try to convince me you are not a New Nazi.

Click those jackbooted heels, Antismoker. You didn't even notice you had them on, did you?


JuliaM said...

"Tonight, no children appeared at my door. "

We had just one group of four, adult no-where in sight until I spotted a figure right at the end of the road who I assumed to be the parent/carer.

No words were exchanged - the costumed moppets stared at me silently, I produced the bag, hands were thrust inside, then they turned round and walked off, as silently as they had arrived.

Isn't this supposed to be a fun pursuit for the kiddies?

Now I've a bag of cheap sweets to get rid of. I'll take them in to the office.

Hope I can remember which ones have the razor blades in. *shrug* Oh, well!

Anonymous said...

As the last moments of dusk turned into night, the severed pumpkin heads, home grown for the purpose, were set flaring in welcome, either side of the door.

In the distance small shadows were gathering, appropriately dressed for the night.

The bowl set ready on the cupboard in the hallway, full of carefully chosen, brightly wrapped sweets,I retire to listen for the first quiet knock.

A little later it comes.
Turn on the light and there in the shadows are a pleasing selection of witches, ghosts and other creatures of the night.
Admiring their costumes, I offer the bowl to polite little thank you's, with a "take one for your Mum" who I notice is standing a respectful distance away behind the tree.

All evening until bedtime,in fits and starts, the dark procession comes.
The last visitors are the children next door, who I greet with admiration for their costumes and pretend not to recognise.

They show me their haul of the night, they have done very well.
As I wish them goodnight, the eldest witch offers me a sweet from her basket.

Later, when its quiet, I take a walk down the road alone to enjoy the atmosphere of the night myself.

I just love Hallowe'en.


sixtypoundsaweekcleaner said...

I didn't get any. What's wrong with me? Do I smell?

Slamlander said...

You ahould be aware of

It is an interesting bit of nuttery.

Anonymous said...


The last thing most parents want is for their child to make a nuisance of themselves and be told in no uncertain terms to push off.

It quite ruins the magic.

So I always looked for welcoming signs, before my children were allowed to knock on the door.

I assume that other parents will be looking out for the same.

Either that, or there is a shortage of children.

I was never allowed to go out at Hallowe'en, so I make up for it now.


Mark Wadsworth said...

I was looking forward to a photo of an ashtray with a swastika in the bottom of it.

If you had one of those, and people told you off for being un-PC, you can counter-argue, "Aha, but I am anti-Nazi, which is why I stub my cigarettes out on them."

Mark Wadsworth said...

Also, what Rose says. I went round for forty minutes or so with the little lass in her best sparkling witch dress and she got half a bagful. All part of the fun.

She's eight, by the way. For teenagers to do this is a bit weird.

smokervoter said...

If things go as predicted tomorrow in America, we'll be trading in 'Mrs. Righteous Speaker of the House' for a Mr. Speaker by the name of John Boehner, an unapologetic smoker. Unlike grovelling ex?-smoker O'Blimey this guy makes no bones about his delight of and choice to smoke. Mrs. Righteous Speaker was famously quoted as saying "Every aspect of our lives must be subjected to inventory", while the soon-to-be Mr. Speaker told an old geezer interviewing him on national TV that "Bob [the MSM geezer], tobacco is a legal product in America. And the American people have the right to decide for themselves whether they want to partake or not. There are lots of things that we deal with and come in contact with every day, from alcohol to food to cigarettes, a lot of things that aren`t good for our health. But the American people ought to have the right to make those decisions on their own."

Get a load of this guy, this is some serious changing of the guard.

(Sorry for the cut and paste link, couldn't get blogger to do the deed)

Our variant of the Labour party has been busy taxing and banning outdoor smoking ever since their big victory romp in 2008. They raised the tax on bulk roll-up baccy by 2000%. After Tuesday, by most accounts, O'Blimey and his party of the toiling class will be shooting blanks for the remainder of his term.

Although I agree that the Righteous will self-destruct on their own, a swift kick in the rear on the way down never hurt.

David Davis said...

We didn't get any this year. Strange. The whole town was alive with milling bands of tiny witches and devils.

Perhaps it's because of what I told a group last year.....

"...You've got the wrong day...the Feast of All Hallows Is Tomorrow...!?"

In the morning, I found that the car had been comprehensively "egged".

Leg-iron said...

Slamlander - Frank Davis has that one covered -

Leg-iron said...

Hardly any of them around this year, and as I said, none visited me. Halloween seems to have been taken over by organised parties instead.

It's not the same.

Anonymous said...


I find that a couple of Spellbound by the door will attract any passing vampires.

Better luck next year.


Anonymous said...

I avoided the door, partly because I was skint having spent the last meagre paypacket on 20 Regal and white wine, and locked myself in my room till it was over.

So I left mother to field the little darlings, she had two batches and gladly rewarded them with some leftover unopened sweeties from Christmas etc...

She also probably gave them third-hand CANCER, as I know for a fact she had a spare 20 Regal hidden downstairs...

But I manged to locate them later when I had ran out and relieve her of the burden of her 1st hand smoking by about 8 smokes, thats my good deed for the day then...

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