Wednesday 17 November 2010

Venus: smokers did that.

I'm between projects, and relaxing anyway because I've nearly earned my limit for the year. Hence the protracted babble.

Frank Davis has a piece on the PR disaster that was the 10:10 exploding children film. He includes an analysis of that particular Green brainfart and comparisons to the Smoke Inquisition, and wonders why they haven't fallen into the same PR hole yet.

They have. Many times. The difference is that their supporters are so appallingly gullible that they actually believe in third hand smoke and smoke-induced bacterial infections. There is nothing ASH can say or do that will make their army of the brain dead think 'Hang on...' or even make them think at all. All they have is 'I don't like it so you can't have it, nyah' and any excuse, no matter how bizarre or stupid, will do. As long as it helps them hate smokers, they'll lap it up.

So let's give them something. Here's an off-the-cuff bizarre claim.


The planet Venus was once a beautiful planet, home to a delightful race of intelligent, peaceful beings. Now it is a hot Hell with surface temperatures that would fry any living thing and pressures that would turn a human into pink paste. Any human. No matter what colour you are on the outside, you're pink on the inside and mushed up, we are all truly equal. Don't tell Harriet.

Yes, land on Venus now and you're a pizza. It even rotates in the wrong direction. How did this happen?

Well, one day those intelligent and peaceful beings found a plant with aromatic leaves. Some of them decided to roll up the leaves and burn them. They found the smell so pleasing that they grew more and more and burned more and more until the air filled with the wonderful scent. The smoke blotted out the sun and increased the density of the air until, rather than a greenhouse effect, the planet experienced something far worse. The public bar effect.

In essence, the entire planet turned into one big snug, the air so dense you could cut it with a knife. They even saw visions of Ena Sharples through the haze. The increasing heat and pressure caused the huge fields of that aromatic plant to combust and within days, the air density caused the planet to slow its rotation and pulverised all those lovely, bunny-cuddling beings into little steaming piles of mince. Coriolis forces in the atmosphere tugged on the surface until the planet's rotation was actually reversed.

If only they had had the Dreadful Arnott and her Action on Squishing and Heat group. But no, they were all smokers, and they didn't see the inevitable fate that awaits all smokers, being flattened by air pressure and then fried like a flat thing in a frying pan. Sad to relate, that planet is now barren and devoid of anything but smoke.

If the smoking ban is lifted, the same could so easily happen here.


Okay, most of you know I just made that up in the last ten minutes. It is total and absolute fabrication. There is not a trace, not a hint, not a molecule of truth in there and anyone calling themselves human would laugh at it. It is patently and transparently utter nonsense.

Find an antismoker and tell them the tale. Print it out (without this bit and the bit above it) and pass it round at work.

You are going to be shocked and disgusted at the result. Sure, most will laugh it off and forget it. But you'll find one. You will. You'll find at least one who will take it as the absolute truth.

PR disaster for the antismokers? It can't happen. Their supporters are so absolutely bigoted that they simply cannot resist anything, anything at all, they can use to berate smokers. Yes there are jokes and flippant asides in there but the antismoker is a humourless creature when it comes to smoking.

You won't find many. There aren't many, not really. But I bet you can find at least one.

Don't wonder what these people think. Wonder whether.


Johnnyrvf said...

Here is some good news,, seems lile the AGW scam, politics can never stop the truth coming out eventually, once something is truly discredited ans becomes unfashionable, the serfs become disgruntled and the politicians have to invent more rubbish, same pattern all over again, it just needs a system to nip this scaremongering in the bud, ultimately they lack courage and integrity these politicians and therefore are prfdictable in their treachery and dishonesty.

Anonymous said...

I am sure you can find some. And if you play your cards right, you can make as much money out of this as L.Ron Hubbard did from his bet with Issac Azimov.
But be careful, once the monster is unleashed, you will not chain it again. After all Scientology is still going strong, despite the details of the bet being made public.

JJ said...

ASH bullshit

Leg-Iron...I've sent you one of my no smoking signs to go with your Venus: Smokers did that - Post.

Leg-iron said...

Johnny - I've picked that one up via Velvet Glove.

Salegamine - L. Ron made a lot of money but went loopy in the process. I'd rather be sane than rich.

JJ - thanks for the image!

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